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Scientific Experimentasian

February 13th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


After Barron Hilton, the third of four children in Rick and Kathy’s party brood, was busted for DUI in the ‘Bu yesterday, I got to wondering…would things have turned out differently if the 18 year-old had had a Hardass Asian Parent or two?

Below, please find…a scientific experiment:

HYPOTHESIS

Barron Hilton would not be a fuckup had he been raised by a Hardass Asian Parent.

EXPERIMENT

1) HARDASS ASIAN PARENT: Why can’t you be more like your sisters?


BARRON HILTON: Uh, no probs.


2) HARDASS ASIAN PARENT: I take it back. Your sisters are dead to me. You’re now my only hope.

BARRON HILTON: Dude, what’s with the pressure? You’re giving me a fuckin’ anxiety attack. I gotta go smoke a bowl, man. Late.


3) HARDASS ASIAN PARENT: When you first told me that you received a DUI, I thought it was a school award or a scholarship. Now that I know the truth, I am severely disappointed. Drinking and driving? Where did you learn such degrading behavior? We don’t even drink. My heart is breaking into a thousand pieces. Do you want to give me heart attack? You’ll regret what you’ve done when I’m dead. Speaking of which, you are dead to me. I have no choice but to disown you.


BARRON HILTON: Whoa, whoa, so many words. I still get my inheritance, right?

CONCLUSION

Even if Barron Hilton had been raised by Hardass Asian Parents, he would still be a fuckup.


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