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Will Somebody Shoot Tila Tequila?

October 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I’m sure you’ve all set your TiVos to record the premiere of MTV’s next super-hit show A Shot of Love With Tila Tequila tonight.

Anyway, I sure have–I’ve been waiting with mind-frazzling anticipation for weeks! I can’t believe she’s going to reveal the big SECRET! That she’s BISEXUAL! And will make out with GIRLS and then GUYS and then GIRLS and then GUYS and then get NAKED and then GO IN THE HOT TUB and then rub her wet butt on the GUYS and then rub her soggy fake tits on some GIRLS and then…

OH MY GOD! Why oh why isn’t it airing NOW!? It’s eating me up inside.

Fortunately for me (and you), Tila’s “people” have bestowed us with the wonderful gift of cross-promotion, and this beautiful rrrreal young woman has also released a groundbreaking new music single that will blowyafuckinmind!

Check it out, it’s a gift for your ears AND your mind:

Tila Tequila – “Stripper Friends”

I know, I know, I know what you’re saying: Whosit? Whatsit? By title alone it sounds like, so existential that you can’t even begin to deal with it. Thank God you have a friend with an Ivy League degree or two to help you get through the dense messaging. Totally. I feel you.

She’s our generation’s pioneer. Like Darwin and Magellan and all the greats, she’s breaking new ground for played Asian midget girls with circus boobs, fuckability, and a low bar. Since we can’t give her an award, I guess we’ll all just have to watch her show–or “friend” her on MySpace.

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Thanks, jRu!

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What Rhymes with Mookie?

April 26th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Mookie Lee, Survivor: Fiji castoff and Yul Kwon, Survivor: Cook Islands winner

Stranded on a Pacific isle, Mookie went from hero to zero in a few short weeks, mostly because he and his buddy Alex couldn’t outwit a cheerleading coach named “Dreamz.” Without optometric assistance, I could almost mistake Mookie, who was voted off Survivor tonight, for Yul Kwon, last season’s winner. But then I put on my glasses…

…and realize that I’ve got to book an appointment with Dr. Hyman (real name, I swear), because I am really freakin’ near-sighted.

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