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Forget Tiger Moms. Growing up, it was my Hardass Asian Dad who was the scary one with all of the obscure rules. No comedies. No cheerleading. No shirts down to there or skirts up to here. Math workbooks and book reports over the summer. Scientific American as required reading–in the 3rd grade. Awkward hugs, if you were lucky, but mostly firm patting on the shoulder and back to show affection.
He could cut you with a look. He could give you the silent treatment for days, weeks even.
And yet, over time, he’s the one who’s gone soft. He’s the one who sends the corny e-cards. He’s the one who cries when my parents watch Korean soap operas together while my Mom gently pokes fun at him. He’s the one who melts at the sight of babies. Even as I write this, he’s downstairs in my house having a Downton Abbey viewing marathon, I shit you not.
Who knew that my Hardass Asian Dad would become this guy?
Cuddly, gentle, hooked on Masterpiece Classics.
The hugs, though, they’re still awkward, so at least I know aliens didn’t snatch his body.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad, you Hardass-Turned-Softie! And to all of you other daddies out there–hardass or no!
Like my Dad’s shirt? It’s from the brilliant and talented Martin Hsu. Buy it HERE.
Hey look! It’s the mini-me versions of us…
…if we’d been raised in some fucked-up alternate universe where there are no rules, grades, or words like “unacceptable,” “disown,” and “failure”; no forced violin and piano lessons; no math workbooks during summer vacation; no aspirations for NASA or the Nobel; no Hardass Asian Dads forbidding hot pants, high-heeled boots, and hooker poses; no Hardass Asian Moms screaming at us about looking cheap, about how “low-class” tanning is and how make-up prematurely ages your skin not to mention how all this correlates–somehow, don’t ask–with poorer test scores, lower income, and an overall decrease in college, marriage, and life prospects, really.
[via I Hate My Parents]
Filed under: Creepy, FAIL, Failure, Hardass Asian Dads, Hardass Asian Fathers, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parenting, Hardass Asian Parents, Object Lessons, Paging Tiger Mom, Parenting FAIL, Pedobait, Raised by Wolves, Softass Asian Parents, Thank God for Our Hardass Asian Parents, Underachievers
By now you may have seen the Internet-famous photos of Ardi Rizal, a 2-year-old Indonesian boy with a 2-pack-a-day habit.
Although we will admit he’s got a pretty cool smoking style (very Goodfellas! Oh I kid, I kid), photos of the tot on a little truck actually reveal a really frightening fact–Rizal’s smoking has affected his health so much that he can barely move himself without those plastic wheels.
Homeboy is a smoker. And his parents apparently can’t–or won’t–do anything about it.
From Daily Mail:
“[D]espite local officials’ offer to buy the Rizal family a new car if the boy quits, his parents feel unable to stop him because he throws massive tantrums if they don’t indulge him.
His mother, Diana, 26, wept: ‘He’s totally addicted. If he doesn’t get cigarettes, he gets angry and screams and batters his head against the wall. He tells me he feels dizzy and sick.’
Ardi will smoke only one brand and his habit costs his parents £3.78 a day in Musi Banyuasin, in Indonesia’s South Sumatra province.”
So waaaaaaaitaminute. This TODDLER has no degrees, no job, no promise of athletic glory or public office. He costs his parents £4 a day because he’s picky about his pack and his dad doesn’t see a problem? Who’s the boss here? If my late Hardass Asian Grandma read about this situation, she’d probably smack me just to make sure I didn’t get any wild ideas!
But anyway, here’s a solution: Let’s get Cesar Millan over to Indonesia to rehabilitate this little smoke fiend and train those parents! Sheesh.
Filed under: 2 packs a day, 2-year-old Indonesian boy smokes, 40 cigarettes a day, Ardi Rizal, Bad Parenting, child smoker, Childhood smoking habits, Diana Rizal, Hardass Asian Parenting, Hardass Asian Parents, Hardass Asian Siblings, Health, Indonesia, Indonesians, Mohammed Rizal, Not Cool, Softass Asian Parents, Weird Indonesian Behavior
A lot has been made of Sarah Palin’s husband Todd’s Yup’ik Eskimo ancestry since the Alaskan governor was named McCain’s running mate. The “First Dude” of Alaska is one-eighth Yup’ik, and Yup’iks are descended from people of Eastern Siberia and Asia who came over a gajillion years ago, after the Native American migrasian. Todd is, therefore, octorasian. A fact that’s been noted in virtually every profile of him in the past week, as if to say, Look, Governor Palin’s family is yellow/brown/minority/native/ethnic, too!
And we say, Welcome! Because, like Governor Palin, we’re “inclusive” people. And if you’re biologically Asian–even an itty-bitty bit like that cutie-patootie, hawtie-patawtie Phoebe Cates–that’s good enough for us.
That said, we did come across a few problems with the Palins’ applicasian for entry into the tribe. Here is a partial list of red flags:
1) Asians, unlike Todd, finish college.
3) Asian parents, unlike Todd, do not hold up their children as examples when–on the statistically-minimal chance–said children get knocked up by “fuckin’ rednecks.” Instead, Asian parents lock their children up in a room and throw away the key; ritualistically beat them with a shoe, hairbrush, or the hard-end of a flyswatter; repeatedly tell their children how ungrateful they are, what a disgrace they’ve turned out to be, and how much shame they’ve brought to their family. Or they simply disown their disappointing devil spawn.
Hmm. This is not going so well. Perhaps we should leave Bristol out of the conversasian, since she is, after all, only a child.
4) Asian parents don’t cut their children any slack. Ever. And most certainly not based on age. How else do you think we’ve produced so many prodigies?
Shoot. Guess we’re not going to lay off Bristol. Or Todd and Sarah, for being shitty parents. Because, as everyone knows…
5) Asians are really fuckin’ judgmental. Asians hold themselves and others to impossible standards. When Asians make mistakes, they might not admit it publicly to save face, but they sure as shit don’t throw confetti at it either. Asians don’t turn their shame into shameless photo-ops (except, perhaps, for Tila Tequila).
Alright, you know what? There’s no way we’re going to make this work, so fuck it. Being inclusive is–like polishing a turd–hella exhausting. And it’s pretty patently obvious that the Palins are IN NO FUCKING WAY Asian. DISGRASIAN, yes, but Asian? Not so much.
Filed under: Ancestral Heritage, Bristol Palin, Bristol Palin Pregnancy, Family Values, Hardass Asian Parents, Not One of Us, People With No Shame, Sarah Palin, Softass Asian Parents, Todd Palin, Yupik Eskimo
Do you want a fuckin’ medal, too?
Filed under: Djimon Honsou, Good Luck to Aoki and Ming (You'll Need It), Good Parenting, JC Penney? Really?, Kimora Lee Simmons, Live From the Red Carpet, Midriff Tops Make Me Sad, Mothers, Softass Asian Parents