You are currently browsing posts tagged with Skinny Bitches

We’re In An American Apparel Ad For Crop Tops And Short Shorts!!!

September 20th, 2011 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

HA.

MADE YOU LOOK.

[American Apparel]

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You May Be 95 Lbs., Robot Lady, But You’ve Got Wicked Man-Hands

March 16th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Japanese researchers unveiled the HRP-4C robot Monday, at the National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology outside Tokyo. Her creators, who have intended the robot to be used for entertainment purposes, said that her look is manga-inspired.

If we had made the robot too similar to a real human, it would have been uncanny,” said one of the inventors, humanoid research leader Shuji Kajita.

And by “uncanny,” we’re guessing they mean “pervy” and “ewww.”


One thing that’s realistic about the HRP-4C, who will walk in a fashion show later this month, is her weight. She tips the scales at 95 lbs., which is apparently the average weight of a Japanese woman.

Needless to say, we already HATE the skinny bitch.

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Waning Awaysian

February 16th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

If my Hardass Asian Grandma were still alive, she’d be like:



“Lindsay Lohan, you are looking fat and tired. Need to exercise and use more face cream.”

HA! Just kidding.

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X-Men Origins: My Honney Daniel Henney

January 28th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I just saw the X-Men Origins: Wolverine trailer in a theater this week, and, as that skenny betch Rachel Zoe would say, I die. Is there a better superantihero than Wolverine? I doubt it. I love his scissorhands, those mutton chops, those totally absurd muscles.

An added bonus: Daniel Henney in his American film debut as David North/Agent Zero.

I die. Again.

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

September 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Happy 18th birthday to Mao Asada, who is currently the top-ranked figure skater in the world! We truly envy all of the achievements you’ve tucked under your belt before today–no, wait, we envy your skinny legs and ability to live out our mothers’ gold-medal ice dreams. Augh!

Come visit us in America! You’re old enough to buy cigarettes and watch dirty movies here; what better way to celebrate?

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The Incredible Shrinking Pussy

April 21st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Hello Kitty in Christian Dior


Reuters reported today that Hello Kitty is the latest cartoon celeb to seek treatment for an undisclosed eating disorder. The pussy icon had been photographed looking noticeably thinner in recent months and will be appearing next in the May issue of Japanese Vogue, modeling Dior’s fall collection.

Friends say that the Vogue fashion spread put pressure on the “normal-sized” kitty to shed weight, although it was not the sole cause of her eating disorder. One source close to HK said on condition of anonymity:

“She’s anorexic. It’s been obvious to her friends and colleagues for quite some time. I mean, duh? Look at her mouth. Have you ever seen it open? Much less filled with food?”

Hello Kitty has entered a treatment facility in Utah that has also helped actress Mary-Kate Olsen. Hello Kitty’s publicist, Sue Shimasawa, who, like her client, has no mouth, could not be reached for comment.

“I hate all of these skinny bitches!”


Click here for full story.

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Thanks, Ken!
Thanks for the pic, Jasmine!

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Congratulasians?

April 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Overheard at DISGRASIAN HQ this morning:

DIANA: Dude. Did you hear that Yul Kwon got engaged?

JEN: I don’t wanna talk about it.

DIANA: Me neither.

Awkward silence.

JEN: He gave her a cushion-cut diamond ring.

DIANA: Ooh. Cushion-cut. Niiiiiice.

JEN: And she’s so cute, you really can’t hate her.

DIANA: Yeah. I know what you mean. And she’s soooo skinny. I mean, look at those arms.

JEN: What about those legs? I had those legs…once.

DIANA: When I was twelve.

JEN: They’re really skinny.

DIANA: Some might say too skinny.

JEN: Almost painfully skinny.

DIANA: Know what? I can’t do this. (sighs) I hate her.

JEN: Loathe the bitch.

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Thanks, Jasmine and John!

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Judgment Dasian

December 12th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

We’re all friends, right? We’re past the point of judgment. I love you for who you are (unless you’re Moe), you love me for who I am, and we all love Jen, cuz she’s just so damn cute.

So I’m going to admit to something I rarely even let myself remember, and don’t feel is in my best interest to share, but this is a safe space, and if I don’t tell you I can’t share the other thing I want to share blah blah blah!

Agh!

So when 1999 turned into 2000, I competed in a pageant (YES–SHUT UP) for the title of “Miss Little Saigon 2000.” I’m not proud of it, but I can’t be fully ashamed. I was poked and prodded by family to do it, and the prize was some ridiculously wonderful thing like gobs of money and trips around the world (yes, we’re all sellouts), and quite frankly, I desperately wanted to get a traditional ao dai dress made…

(not Diana)

…and a little frock from Prada. Got both. Phew! ANYway, when the big night came it was the spectacle of spectacles: me walking along a T-shaped runway alongside 20 other girls that were all much skinnier, oh-so delicate, and far more “Miss Little Saigon” than me. I took one long survey of my competition–all of the beautiful girls with their porcelain hands and teeny wrists and sequined eveningwear–and instantly knew I was going to lose. Their Vietnamese speech was perfect, their demure laughs so dainty! I didn’t have a chance. Or did I? I was different–no! unique, with curves (fat) on my waist and personality (jokes that no one laughed at) working for me. I bit my lip and hoped hard. Maybe the judges would have a soft spot for me.

But as my eyes cruised to the judging panel and saw a mess of plastic surgery-mangled noses, skinny wrists, steely eyes, and bedazzled gowns, I knew that would not be the case. The head judge looked at me, clucked her tongue, and shook her head. Was this the end?

Yes. I totally lost. Hell, I didn’t even make it to the semi-finals. L’sigh.

But seven years later, I still blame those bitches in the judging panel, all of those huffy and overly made-up snobs, for my demise. It should’ve been me!! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME.

Which is why I was so pissed today when I saw that one of those bitch judges apparently made it on the cover of the new issue of Jet:


…Which has simply reminded me of the injustice. It’s lit a fire under my ass, and I’ve got a message for her:


I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN, BITCH!!! REVENGE WILL BE MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Bob It Like Beckham*

September 11th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I don’t know about you, but when I think about what makes a person chic, I reference a few simple rules. And these rules are entirely based on the sartorial teachings of Style Guru Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice.


1. Lumpy, store-bought fakies are timeless.

The lumpier and more-lopsided, the better. Push ‘em up and out, preferably with a polyester lace bra, and let’s go grab some Lemongrass Martinis, girlfriend!

2. Anorexia is gorgeous.

Don’t believe the hype that Fat-ists around the world are trying to spread about how bad anorexia is for you. Those haters just want you to be fat and miserable like them. There is no such thing as “too thin.” That is a lie with no basis in science, like evolution.

3. Underwear-as-outerwear always eases that tough transition between day and evening.

Oh, Pants. They’re just so damn cumbersome. Wouldn’t life be so much simpler if we went out in our undies all the time? Free your mind, and your barely-covered ass will follow!

So imagine my delight when my friend Greenie sent me a story about how fashionable Singaporean women are cutting their locks to emulate Posh’s current hairstyle, which is known there as…The Pob. As in, Posh Bob.

‘I get at least one customer a week requesting for it,’ says Jonathan Foo of Jon’s Salon at Far East Plaza. ‘Even if they don’t ask for it, they talk about it, saying it’s very nice.’

Alas, to paraphrase Poison, every Pob has its thorn:

But experts here warn that the Pob is not suitable for all Asian women.

(“Celebrity hairstylist” David) Gan points out that Posh’s haircut works because Caucasians tend to have coarser hair. Asians, on the other hand, usually have fine, dark coloured hair, making it more difficult for the choppy texture of the Pob to show through.

Devastating news for me. I’m going to have to take to my bed for the rest of the day and comfort myself with a diet beverage, my well-worn copy of Skinny Bitch, and Oprah reruns.

“Who me? I don’t read, AND I don’t give a shit.”

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(*Greenie’s brilliant title. Thanks G!)

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