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You never know, as garbage-feeding bloggers, whether or not you’ll get fucked by the wrong famous-for-nothing going sober or the world’s worst couple getting divorced. Will you run out of sordid news fodder? What might you have to complain about? Will your blogging career be downgraded to a month-long series of clever Facebook status updates and a few choice tweets? Oh lordy, the stress!
So it’s always good to know that the world will soon be hit by a fruitful period of shame, therefore guaranteeing you good work for months and months to come (dare I say it–years?).
Imagine my relief, friends, when I saw this breaking news today:
Phew. Phew, phew, phew. 2010 is going to be a busy year for DISGRASIAN!
If you are one of the people that thought last year was UH-MAZING, and was sad to see it go as the clock ticked down to midnight on December 31, you are a very special human being. You should also go kick yourself in the shins–2009 was a stinker for most of us, and your joy just makes people mad.
Okay, look. At least this happened:
But so did this:
A young Sarah Palin’s reason for spending only one semester at the Hawaii Pacific University is under debate after The New Yorker’s Sam Tanhauser revealed this gem of info in a comparison of Palin’s autobiography, Going Rogue: An American Life, and Scott Conroy and Shushannah Walshe’s career examination, Sarah From Alaska:
She is equally circumspect on the issue of ethnicity, pointing out that Todd, whom she met in high school, is “part Yupik Eskimo” and opened her to the “social diversity” of Alaska. (Wasilla is more than eighty per cent white.)Palin, though notoriously ill-travelled outside the United States, did journey far to the first of the four colleges she attended, in Hawaii. She and a friend who went with her lasted only one semester. “Hawaii was a little too perfect,” Palin writes. “Perpetual sunshine isn’t necessarily conducive to serious academics for eighteen-year-old Alaska girls.” Perhaps not. But Palin’s father, Chuck Heath, gave a different account to Conroy and Walshe. According to him, the presence of so many Asians and Pacific Islanders made her uncomfortable: “They were a minority type thing and it wasn’t glamorous, so she came home.” In any case, Palin reports that she much preferred her last stop, the University of Idaho, “because it was much like Alaska yet still ‘Outside.’ ”
Filed under: Alaska, Autobiographies, Chuck Heath, Conroy and Walshe, Discomfort, Going Rogue, Hawaii, Hawaii Isn't Glamorous? And Idaho Is??, Idiots, Minority "Things", New Yorker, Pacific Islanders, Sarah From Alaska, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Father, Sarah Palin Uncomfortable, Too Many Smart People, Toxic Humans
Sarah Palin is hopping mad about the image of her that Newsweek used for their recent cover, stating that the photo (originally taken for a profile in Runner’s World) taken out of context is “sexist.”
Sexist? Or just stupid? In my humble opinion: after the age of 22, taking any public photo in shorts is downright irresponsible. I don’t care who the hell you are, what job you’ve got, how great your gams are, how fast you are on a Blackberry, or how many times you wink at me. Not a good idea.
Filed under: Blackberry, Fitness, Fitness Gear, Irresponsibility, MILFs, Newsweek, Runners World, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Newsweek Cover, Sarah Palin Short Shorts, Sexist Spin is so '08, Short Shorts, Things Women Over 22 Should Not Do, Unholy Magazine Covers, ZZzzzZzZzZZzzzz
Apparently, $35,000 isn’t enough money to show your wang for.
After promising full-frontal in his upcoming Playgirl shoot–and having his Baby Mama’s mama, Sarah Palin, accuse him of doing “porn”–Levi Johnston got shy and canceled his wang’s scheduled appearance in the magazine. Semi-nude shots of Johnston will still be posted on November 21, and a teaser pic was released Tuesday:
Wang or no wang, Gay Icon status, here he comes!
[photo via HuffPo]
Levi Johnston’s life is finally catching up to his porn star-looks.
And the question is…
Take cover, Hong Kong. Typhoon Palin’s about to hit your shores.
CNN reports that Sarah Palin will be the keynote speaker at Hong Kong-brokerage firm CLSA’s Investors conference on September 23 (past speakers have included Al Gore, Bill Clinton, and Alan Greenspan). It will be the first trip to Asia for the 45 year-old, ex-Alaskan governor, who famously bragged during the presidential campaign that Alaska’s proximity to Russia gave her foreign policy street cred.
The Atlantic Monthly wondered what Palin will have to say in Hong Kong, and beyond “bless your hearts,” “maverick,” “hockey mom,” “um, um, well, um,” and “real women obliterate wolves from planes,” we were wondering the same thing ourselves.
Unlike my more tolerant friends (yes, YOU, G Scott and Norman), I can’t watch Fox News every day or even listen to the raving lunacy of Limbaugh once in awhile, just to be sure I’m on top of every single word that the right wing nutjobs are sputtering. Sometimes I just don’t want to know. I can’t deal. It hurts my soul, all that shouting and all of those incessant jokes.
But the flurryfaloo that resulted from the “death panel” comment former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin posted on her Facebook last week piqued my interest somehow, and awakened that tiny part of me that intentionally smells sour milk–especially as I kept reading the following excerpt:
“The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s “death panel” so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.”
This statement, by the way, has been deemed by non-partisan fact checker PolitiFact is “pants on fire” false. And if DISGRASIAN had a Shame-O-Meter on our site, we’d definitely have to tag this one as “downright shameless.”
It all got me wondering. What’s a “civilian” like Sarah Palin up to on Facebook, anyway? Does she play a ton of Scrabble? Does she give $1 gifts to friends, like AK-47s and cartoon bibles? Does she start membership groups for “Parents of babies with Down Syndrome who refer to those babies only as ‘babies with Down Syndrome’ as if they aren’t, simply put, babies” or “People for Palin 2012?”
But upon further investigation, I realized, it’s all about Sarah’s Facebook wall:
Sarah Palin FINALLY stepped down as Alaska governor Sunday, but not before she got in one last dig at the media that has, ah, loved her so.
“So how about in honor of the American soldier,” she said, “you quit making up things.“
I don’t know what to do with myself today. I went to bed last night drunk for Change (or on, I don’t remember which)–on martinis, champagne, red wine, and beer, in that order–believing that I would have a good night’s sleep for the ages. It’s astonishing that I didn’t wake up at 7:45 this morning with a hangover. Well, I did, actually, but not from the alcohol.
Where do we go from here, I wonder? Yes, I’m already worried about the future. Not only in the global sense (the financial crisis, Iraq, why America still hates the gays), but personally, too. What am I going to think about now? What am I going to hope and dream and pray for? (I don’t actually pray, but I feel like obsessive thinking + wishing for the same thing every day for six months is a close approximation.) What is going to inspire me more than my hair-ripping hatred of Sarah Palin? After this election, can I get it up ever again to, say, muse about something trivial like Tila Tequila’s wonky balloon tits?
I’ve spent all morning looking at pictures of people crying trying to locate my own emotions. Don’t get me wrong–I’m excited. I know we just witnessed history, the likes of which I never expect to see again in our lifetime. I just don’t know what to do with all of this historicity, much less with the rest of my day. I don’t even know what I want for lunch. Shouldn’t I be feeling more joy and elation? Because Barack not only inspired Americans to vote, he inspired a cultural shift among people of my generation, people who seem to have radically transformed in a short amount of time from being ironic, ambivalent, snarky douchebags who only cared about the aesthetics of politics and current events to earnest, emo, touchy-feely douchebags who cry all the time about everything because it all matters so damn much dammit.
Hey, look! I found one thing that hasn’t changed! People are still douchebags. And if people are still douchebags, our work at DISGRASIAN is never done. Oh good. I find strange comfort in that. There’s only so much change a girl can take all at once.
Dudes– nothing gives me more retarded tingles than watching somebody get busted for being unprepared and/or sensationalist and/or poorly informed while on split-screen live TV. It’s fucking painful. PAINFUL. Remember Kevin James’s massive “appeasement” stumble on Hardball? Shouldn’t the imminent shame resulting from such incidents be enough to scare some studying into anybody with a booking agent? Why-why-WHY does this continue to happen?
Oh, and I’m talking to YOU, Michael Goldfarb (this is not our fellow HuffPo compatriot, by the way, but the on-leave editor of The Weekly Standard and McCain’s paid megaphone):
My gosh. Can somebody please tell these dorks to do their fuckin’ homework before they go on television? If one is the McCain Campaign National Spokesman, one should at least do that. Or is everybody taking lessons from the Palin School of Interview Bumbling?