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Jen has, for a long while now, been mildly disturbed by my fascination with Martha Stewart. Admittedly, it’s a bit extensive: I’ve got multi-year subscriptions to her Living and Everyday Food magazines, quietly read The Daily Wag (her french bulldogs’ blog) daily, and once tried to steal my friend Michael’s ex-girlfriend’s dog (named… drum roll… Martha Stewart). Oh, and then there’s the recent foray into Ball canning jars and seasonal pickling, the frowny face I make when looking at sad flowers in an unbalanced vase, my fondness and collection of coasters. God, I love coasters. I love Martha, man. She scares me and I love it (Funnily enough, the same can also be said of my eternal ladycrush, Jen).
Naturally, when excerpts from Whateverland: Learning to Live Here–a humorous memoir co-written by Martha’s daughter Alexis–began making waves all over the webz yesterday, I had to take a look. The selection of Alexis’s comments about mama Martha were referred to as “embarrassing” and “scathing” by assorted media outlets. But perhaps you, like me, found them bizarrely comforting and familiar. Like me, you may have wondered what all the fuss was about. Like me, you may have thought, “DEAR GOD. NO WONDER I LOVE THIS BEAST! MARTHA STEWART IS TOTALLY A HARDASS ASIAN MAMA!”
The stiff bob. The forced smile. Sure, she drinks gin with every meal and okay, she doesn’t wrap up leftovers in a used plastic grocery bag, but I’m telling you. She’s just like Mom! Here’s proof, based on Alexis’s pull quotes:
‘Martha does everything better! You can’t win!’
I mean, ’nuff said. Should I even continue? Should I EVEN CONTINUE?