DISGRASIAN™

Stay Cool

My dad went to medical school in Saigon. Like most skinny, starving, Vietnamese students in the 60s, he motored around on a really shitty motorized bicycle–while secretly coveting the sweet Italian Vespas and Lambrettas that spoiled-first-sons of Businessmen or government officials flaunted on the dusty roads. During my mod phase as a teen, I became obsessed with The Who’s iconic film Quadrophenia, and would often re-watch it with my dad, just to peek over and watch his eyes light up at the moment that Sting first rolls up on a pristine, ice-blue Vespa with about a jillion rear-view mirrors attached.

There’s a part of me that has always wanted to buy my dad a scoot to ride around (not one of the new ones, but a restored vintage piece in like, royal blue) now. I have fantasies about us entering scooter rallies together and wearing matching helmets. But a part of me knows that the cranky ol’ surgeon who won’t drive faster than the speed limit on the freeway doesn’t have the same need for 2-wheeled glory that he did fifty years ago.

More importantly, I have a fantastically cool image of him riding back in the day burned into my brain: a broke, cigarette-smoking, stick figure of a young man relishing the independence and power of even a crappy bike with a battery attached–it’s so aloof and slick and awesome that I would never want to alter it with the reality of my dad hooting, “Whooooa! Ohhh! No!” while wobbling around the cul-de-sac on a creaky little Vespa today.

But as cucumber-cool as I’m convinced my pops looked on his bike, I’m pretty sure he never rode like this Chinese guy, who Buzzfeed posted riding a moto side-saddle for an astoundingly long period of time:
Continue reading Stay Cool

Filed under: Awesome Chinese Behavior, Awesome Images, Before they were Hardass Asian Parents, Being Cool, Bicycles, China, Cool Parentals, Coolest Asian Ever, Hardass Asian Dads, Lambrettas, Med Students, Mods, Motorcycles, Quadrophenia, Saigon, Scooters, Side-Saddle, Skinny Legs, SO COOL, Sting, The Sixties, The Who, Vespas, Vietnam, What Happens If He Sneezes?, Who Rides Like This?

Cross-Promasian

I’ve been looking forward to seeing Tim Bui’s new film, Owl and the Sparrow–already being heralded as a critical darling–for some time now. It’s right up my alley (an irreverent love story set in Modern-day Saigon, directed by a Saigon-born OC brat, sign me up!), and I must admit that I’m sliiiiiightly devastated that I missed this week’s Orange County premiere and its ensuing after-party at Vietnamese-America’s Isreal, Bolsa Avenue.

I was suprised to see that Tila Tequila signed up to do a promotional viral video for the film. Wowee zowee, I thought to myself. What does this mean? Does Tila Nguyen really exist? And does she have a heart of gold? And does she want to reprzent for our peeps? And does she love indie films? Maybe we could kick it at the Laemmle Sunset 5 sometime!

I would give my left nut to find some common ground with this bitch. I mean, I hate on her a lot. But I don’t want to have to! I want to find some redeeming quality about my fellow Nguyen and the only Vietnamese sub-lebrity that any blogger gives a hard-on about, so that I can simply rest my hateful, blogging fingertips, knock back some Macallan 12, rock out on Guitar Hero, and call it a night.

I watched Tila’s promotional video with an open mind, if not a bias towards supporting it. Actually–here, you watch:

Guys, I don’t know what to tell ya, but I actually believe that Tila may have the SADIM touch; that is, instead of gold, everything she touches turns to a huge steaming pile of shit. I know that Tila had her heart in the right place when she acted (terribly) in this senseless piece of turd. But it doesn’t matter. She’s terrible to watch. Listening to her robotic speech and disconnected acting gives me awful shivers. Her wretchedness is distracting: What movie was this cross-promoting? I can’t remember; I just slit my wrists to end my own suffering.

I’m not sure how good intentions could go so awry, but they do, especially when someone has the SADIM touch. Think I’m crazy? It’s happened to her before.

Hey, I may never find my common ground with Ms. Tequila, but I do respect the fact that we both gave it the ol’ college try.

View the Owl and the Sparrow official trailer here.

Source Source Source Source Source

Filed under: Bolsa Ave, Common Ground, Good Intentions--Poor Execution, I Need a Ngu Last Name, Indie Movies, Owl and the Sparrow, Reprzentasian, Saigon, Stuff to Watch, Tila Tequila, Tim Bui, Vietnam