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SELF-VLOGELLASIAN: Strung Out On Guitar Heroines
Just another day at the office: Jen, Diana, a cute dog, Xbox 360, scotch, Guitar Hero, an unlit cigarette, and lots of insightful conversasian.
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Filed under: Axl Rose, Confusing Conversasians, Geeks, Guitar Hero, Guitar Hero III, Nerding Out, Rock Band, Rocking Out, Sex and The City, Slash, Star Power, Terry Bradshaw, VLOG, World Tour, Xbox Live
He Makes a Convincing Argument
Ryan “Our Generation’s Brando” Gosling touched my shoulder last night, gently. We traded words. We made eye contact. My life changed. I owe this moment to Senator Obama, because this beautiful exchange would not have occurred had I not been competing with Gosling to babble and shake hands with Senator Obama at his post-debate LA reception. The issues? Bah. Color me ambivalent. If you wanna swing my vote, gimme Gosling. Filed under: Barack Obama, I'm A Sucker, Issues Shmissues, Politicking, Ryan Gosling is a God, Star Power, The Debates
Do I Strutter?
As you may recall from last week’s post (See April 5 post: Amazian Watch: The Guitar Heroine) we at Disgrasian were rooting from all the way on the other coast for our girl Kelly Law-Yone to smoke the competition in NYC (on Megadeth’s Hanger 18, perhaps?) and show Gene Simmons why Asian ladies effin’ rock.
Kelly didn’t win, which is disappointing.
What’s worse, we hear the competition was loaded with nerves, resulting in shy performances, missed notes, and an altogether Star-Powerless evening.
MOST DISAPPOINTING is that instead of our near-Amazian, this J.W. chump took home the Grand Prize: not just (just?) the opportunity to share the stage with Gene Simmons, but an actual axe–custom-outfitted for Guitar Hero on XBOX.
I KNOW! I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING! GREATEST PRIZE EVER!
Here was J.W.’s reaction to the announcement that he won: “Wow. It’s amazing.”
Ungrateful jerk!!
Let’s watch this fool ring in his celebration.
What a freakin’ waste. I can’t begin to express to you the level of my disappointment at his lack of a) Rock b) Sheer glee c) awe of the fact that tapping at five plastic buttons somehow warrants him the right to rock out with a Rock and Roll Hall of Famer d) wherewithal to use HIS NEW CUSTOM GUITAR HERO GUITAR, THE GREATEST PRIZE EVER, TO PLAY WITH THE FRONT MAN OF KISS, WHILE PLAYING A SONG IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD.
I hate him.
It should have been a Disgrasian girl.
Observe: This is how the above scene would have played out if it had been Jen, not Paul Party Pooper onstage in the champion’s spot.
MC: Jen, congratulations. You’ve won the JamFest.
JEN: OOHHHH MY GOOOODDDD! I ROCK!!! I TOTALLY ROCK!
MC: Jen, how do you feel?
JEN: I ROCK SO FUCKING HARD! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!!
MC: Guess what we have for you?
JEN: IT DOESN’T MATTER. NOTHING COULD MAKE THIS MOMENT ANY BETTER!!!
MC: Are you sure? Because here comes Gene Simmons.
GENE: ARRRRRR!
JEN: [disappointed] Oh hey, Gene.
GENE: YOU ROCK!
JEN: [instantly excited again] I KNOW, RIGHT?
GENE: Totally.
JEN: I’m gonna smoke you, dude.
GENE: Err… I have something for you.
JEN: Is it rolling papers? Cuz I’m gonna smoke you.
GENE: No its… this! [Reveals Item] A custom Gibson guitar outfitted for GUITAR HERO… for you to rock out on while you play GUITAR HERO II on XBOX 360 [smiles for the camera].
JEN: Oh. My. God.
GENE: What do you think?
JEN: HOLY CRAPAMOLE. GIVE IT TO ME!
GENE: [struggling] Wait, I have to make a bad “strap it on” joke.
JEN: HAND IT OVER, HAS-BEEN!
GENE: [reluctantly] Let’s just play Strutter.
JEN: [strapping it on] Your song is boring. Let’s play Free Bird.
Filed under: Anti-Climactic Events, Guitar Hero II, It Shoulda Been Kelly--or Jen--or Me, Most Gamers Really Are Douches, Sadly, Star Power, Xbox Events Blow
Amazian Watch: The Guitar Heroine
Xbox recently announced that they will be hosting a Guitar Hero II JamFest, in which KISS frontman Gene Simmons will face off with five of the top Guitar Hero II™ gamers in the country.
I won’t even get into how shocked and appalled I am that Jen and I were not invited to participate in this tournament of champions (my only theories being that they can’t handle seeing two bitches crank out 99% apiece on “The Beast and the Harlot”–or that someone, somewhere, has heard us talking shit about the “Strutter,” the boring-ass KISS hit that the winner is going to have to play on Co-Op mode w/ Simmons if they win…zzzZZZzZzZzz).
Instead, let me point your attention to one of the five competitors to keep your eye on in this showdown of showdowns:
Yeah! She’s a total nerd–and not one of those D&D losers, but a scarf-knitting, tech-geeking, Guitar Hero-rocking nerd. She frickin’ rocks!
…and now, meet one of her four challengers.
Ew. What a tool. This mofo needs to be taken out.
Needless to say, WE’RE BEHIND YOU, KELLY! TAKE IT HOME PLAYIN’ YYZ!! WE WISH YOU MUCH STAR POWER!!!
Filed under: Amazian Watch, Co-Op Mode with Gene Simmons, Dave Mustaine Sucks, Guitar Hero II, Jen and Diana Rock So Hard on Expert, Losers, Neil Peart, Star Power, Xbox Live
