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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESSE JAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We bet this one was a HAPPY one!
‘Cuz there’s nothing like being turning 41 to remind you of what really counts in life: knowing that your family is happy and your career in order.
We figured you probably didn’t get many, so we decided to go in together on a couple of birthday presents for ya. They are:
Filed under: Bad Years, Birthdays, Cheaters, Condoms, Down the Tubes, Fuckups, Homewrecks, Idiots, Jesse James, Jesse James Affairs, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Kids, Jesse James Mistresses, Jesse James Nazi Photo, Messes, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Michelle Bombshell Nazi Photo, Mid-Life Crises, Really Stupid People, Strippers, The Most Hated Man In America
It’s been so long since I’ve been gone
Another day might be too long for me
Traveling around I’ve had my fill
Of broken dreams and dirty deals
Continue reading Home At Last
Filed under: All the Wrong Career Moves, Coming Home, Crazians, Famous-For-Nothings, NYC, So she DOES have a talent!, Strip Clubs, Stripper Poles, Strippers, Tila Tequila, Tila Tequila Is Batshit, Weird Celebrity Behavior, Where is Rock Bottom?, You Can't Go Home Again
Hey look, a photo of Miley Cyrus doing something more offensive than giving the chink-eye:
Okay, not really. But her half-hearted, pedobait pole-dancing at last night’s Teen Choice Awards is definitely up there. Straddling a pole at 16 to entertain an audience of children? This chick has parents, right?
Happy Birthday to former Porn Superstar Kobe Tai! Oh sure, some of you are more familiar with her as the stripper killed on the clothes hook in Very Bad Things, or from her singing stint on Marilyn Manson’s Mechanical Animals, but to us, she will always be the legendary Porn Superstar Kobe Tai!
Tai turns 37 today, and even though we don’t have a picture of her at her birthday party, we’re pretty sure she looks rather good after 7 years of very hard work.
…Tila Tequila still fancies herself a stripper. And I fancy myself a blogger. SHOCKER.
I’m sure you’ve all set your TiVos to record the premiere of MTV’s next super-hit show A Shot of Love With Tila Tequila tonight.
Anyway, I sure have–I’ve been waiting with mind-frazzling anticipation for weeks! I can’t believe she’s going to reveal the big SECRET! That she’s BISEXUAL! And will make out with GIRLS and then GUYS and then GIRLS and then GUYS and then get NAKED and then GO IN THE HOT TUB and then rub her wet butt on the GUYS and then rub her soggy fake tits on some GIRLS and then…
OH MY GOD! Why oh why isn’t it airing NOW!? It’s eating me up inside.
Fortunately for me (and you), Tila’s “people” have bestowed us with the wonderful gift of cross-promotion, and this beautiful rrrreal young woman has also released a groundbreaking new music single that will blowyafuckinmind!
Check it out, it’s a gift for your ears AND your mind:
I know, I know, I know what you’re saying: Whosit? Whatsit? By title alone it sounds like, so existential that you can’t even begin to deal with it. Thank God you have a friend with an Ivy League degree or two to help you get through the dense messaging. Totally. I feel you.
She’s our generation’s pioneer. Like Darwin and Magellan and all the greats, she’s breaking new ground for played Asian midget girls with circus boobs, fuckability, and a low bar. Since we can’t give her an award, I guess we’ll all just have to watch her show–or “friend” her on MySpace.
A lot of people have nothing to do and hate thinking; hence, we have witnessed the success of “fuck-all-I’m-bored” sites like Break.com, the kind that feature all of those incredible viral videos of dudes falling off of motorcycles, animals biting crotches, and bikini-clad hussies feeling themselves up. Or, as I like to call it, “cubicle food.”
As busy as I always am at DISGRASIAN HQ, I couldn’t help but wander off today into the land of the lost, (you gotta love a girl falling off a stripper pole), when in the middle of my browsing I stumbled upon today’s top searches:
And then I wondered, who the hell beat us to Number 1? This unfunny douchebag, BO BURNHAM?
Come on ladies, we can do better than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!
34 graduate students at Duke University’s Fuqua Business School were caught cheating a month ago. 15 of the 34 cheaters were suspended for a year, and 9 were expelled. All 9 expelled students were Asian. Robert Ekstrand, attorney for the Notorious Nine, made this statement to the press:
Many of the students involved in the case at the Fuqua School of Business confessed instead of fighting the charges because of different cultural norms in their countries, Durham attorney Robert Ekstrand said…
In their home cultures, he said, “a confession or an admission of guilt can be a way to apologize.” He said they sometimes wrote confession letters without understanding the specific accusations.
Wait. So you mean to tell me that something is fuqua-ed up at Duke, the self-anointed “Harvard of the South” and alma mater to Dick Nixon? Shocker. I’m sure the Duke lacrosse team is partying with strippers tonight.
Actually, the real shocker is that the Notorious Nine are Asian. Since when do WE need to cheat? We’re smarter than everybody else, REMEMBER? And cheating your way through business school? Isn’t there a reason why people call it “B” School? Didn’t Ivanka Trump attend “B” School?
Flavor of Love: Charm School is a new VH1 reality show in which former FOL contestants who were rejected for whatever reason (too nasty, too raunchy, too much spitting) dress up in ridiculous schoolgirl outfits and attend “training” to become more ladylikable.
Meet one very special student, Leilene:
Yes, Leilene is a stripper mom and a high school dropout who, because of her almost complete lack of intellect (this is compared to the other Charm School students, mind you), was excused from the debate team competition challenge in episode four.
I’m not going to criticize the poor girl for these things. I’m sure she’s a very good dancer and has a very nice child and went to a super lame learning institution. No big whoop.
In this screen grab, she happens to be screaming, “I am a DAMN GOOD MOTHER!!!” O-kay. Again, no comments about how most mothers aren’t doing tequila shots while wearing schoolgirl uniforms while competing on bizarre VH1 reality shows.
I am, however, going to shame her for picking a fight with this thing:
Holy shit, girl!!! I realize you’re stupid and stuff, but do you have a death wish? Honey Child, this bitch is not fucking around and you anybody with half a brain can tell you that one nostril flared breath denotes that this animal is DANGEROUS. JEEZUS!
Again, no criticism of the lifestyle. Just watch your back, dummy.