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Welcome To The World, Asian Ken Doll!

September 10th, 2010 | 10 comments | Posted by Diana

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are witnessing a landmark moment.

The first Asian Ken® Doll is here, from Mattel:





He’s chiseled and fit, with impeccably-tweezed brows and luscious locks. Gosh. he feels so… so… FAMILIAR. Wait, I know! He looks exactly like a young…





VIETNAMESE GENDER-BENDING SUPERSTAR, TUAN ANH!!!!!!

[via Dolls of Color]

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Thanks, DOC!

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iDon’t Get It

February 19th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

My sister recently gave birth to my first nephew. Throughout nearly 20 hours of labor, she stayed in contact with everyone who cared about the delivery via countless texts and Facebook status updates, from her iPhone. Observe:


So in a weird way, I can almost understand that however strange and surreal, sometimes technology and sacred moments can wonderfully merge.

Sometimes.

But a wedding at the Apple store–in which the vows are read rapidly off of an iPhone screen, guests stand mere feet away from the Genius Bar, the groom pats the bride on the ass before saying “I do,” PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE COUPLE ARE BUYING SHIT, and the whole thing ends up in a video on YouTube?

Continue reading iDon’t Get It

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Could This Kobe Any Easier?

February 5th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

Yeah, Kobe, you know we don’t love you. Or like you, even.


But hot damn… sometimes you make our job  SO EASY.

Continue reading Could This Kobe Any Easier?

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Glenn Beck On Why Doing Good Is Oh-So Bad

October 24th, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Glenn Beck continues to uncover the ugly truth about the Obama administration’s dastardly plots to change this home of the free and land of the brave into… “Mao’s China.

Dissenters, prepare to be tortured for pleasure, thrown into war, tossed into labor camps, and–if you’re lucky–chased out of the country.

Where does the totalitarian state of America begin? Apparently, with volunteerism–which should most certainly not be encouraged by influentials or public figures or leaders of any sort, because that’s propaganda, y’know, like in Mao’s China–where Disney also offered people free passes for a day of good-doing.

Beck argues that volunteering is only good if a person wanted to do it anyway. And even though most of us in his “most generous” America are selfish fucks–who don’t want to pay for our peers’ health care, weep at the thought of losing a tax break, guzzle as much gas/grease/booze as will fit into our bloated lives, and don’t care that this country is burning down to the ground while taking each one of us fat, egocentric, xenophobic, ignoramuses down with it–the most important thing in these tough times is that not to lift this country to a better place, but to assure that nobody’s makin’ us do fuckin’ nothin’ (Ya hear me, Obama?!!?)!!! Especially nothin’ good. Or fer free.

NOTHIN’!

But that’s missing the point! We’re talking about Mao’s China here! Which is something to make light of, like Beck’s little stage friend here:

“SERVE OR DIE!”

[Examiner: Glenn Beck Says Volunteerism Is 'Like Living In Mao's China']

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Elle Magazine’s "Best Hair In America"

July 17th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dozens of rats nest coifs to showcase Elle Magazine’s “Best Hair in America,” and the closest thing the editorial staff can offer in terms of Asian reprzentasian is Jessica “I can kind of mix” Alba??

Hunh. In fact, Penelope Cruz and Halle Berry are the only other women of color to round out the fold.

Sure, she’s hot! But Asian… she is not.

Um… Jen and I can’t stop shaking our thick, black, straight, split-end free manes of hair in disappointment.

Best locks in the States and we don’t see one with an Asian face? HA. We beg to differ.

[Elle: Best Hair in America]
[via HuffPo]

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Seriously?

May 8th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Yummy half-Chinese R&B star and songwriter Ne-Yo was presented with a very intense challenge recently: writing a song for Lindsay Lohan that would actually be worth listening to. He emerged with her latest, a synth masterpiece called “Bossy”:

“I wrote it for her because when she’s on her game, you can see these traits in her. When she’s focused, she exudes the aura of a boss with ease,” Ne-Yo explains. “When [producer] Stargate and I were approached with the task, we viewed it as a challenge. Can we make a song for Lindsay Lohan that people were gonna take seriously?’ I think we did it.

Oh, Ne-Yo. Ne-Yo! Ne-Yo.

I think we’ve been taking Lohan far more seriously than you think, for way longer than you’ve given us credit for. Even in her musical ventures!

Like, I cried when I first watched this performance of her hit song, “Rumors.”

Cried. Real tears. Watershed moment: when she sings her own echo echo echo. If that isn’t serious, I don’t know what is.

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For jRu

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Mariah Crazian

April 14th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Chubs Mariah,

You’ve had a long, illustrious career that, for the most part, we don’t really understand. How does anyone as obsessed with glitter, honey, and butterflies actually make money besides Lisa Frank? How can you make psychotic multi-part appearances on Cribs or perform as pictured above and, as a result, outsell Elvis–while Britney Spears does most of the same shit and gets called a fat, crazy, pig while being forced into lockdown by her father?

You are nuts. We’re pretty used to it. But since we hum along to your Christmas tracks every December, we tend to let it slide.

But now, this E=mc² business, naming your album after a theory you probably can’t spell, is bologna, as we’ve stated. That doesn’t make us mad, it just makes us sad. You’re trying to claim our shit–brain stuff–and you don’t gots any, yo. We can get over that.

What we can’t get over, is you titling a song on that album “I’ll Be Lovin’ U Long Time”… NOW THAT IS BULLSHIT. What’s Track #8? “Suckee Fuckee U So Luckee!”

GO DUNK YOUR HEAD IN A TOILET, YOU GINORMOUS, STUPID, DEMENTED, SKANKY, LISA FRANKY POSEUR.

xoxo
Diana

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We Really Love Tila Underneath It All

April 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Listen guys… we’ve cracked on Tila Tequila too long. Let’s give her some credit, okay? She’s a self-starter, an entrepreneur, a rags-to-riches story that in many ways can be admired. Maybe she’s the paparazzi fruit that the Times should be calling a “feminist hero.” And maybe she’s smarter than she’s sold herself to be. Most importantly, guys, I think she’s gotten SERIOUS.

“Serious,” as evidenced by her new track, a softer ballad (with nary a booty club mix in sight) called “Paralyze.”


Yo— I said SERIOUS, not WEARING CLOTHES.

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Thanks, jRu!

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They Be Illin’

March 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The medical authorities at Nine West have announced a frightening new epidemic:

Oh no! Stock up on Purell, my friends! Otherwise, be prepared for an epidemic of I Am Legend proportions–except instead of the undead chasing you in the dark of night, be prepared for anytime attacks of gangly, awkward, indie, sensitive-type dudes who studied abroad in China and/or Japan and say things like, “I don’t have a fetish. I just dated a Korean girl all through high school. And some more in college. And my last girlfriend was half-Thai, and the girlfriend before that was Cambodian…”

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Thanks AGAIN, Jasmine!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! An Uncanny Fascinasian with Spitzer’s Hooker

March 14th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The first morning after the New York Times published their dirty-digging piece on the inner workings of Client 9′s “Kristen,”–aka aspiring R&B singer Ashley Alexandra Dupré (but born Ashley Youmans)– the woman of so many average names’ two-year old MySpace page had clocked in only a few hundred thousand page views. Less than 48 hours later, we now observe that she’s currently working her way towards 8 million.

We at DISGRASIAN are taking this Internet traffic anomoly personally. 8 million hits in less than two days?!? That’s 8 million page views that could have, nay, should have been ours. What the fuzz?

Additionally, we’ve also learned that Dupré’s debut single, “What We Want,” previously available for free on the budding online music source Amie Street, has now been jacked up in download price–to the site’s highest number, 98 cents–due to its overwhelming popularity. Thank you, Eliot!

HUH? Wha?? She’s making even more money off of screwing for money? This has got to be the definition whoring yourself out! Or wait, let’s back up on the judgment a bit, is it simply entrepreneurial to turn your John’s bust into your Internet boom? It’s hard to tell–we feel kinda like Kit DeLuca in Pretty Woman when hooker newbie Vivian suddenly gets whisked out of their shitty, VD-riddled apartment in Hollywood to spend her life popping polo divets into the ground with hot, rich Edward Lewis, simply because she kissed him on the lips. Why her and not us?

All we really want to know is, do you really have to hit it to get those kinds of hits? Somebody tell us, please! We still won’t become high-class hookers, we just really, really want to understand.

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