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News today: For crashing the White House state dinner, the oh-so-tawdry hobknobbers Tareq and Michaele Salahi have, as expected, been served with subpoenas–a decision made today by a congressional panel. The couple will face questioning on January 20 by the House of Representatives Homeland Security Committee.
Filed under: Embarrassing, Fame Whores, House of Representatives Homeland Security Committee, Humiliasian, India, Michaele Salahi, Reality TV, Reality TV Wannabes, Ruh-Roh, Shameless Behavior, State Dinner, Tareq Salahi, Terrible Couples, The Salahis, The White House, White House Party Crashers, Whoopsieeee
This photo just emerged from Katy Perry’s recent Willy Wonka-themed birthday bash, which displays the adorably squinty-eyed Taylor Swift and this clever gentleman:
TMZ reports that Swift’s rep had a reasonable explanation for the faux-to pas: “Taylor took pictures with about 100 people that night … she doesn’t know who this guy is and she didn’t realize what was on his shirt.”
OH. That makes sense to us. After all, it’s very difficult to notice a GIANT, RED, FUCKIN’ SWASTIKA ON THE FRONT OF SOMEONE’S GODDAMN SHIRT. Especially when you’re busy celebrating!
What’s up, girl? We just read that you turned yourself in to the police last month, and just got arrested, in association with the February burglaries of celebutards Audrina Patridge and Lindsay Lohan–aka the Hollywood Hills “Burglar Bunch” string of celebrity heists.
So okay, there are just a couple of teensy things that your big sistaz here at DISGRASIAN have to say (if we may):
First of all, we can’t condone crime, baby. That shit is not good for our collective AZN rep. Stealing is especially frowned upon (unless it’s of the spotlight, the glory, or some dirty bitch’s boyfriend) because it reads as really desperate, sad behavior. Our peeps—we aren’t desperate! We shouldn’t steal stuff cuz we should have stuff. We don’t need stuff, we’ve got good stuff. And if we want more stuff, we just do reallyreallyreally well at something and get a bunch of money and then buy that stuff. Know what we mean?
Secondly, bravo on turning yourself in. That shows a bit of penance, or at least the smarts to build leverage before you and your buddies get threatened with prison time and beaten and forced to narc like crazy on each other until y’all are facing life without the possibility of parole or something. Did your parents make you hand yourself over to the fuzz? Wait–do your parents EVEN KNOW YOU [ALLEGEDLY] ROBBED A COUPLE OF CELEBRITIES YET?!? Or do they think you’re off at college or something and just not returning phone calls about your grades? If not, whoa, sister. We don’t know you, but our spare room is open if you get released and need to hide/crash somewhere for the rest of your life. Shit.
Third and finally, did you manage to steal anything good? From Lohan’s house, we mean (we’ve got no interest in Patridge’s extensive collection of skanky mini-dresses). There’s gotta be some crazy shit up in that hellhole! Anyway, let us know… we’re, um, just curious!
Keep ya head up, girl.
Filed under: Audrina Patridge, Bad Behavior, Burglary, Celebutards, Criminals, Disappointing Your Parents, Lindsay Lohan, Penance, Rachel Lee, Ruh-Roh, Skanks, Stealing, The Fuzz, Theft, Turning Yourself In
In an effort to rebut rumors that she faked the birth of her fifth child in order to cover up the pregnancy of her sixteen year-old daughter, Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin has just confirmed that the now-17 year-old Bristol is currently five months pregnant.
Whether or not you buy the story that Trig Palin is actually Bristol’s too (and therefore the Governor’s grandson–which would kinda intimate that Bristol is a very busy girl) or that Palin’s teen daughter is three, four, five, or eleventy-billion months pregnant for the first time, one thing has now also been confirmed:
Teen pregnancy is SO HOT right now.
God, I can’t wait for them to make “I’M WITH CHILD” baby tees at Kitson! I know I’d sure as heck spend $125 on one of those.
Filed under: Baby Mamas, Bristol Palin, People Who Have No Shame, Republicans, Ruh-Roh, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Fake Pregnancy, Screw HIgh School Be A Mom, Spike from Degrassi High Is A Pioneer, Teen Pregnancy
Like many of you, I’ve been watching closely to see what will become of yesterday’s super-dot-com, Yahoo!, as Jerry Yang and pals try desperately to avoid Microsoft’s low-ball $46.6 billion hostile takeover.
Phew! Jen and I can’t wait until somebody attempts a $46.6 billion takeover of DISGRASIAN. Sorry, readers, at that point there will be no resistance, only island-purchasing. But you’ll all be invited to stay awhile!
Regarding Yahoo!’s reticence, I recently read an assessment of Yang that I never thought I’d see:
“According to one source close to the situation, ‘The emotional part of Yang would rather do anything but sell to Microsoft, but he doesn’t have the cards to come up with a value-creating, competitive alternative for shareholders.’”
My stoic, terse, anal-retentive, never-say-cry, Hardass Asian Dad and I have a pretty simple message for weepy Mr. Yang: “Do not emote. Sell! Sell! Sell!”
Celebitchy reports that Yoko “Ono I Don’t Love Money, I Love John” Ono’s attorneys have contacted metal singer/songwriter Lennon Murphy (which is the name on her birth certificate, though she goes just by the first), mandating that she stop using the name “Lennon” or face a legal attack.
Yikes. Does this happen to people named Porsche and Mercedes and McDonald’s and Frappuccino, too?
Lennon writes on her MySpace blog:
“Ono filed what is for the most part a law suit with the Trademark and Trial Board of the US Patent & Trademark office this past week… Yoko waited 8 years until 2 days before the statue of limitations ran out to file this complaint. 5 lawyers including 2 trademark experts we have spoken with agree that Yoko has no grounds for these claims and is just trying to push Lennon around and make her spend money she doesn’t have. Yoko seeks to gain the rights to the Trademark ‘LENNON’ which Lennon Murphy has owned since 2003.”
O-no! This situation looks so bad that even Julian “Forgotten” Lennon has jumped on board to show his support.
“In a blog entry titled “Sad but True & interesting ……….. I feel for her & know the situation well,” Julian Lennon posts a message from Lennon, the female rock singer, and says that the girl has his ‘full support.’ In an earlier version of the blog entry, which Julian has since edited, he prefaced Lennon’s statement by saying that he’s had his own legal run-ins with Yoko over the years and that if ‘she could have stopped me from working using my own legal name, she would have.’”
Yoko sure means business. Lennon business, that is. It sure does make me wonder what would happen if Ono paid this much attention to her own name?
Lucy Liu recently spoke with The Associated Press about wanting her work to actually matter. A few highlights from the interview:
LUCY: It was never a goal to be out of television or in television.
TRANSLASIAN: If McG or Tarantino aren’t calling, my film career consists of awkward romantic pairings, failed comedy attempts, and lesbian vampire love scenes. At least on TV, people embrace my inability to step out of my modus operandi–that is, my inability to act as anything but a gorgeous, stone-faced, icy bitch.
LUCY: I love doing action movies, I love kung fu, but that doesn’t express who I am as an artist. What about the acting part of it? There’s no green screen in this. It’s just bare-bones work.
TRANSLASIAN: I am tired of people telling me that my Kill Bill performance was my best work, because I barely spoke and soon enough, I was dead. Oh lawdy, I hate my career.
LUCY: [Considering the notion of "having it all] –It’s all very confusing because I think what you want changes.
TRANSLASIAN: Everyone in TV keeps reminding me that after I left Ally McBeal, I yelled, “I’m moving on to films, muthafuckas!!!” while giving them all the finger. Now I kinda wish I’d never done that.
LUCY: What’s happening now with the strike is incredibly important, and sometimes it leads to better things even though there’s going to be a lot of sacrifices in the meantime.
TRANSLASIAN: Oh my God, this Cashmere Mafia show I’m on is so fucking stupid. I’m never going be Carrie Bradshaw and I know it. Why did my agent let me take this job? It is so humiliating. Darren Star, Shmarren Star. These idiots I’m working with wouldn’t know a brilliant scene from a paper bag. I can’t believe it–this series will completely obliterate what’s left of my career, nail in the coffin and all that. I am having a total fucking panic attack. Thank bejeezus for the writers’ strike. I hope upon hope that this show gets canned before another human being lays eyes on it. Can somebody please dial up McG for me?
Just days before the election, parliament approved an independent counsel investigation into allegations that Lee manipulated stock. The investigation is to be completed before the Feb. 25 inauguration, and Lee has said he will step down if found at fault. “After all, the people chose the economy over morality,” the Maeil Business Newspaper wrote in an editorial for its Thursday editions.
South Koreans apparently wanted change so badly that they were willing to overlook accusations of ethical lapses that dogged Lee throughout his campaign.
Just days before the election, parliament approved an independent counsel investigation into allegations that Lee manipulated stock. The investigation is to be completed before the Feb. 25 inauguration, and Lee has said he will step down if found at fault.
“After all, the people chose the economy over morality,” the Maeil Business Newspaper wrote in an editorial for its Thursday editions.
Oh geez, South Korea. Take it from us, ‘cuz we speak from experience. Not a great idea.
Reuters reported over the weekend that, in Lianyungang, a city in eastern Jiangsu province, China, boys outnumber girls 8 to 5, because of China’s one-child policy and sex-selective abortions based on the traditional Chinese preference for boy children.
Researchers have warned that the gender gap means millions of men will be unable to find a wife, raising the risks of anti-social and violent behaviour.
I mean, Oh, boys.
I mean, Oh shit.
The Associated Press reports that The FBI and Chinese police caught two pirate software gangs and collected over $500 million worth of programs this week.
Arrrrrrrrr and Avast, mateys! I s’pose this means I should get rid o’ me illegal copies o’ 300 and Hot Fuzz, lest t’Fuzz catch me!
Speakin’ o’ Asian pirate gangs, if they look anythin’ like this:
Okay, well, Shaggy’s going to go on his break now… but whenever you’re ready, I’ll be covering his tables..
Great news!!! Reuters reports:
“Hong Kong’s winters could vanish within 50 years, with the number of cold days declining virtually to zero due to global warming and urbanization, the head of the city’s weather observatory warned on Friday…
…Over the past century, temperatures in Hong Kong rose around 1.2 degrees, almost double the global average, said Lam, who warned that the city’s winters might actually vanish half a century earlier if Hong Kong’s rapid urbanization trends were taken into account.
‘We would really start losing the very distinct seasonal march throughout the year … We would really look more tropical than we (are) now,’ Lam told reporters.
The number of summer ‘hot-nights’ in Hong Kong, with temperatures above 28 degrees Celsius, has already jumped to 30 a year — an almost four-fold increase from the 1990s, said Lam, as heat trapped during the day by the concrete city and its teeming skyscrapers is unable to dissipate fully at night.
Lam attributed Hong Kong’s forecast temperature rise of three to four degrees by the end of the century to urbanization and global warming in equal measure.”
Ruh-roh. Check that, I meant “Bad News.”