DISGRASIAN™

Wi’ and Bai

Poor Bai Ling. Homegirl can’t catch a break. I know, I know. I can’t believe that I just wrote “poor Bai” either. But ever since she was arrested for shoplifting, and her pathetic mugshot got plastered all over the internet, my feelings toward her have thawed somewhat, like the polar ice caps. Yesterday, our friends at Go Fug Yourself took a poll of who was more fug, Bai or Kelly Clarkson, and Bai won by a landslide. Which could quite possibly be the only thing Bai’s won her whole life.

And last week, after Winona Ryder reportedly got caught shoplifting again (drugstore makeup, no less), ABC News published a story asking “Why Do Stars Steal?”, comparing Winona to Bai. It seemed unfair, since Winona was busted for shoplifting before, after attempting to jack $5,000 worth of goods from Saks, armed with scissors and prescription pills, and Bai only tried to steal once, and that was for $16 worth of mags and batteries.

Other key differences between Wi’ and Bai:

1) Wi’ has big breastises. Bai…has no idea that she has breastises which explains why they are constantly falling out of her dresses.

2) Wi’ is from Petaluma. Bai…is from outerspace.

3) Wi’ dated Johnny Depp. Bai…was once a pirate for Halloween.

4) Wi’ knows what dick is. Bai…wait, what does it mean, “dick”?

5) Wi’ gets rewarded for shoplifting with a Marc Jacobs ad-campaign. Bai…gets dick. But, just to look on the bright side, at least she now knows what dick is.

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Filed under: Breastises, Every Day is Halloween for Bai Ling, Getting Dick, Johnny Depp, Pirates, Shoplifting, Winona Ryder

Sales Slip

Seeing Bai Ling’s mugshot, which was taken after she tried to shoplift two magazines and two packs of batteries yesterday at LAX (read Diana’s post about it here), made me feel kinda sorry for the girl.

What?!? Did I just say that I felt sorry for Bai Ling?

So then I wandered over to Bai Ling’s blog, which Diana turned me on to yesterday.

What?!? Did I just write that Bai Ling has a blog?

Her musings remind me of t-shirts my Taiwanese relatives used to send me as a kid:

At the Grammy now just to share with you

Iook at this painting in the restaurant, high up on the wall, crazy people And crazy life, just to share with you, what do You think?

again flying to the cold snow,.but looking forward to the work and wild nature, my heart is a little sad now, casted by the melody of life……

That is to say, they don’t make no damn sense.

Then there are her fans, who leave all kinds of purple prose-comments for Bai:

As well as her detractors, like this cheesedick:

“You can take a chink of [sic] china, bt [sic] can take china out of chink [sic],” is, I presume, meant to read, You can take a chink out of China, but you can’t take China out of a chink.

Once I got past the 1st grade grammar, I thought about this one. And I came to this conclusion: You’re damn straight, muthafucka. That’s why we’re taking over the world while you’re busy jacking off onto your keyboard.

What?!? Did I just agree with a cheesedick?

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Filed under: Bai Ling Is Endless Fodder, Bloggers, Cheesedicks, Mugshots, Sad Faces, Shoplifting, This is Why DISGRASIAN Doesn't Allow Comments