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ROCK OF ASIAN: Hayley Kiyoko, Star Of The Disney Channel’s Forthcoming “Lemonade Mouth”

January 12th, 2011 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Does the world need another high school musical? No. Yes? I dunno–it depends on how you feel about that sort of thing. But after Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens broke up last month–or did they?–because “they just grew up,” and with Zac graduating to new man roles like his part in The Lucky One, for which he put on lots and lots of man-muscle in order to play a war veteran with a manly albeit curious Southern accentGet it people? Zac Efron is a man, now, okay?–something must be done to fill this terrible, awful void. Plus, high school musicals move nail polish units, apparently.

Enter Lemonade Mouth, brought to you by Disney Channel Original Movies–producers of HSM–the plot of which sounds something like The Breakfast Club meets School of Rock for the Belieber set. In other words, it will be awful! And, in other words, I will be watching it late at night on my DVR when I can’t sleep and am particularly vulnerable to bad TV starring teens with impossibly good skin who will make me feel only more wretched and old than I already do!

I will also be watching Lemonade Mouth for Hayley Kiyoko (pictured, center), who plays one of the lead misfits. Because the 19 year-old of Japanese descent is crazy talented. She plays the drums, keys, guitar, and writes her own music. I’m particularly partial to the song “Lungs” on her MySpace (listen here). She’s also in a girl group called The Stunners who opened for the Biebs last summer, not that you care (I mean, I don’t). And she’s so pretty in a tomboyish way-Hayley played Velma in both Cartoon Network Scooby Doo movies–she kind of demands your attention. Added bonus: she’s goofy as hell, as witnessed by this YouTube video she made last summer, when she and girl-groupmate Lauren Hudson, who’s also Asian, got stuck in the back of their tour van:

Continue reading ROCK OF ASIAN: Hayley Kiyoko, Star Of The Disney Channel’s Forthcoming “Lemonade Mouth”

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Hong Kong International Airport

November 5th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

The last time I boarded a plane, my Patagonia-clad ass was headed from LAX to PDX in beautiful Portland, Oregon. I was–as I often am–taken to the side of the TSA lines for an extra special search. Next to me, a 60-something man covered in head-to-toe Jets gear was getting a body pat-down, down to the spaces between his sock-covered toes.

The TSA clan swabbed the bottom of my backpack, which I will admit was probably covered with graham cracker crumbs, to test for explosives. The man in charge of rummaging through my items was incredulous that my yoga mat–which I cannot spend a week without–was an actual mat. He inspected my pedometer (yes, my pedometer, shut up, I’ll be laughing last when I live forever from walking 10,000 steps a day) for bomb triggers. My face was checked against my I.D. four times. My faux-wood glasses went through the X-ray machine three times. I walked with my arms out in a T through a plexiglass puff-search machine. TSA guy smooshed my egg and watercress baguette, messed up the tight suitcase packing of my perfectly rolled clothes, tore the box of the Sophie giraffe I was bringing my nephew, and dropped my Chanel eye palette on the ground. DICK.

But hey, my Jets fan friend and I were eventually sent our way. And the trouble was all worth it–for the safety of the Portland-bound, for the safety of the plane, for the peace of mind of the people. And hell, it happens to me all the time.

So I just have one question.

HOW DID A PRETTY AND YOUNG CHINESE DUDE IN A SCOOBY-DOO LATEX MASK, IMPERSONATING A 55-YEAR-OLD AMERICAN BY LOOKING LIKE A CRANKY OLD OCTEGENARIAN, GET THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY ON AN INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT FORM HONG KONG TO VANCOUVER?

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Friday Mask Post #3

June 15th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Kimora, if this was a Scooby-Doo episode, now would be the moment that Shaggy rips that weird and scary face off to reveal your true identity as a thieving, hunchbacked hermit.

Well?

Well?

Okay, well, Shaggy’s going to go on his break now… but whenever you’re ready, I’ll be covering his tables..

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