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Everybody Was Kung-Fu Trash-Talking

September 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
“Dude. We will fuck your shit up. Then sic our lawyers on you.”

Last week, an INTRASIAN smackdown took place between Shaolin monks from a temple in China’s Henan Province and some douchebag who talks trash on the internet. (Nothing like what we do. Not a bit. Really. Okay, maybe a little.)

The douchebag claimed on a Chinese-language internet forum that a Japanese ninja challenged the Shaolin monks in Henan to a fight and won.

The posting last week on the “Iron Blood Bulletin Board Community” described a ninja who challenged the monks of the Shaolin Temple to a fight last month after practising boxing at a Japanese mountain retreat for five years. It claimed the monks accepted the challenge and the ninja won, proving that modern-day monks are trained to perform rather than fight.

“The fact that the monks could not defeat a Japanese ninja showed that they were named as kung fu masters in vain,” it said.

The Shaolin monks responded by hiring a lawyer, demanding an apology, and threatening to sue. The douchebag has since apologized and fessed up that the story was fiction. You can read the apology here, if you read Chinese.

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(Thanks Greenie! You rule!)

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I Believe I Can Fly

May 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Shaolin monks doing crazy stunts with poles? Except for that worrisome fourth stick, which is dangerously close to the flying monk’s…ahem, this looks kinda cool.

This, however, does not:

R. Kelly writes song for Virginia Tech

I can’t imagine that the lyrics to Kelly’s tribute “Rise Up” could ever top his other prose poem, “Trapped in the Closet”:

He walks up to the closet (closet)
He’s close up to the closet (closet)
Now he’s at the closet (closet)
Now he’s opening the closet (closet, closet, closet)

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