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No Longer a Wie Lass

July 21st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

We suppose you can’t fault Michelle Wie for being ambitious. Coming off a much-discussed disqualificasian for not signing her scorecard at the State Farm Classic Saturday, the 18 year-old golfer will be playing with the big boys next week in the Legends Reno-Tahoe Open. It will be Michelle’s eighth time playing on the PGA Tour.

Frankly, we’re worried. A year ago, after she bailed on a few tournaments, we wondered if Michelle wasn’t fast becoming the Anna Kournikova of golf. A whole lotta sizzle but no steak. And now that she’s an adult, no one’s impressed anymore by her merely showing up. We love to see a woman competing against men, but girlfriend’s got to brang it. Otherwise, it’s just another tired old–yes, old–bid for attention.

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Ricism of Olympic Proportions

June 27th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
“Eat me!”


Somebody tell me this Reuters story’s not true–“Japanese athletes begin chopstick-less ‘food camp’”:

TOKYO (Reuters) – Japanese athletes have begun a spartan, chopstick-free Chinese food training program to help them acclimatize for this year’s Beijing Olympics.

First of all, a message to Japanese Olympians: SACKTHEFUCKUP. You have to train for speed, strength, and endurance. You have to train to win a gold medal (or a silver or bronze, if you’re cool with slightly disappointing your country). You don’t have to “train” to eat Chinese food, candy asses.

Second, a message to Beijing Olympic organizers: WHATTHEFUCK. You’re in China, you’re serving Chinese food, ergo, you need to provide some muthafuckin chopsticks.

ENDOFSTORY.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Sara, We Hardly Nguyen You

August 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
We, too, have longed to do this to certain people’s, um, peppers

25 year-old Sara Nguyen was eliminated last night on Top Chef, after failing to make decent burgers and milkshakes for drunk people.

But really Sara lost because she is a CRYBABY. After the producers duped the cast into thinking they were going out on the town in MyHammy, and everyone got dressed up then loaded in a limo, the “cheftestants” were abruptly told that they had to make “hangover food” for about 100 people out of a catering truck.

Sara lost her shit because she was in a “low-cut shirt” and had to shop for groceries in…gasp!…heels. She claimed that those tough circumstances “demoralized” her and put her “out of (her) element.” Fellow cheftestants thought Howie was an asshole for calling her a baby…

…but I couldn’t have agreed more with that short, bald fat fuck.

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Ooh, I Wish It Would Rain Down On Me

July 5th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Pictured below is Korean superpopstar Rain, not performing at the Staples center to a screaming crowd of thousands this past weekend:

Today’s forecast: Mostly Sunny

According to the LA Times, Rain’s much anticipated performance was cancelled just an hour and a half before the show was to begin, disappointing hordes of fans–many who had flown from across the globe. Obviously a huge number of Angelinos were deeply disappointed, including two girls named Jen and Diana that you may know pretty well:

“No Rain tonight? Why, WHY? WHY??” – Jen and Diana (holding back the tears)
…so what was the deal? While some guessed low ticket sales, the LA Times reported that Rain was quick to point the finger at the event’s promoters:

The missed concert — for which 77% of available tickets were sold, according to Ticketmaster — could push back his efforts to establish his pop stardom in America by as much as two years.

“The local promoter didn’t set up everything,” Rain, whose real name is Jung Ji-Hoon, said through an interpreter Sunday. “When I came to the venue, the LED screen couldn’t be set up. I have rain falling in the concert — that couldn’t work. The stage wasn’t set up, there were no lights, no sound. I wanted to do a great show. But yesterday, I couldn’t get on stage.”

V2B’s Chief Executive Andy Kim, however, tells a very different story, insisting the tour’s original promoter, StarM, pulled the plug on the show after discovering the production would not be able to use Rain’s massive Korean-made LED screen — a central component of his stage show — because it didn’t conform to American electrical standards.

Oh, Rain. Jen and I understand what it’s like to not get what you want, exactly like you want it. And so, we have a few things for you.

This is a gift from me:

And here’s Jen, playing the world’s smallest violin:

Feel better, dude! See you never!!!

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