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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Lisa Lee And Lynn Chen’s “Thick Dumpling Skin”

February 21st, 2011 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

In all of my three decades of life, I have never once been skinny.

Now–before you get all up in my grill with the, “Ohmygawd Diana, you’re NOT fat” words of soothing or the “You bitch, don’t talk to me about not being skinny” words of annoyance, please know that I’m not fishing for compliments, nor complaining about my size, nor stating I’ve never been a healthy, normal weight. I’m just saying, I’ve never been skinny.

But Asian girls are supposed to be skinny, right?

That’s like, the Asian girl thing: “Oh gosh, I just eat and eat and eat but I can’t gain any weight.” And “Urggg–they ran out of size zeros.” And “I was the skinniest person on my softball team in high school and I always hated it.” And “I can’t believe it, Yennie and I both hit three-digit weights over the holidays and we almost died!” Slight frames and narrow shoulders and bony hips and knobby knees and protruding ribs and flat asses and tiny breasts and slender thighs and stick arms. It’s our answer to the world’s Amazon legs and blonde waves and sexy curves. We’re skinny, betches.

Well, some of us.

Are we all meant to look like this?

Then there are the rest of us. We are sized 4, 6, 8, 14, 20. Medium and XXL. We do not eat whatever we want. Our clothes don’t “hang” on us. We cannot fathom wearing thigh-high boots. We have learned to like Diet Coke. We see photos of ourselves at weddings and realize that our arms are the same size as our cousins’ legs. We do not get lifted whimsically in the air by men. We have never liked our knees. We walk into an Asian supermall and watch them shake their heads–Your size we do not carry. We have Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Lisa Lee And Lynn Chen’s “Thick Dumpling Skin”

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Stay Cool

April 23rd, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

My dad went to medical school in Saigon. Like most skinny, starving, Vietnamese students in the 60s, he motored around on a really shitty motorized bicycle–while secretly coveting the sweet Italian Vespas and Lambrettas that spoiled-first-sons of Businessmen or government officials flaunted on the dusty roads. During my mod phase as a teen, I became obsessed with The Who’s iconic film Quadrophenia, and would often re-watch it with my dad, just to peek over and watch his eyes light up at the moment that Sting first rolls up on a pristine, ice-blue Vespa with about a jillion rear-view mirrors attached.

There’s a part of me that has always wanted to buy my dad a scoot to ride around (not one of the new ones, but a restored vintage piece in like, royal blue) now. I have fantasies about us entering scooter rallies together and wearing matching helmets. But a part of me knows that the cranky ol’ surgeon who won’t drive faster than the speed limit on the freeway doesn’t have the same need for 2-wheeled glory that he did fifty years ago.

More importantly, I have a fantastically cool image of him riding back in the day burned into my brain: a broke, cigarette-smoking, stick figure of a young man relishing the independence and power of even a crappy bike with a battery attached–it’s so aloof and slick and awesome that I would never want to alter it with the reality of my dad hooting, “Whooooa! Ohhh! No!” while wobbling around the cul-de-sac on a creaky little Vespa today.

But as cucumber-cool as I’m convinced my pops looked on his bike, I’m pretty sure he never rode like this Chinese guy, who Buzzfeed posted riding a moto side-saddle for an astoundingly long period of time:
Continue reading Stay Cool

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30 Seconds to Awkward

August 4th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
MTV Asia Awards co-hosts, Karen Mok and Jared Leto, on the red carpet

KAREN: Smile, Jared!

JARED: I can’t, I’m emo. We don’t smile.

KAREN: Uh, okay. Pose, then. We’re on the red carpet!

JARED: Yay. (Shuffles awkwardly) Hey, you look nice.

KAREN: Thanks. So do you… do you always dress like that?

JARED: Like what?

KAREN: Like a skinny doorman?

JARED: It’s not “doorman.” It’s “emo.” I’m not just an actor, see. I sing for this band called 30 Seconds to Mars.

KAREN: Totally. So, how did you get so skinny?

JARED: What?

KAREN: You’re skinnier than me. What the hell is up with that? It makes me look bad. (Thinking) Y’know, my mother is going to call me tonight after she watches the broadcast and tell me to stop eating. Again.

JARED: You might just try some kombucha. Try it every morning. You’ll poop all the time and won’t get the munchies. Seriously. Your legs will be like twigs in two weeks.

KAREN: They’re already twigs. I drink my mother’s dieter’s tea four times a day. It’s disgusting. You really drink that stuff?

JARED: Look at these legs. What do you think?

KAREN: Kombucha it is.

JARED: Have you given up rice?

KAREN: No. I–

JARED: Karen, rice is carbs. Come on now, you know better than that! Try substituting water for rice.

KAREN: But that’s just water!

JARED: Honey. Honey. With a little soy sauce, it’s soy water, not just water! You need to start thinking of the glass half full.

KAREN: What do you mean, glass half full? I thought you were emo…?

JARED: I am emo about other things. But in terms of hunger, I am always half full.

KAREN: You’re confusing me.

JARED: I’m an actor.

KAREN: God help me, somebody please take this picture.

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ROCK OF ASIAN: The Teenagers

June 4th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Most who know me are familiar with the fact that I pretty much loathe teenagers. I hated teenagers when I was a teenager. They ruin movies, they swarm like locusts through shopping malls, they wear mind-boggling fashion combos like winter coats and short-shorts. I could really do without them and their pack mentality and their skinny legs and their tendency to make every statement sound like a question…right? Like, “I can’t believe I have to go to my mom’s stupid candle party…right?”

But in rock, as in love, life truths do not always apply. And when it comes to music, everything for me is flipped upside-down–I fall hard for teenagers, like hardcore. Teen Heroes, Teenage Fanclub, Imperial Teen. In tunes, “teen” rhymes with “Ween,” and Ween is incredible. So there you go. My logic for the day.

Ergo, it is of no surprise to me that I’ve been suckered by The Teenagers, a French indie-pop trio that is as plucky as a chicken while still preserving a semblence of pop sensibility.

Don’t know what that means? Try:

See more silly things here.

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Thank u, jRu!

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