DISGRASIAN™

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Naked Padma Lakshmi

Padma Lakshmi tells Page Six Magazine this week, “I like me better naked.”

And we couldnt’ agree more. To be clear, the context of that comment is actually about being perceived as one’s genuine self:

“I don’t mean that in a vain way… When you put clothes on, you immediately put a character on. Clothes are adjectives, they are indicators. When you don’t have any clothes on, it’s just you, raw, and you can’t hide.“

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Filed under: Baby Bump, Beautiful Ladies, Glorious Nudity, Naughty Bits, New York Post, Padma Lakshmi, Padma Lakshmi Naked, Padma Lakshmi Nude, Padma Lakshmi Pregnant, Page Six Magazine, Posing Nude, Robots, Sartorial Choices, Top Chef

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Ann Curry

Our pal Angry Asian Man haaaaates it when we make fun of Ann Curry, because he’s got a mad crush on the Today show anchor, who turns 53 today.

But the truth is, we do, too.

There’s something ineffably charming about her, whether it’s her repeatedly wishing you a good morning or her oogly-love for Brad Pitt that makes her go all fangirl during an interview. We’ve called her a robot time and again, yet we can’t actually remember how that got started in the first place–must have something to do with how perfect she always seems (and certainly how perfect her lipstick always is).

She’s just trying soooooo hard alllllll the time, y’know?

She should get points for that. And since it’s her birthday, we’re only going to say nice things about Ann. Here goes:

Ann, baby. You turn 53 today, and you look fuckin’ amazing. Please email us the name and number of your derm when you get a chance. You seem like a nice person, way nicer than us, all oozy with compassion, even when you’re talking to hideous fame trolls like Octomom, i.e. people we’d rather punch in the face. Your voice, that silky, smooth alto, could soothe the bloodlust of famished baby hyenas. We kid and we tease you only out of love. Now please don’t stop doing ridiculous things like really awkward hip-hop dancing or attempting to scale one of the world’s tallest, cruelest mountains or inappropriately touching movie stars’ faces, or we won’t have anything fun to write about anymore.  Oh, and happy birthday!

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Filed under: Ann Curry, Asian News Anchors, Birthdays, Hardhitting Journalists, Mixed People, Perfect People, Robots, The Today Show

ROPID: Cuter Than A Baby Prawn

Meet Ropid (Rapid + Robot), a new robot just unveiled by scientists in Japan that jumps, responds to directions…







…and is about 10,396,574 more adorable and fun to watch than your obnoxious little cousin with 1 year of ballet and 4 years of piano lessons under her belt, who your aunt dresses up in stupid party dresses every time there’s the teeniest, mundane family function going on–who she will HUSH AN ENTIRE ROOM FOR (sometimes even an NBA Playoff game) so that the little fucker can sing a song and dance it out, then follow with an encore presentasian of a plunked-out, shitty Sonatina on the piano.

10,396,574 more adorable and fun to watch than your cuz. And you can turn it off.

[BBC News: Jumping Robot An 'Entertainer']

Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: Adorable, Adorable-ness, Asian Families, Awesome Inventions, Baby Robot, Cousins, Cute Things, Dope, Dopeass Stuff, Family Functions, Fun, Japan, Performing, Piano, Piano Lessons Are Required, Robots, Ropid

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Julie Chen and Les Moonves’s Baby Boy, Charlie

Congratulations to Julie Chen and Les Moonves, who welcomed the birth of their son, Charlie, Thursday morning in Los Angeles. The baby was due October 4th but arrived a little early. This is the first child for Chen, 39. Moonves, 60, has three children from a previous marriage.

Although Charlie was born just a few hours ago, the media-savvy couple have already released his first baby picture:

BABY CHENBOT!!!

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Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: Babies, Baby Robot, Charlie Moonves, Chenbot, Hollywood Babies, Julie Chen, Les Moonves, Robots

Padma Lakshmi Has a Secret Talent

Padma Lakshmi has a secret talent. In addition to her obvious ones, like rocking a huge scar, making food from Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. actually seem desirable, and looking good naked, the 38 year-old Top Chef robo-host is secretly FUNNY.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Although I’ve never seen evidence of this in the five seasons she’s hosted Top Chef, I cleverly deduced this when I learned that she’d signed a development deal to star in her own sitcom. And, you see, “sitcom” stands for “situational comedy.” And Comedy = Funny. So that must mean Padma = Funny, right?

What kind of funny do you think Padma is exactly? Sardonic funny, like Jon Stewart? Prop-comedy funny, like Carrot Top? (Okay, Carrot Top’s not funny.) Rape-joke funny, à la La Silverman?

Ooh, I just had a terrible thought. What if Padma’s not funny at all? Hmm…

Let’s go over this again together. She’s going to star in her own sitcom. Check. And sitcom stand for “situational comedy.” Check. And Comedy = Funny. Check. So that means Padma = Funny.

Phew! Glad I worked that one out. Padma = Funny, end of story.

[Variety: Padma Lakshmi stirs up sitcom plans]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: Comedy, Funny Ladies, Indian-Americans, Padma Lakshmi, Padma Lakshmi Nude, Padma Lakshmi Sitcom, Robots, Secret Talents, Top Chef

Not Just A Hobby-Hob, Robots Need A Jobby-Job

The NY Times has reported that Japan’s robots are now facing a devastating rise in unemployment, due to the economic slump of our current worldwide recession.

What does this mean for American robots? OH MY GOD, WHAT WILL ANN CURRY DO!?!? IS SHE GOING TO BE OKAY!?!???????????????????????? ANN! BABY! IF YOU’RE READING THIS, CALL ME AND I’LL START PUTTING MY FEELERS OUT FOR NEW GIGS. WE’LL FIND SOMETHING. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.

[NYT: In Recession, Japanese Lay Off Robots]

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Thanks, Eliza and Pete!
Sorry, Phil!

Filed under: Ann Curry, Ann Curry Is A Robot, Bummer Situations, Economic Crisis, Global Economics, Japan, Japanese Robots, Robot Unemployment, Robots, The Recession

Hot For Robot Teacher?

“Hello. I am Saya the robot teacher. I have been programmed to educate young children. And. To make them successful adults. My face can show. Five Hardass Asian Teacher emotions. They are Fear. Disgust. Anger. Sad. Surprise. Technically, I can also show Happy. [robot laughs] I do not use Happy ever. My hard drive has also been pre-loaded. With. Standard phrases that help students learn. Study more tonight. Why don’t you try harder. I am disappointed. Your parents will be ashamed. What a delicious apple. “

[Ubergizmo: Saya Robot Teacher]

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Filed under: Disappointment, Happy? How In God's Name Can We Make A Hardass Asian Robot Teacher Happy?, Hardass Asian Teaching, Japanese Inventions, Robot Teacher, Robots, Saya Robot Teacher

BABEWATCH: Kacey Wong

Name: Kacey Wong

Hails from: Hong Kong

Occupation: Visual Artist

Why He’s A Babe: Besides rocking cool-geek chic as naturally as black hair, Wong applies poetic impressions of Hong Kong to very quirky, easy-on-the-eyes “experiments.”

Recently, Wong created a wheeled homeless shelter–including a bed and a desk–that unfolds from the shape of a robot (see photo, above). He says: “My question is: what if the homeless shelter is beautiful, to the point where it becomes a public artwork on the street?”

A four-eyed do-gooder with great intentions and an even better aesthetic? If that ain’t hot, we don’t know what is.

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Filed under: Artists, China, Four-Eyes, Geeks, Homeless Shelters, Hong Kong, Hot and Goofy, Innovation, Inspirasians, Kacey Wong, Robots, Spectacles

You May Be 95 Lbs., Robot Lady, But You’ve Got Wicked Man-Hands

Japanese researchers unveiled the HRP-4C robot Monday, at the National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology outside Tokyo. Her creators, who have intended the robot to be used for entertainment purposes, said that her look is manga-inspired.

“If we had made the robot too similar to a real human, it would have been uncanny,” said one of the inventors, humanoid research leader Shuji Kajita.

And by “uncanny,” we’re guessing they mean “pervy” and “ewww.”

One thing that’s realistic about the HRP-4C, who will walk in a fashion show later this month, is her weight. She tips the scales at 95 lbs., which is apparently the average weight of a Japanese woman.

Needless to say, we already HATE the skinny bitch.

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Filed under: Artificial Intelligence, Entertainment Robots, HRP-4C Robot, Man-Hands, Manga, Robots, Skinny Bitches, Skinny Robots

Hot Carl

Dearest Padma,

I guess we should be glad that a glorious, gorgeous, out-of-this-world, epicurean goddess like yourself would agree to do a commercial for a fast-food joint. Because even though you have a beating heart, two eyes… even though you drink, sleep, excrete, and screw, it’s hard for us to accept that you’re a real-live person, much less one of the people.

Okay, we can appreciate what’s going on here: the fact that you’ll soon be using that face to peddle sloppy burgers for Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. (same beast) brings you down to Earth. It shows us your lowest common denominator. It proves that processed meats and sesame seed buns are not just for the ignorant, saddle-bagged, Tuna Helper masses of Middle America, but also for famous, particular, beautiful, elegant TV hosts from Manhattan. It’s meant to show us that this famous author’s ex-wife is real, and for that matter, so is Hardee’s. Now everybody, rich or poor, finicky or not, has the ability to get real along with you. Yeah. That’s really lovely.

But Padma. We feel that despite the motivation, you’re better than this. You do not want to take career cues from Paris Hilton. We’ve watched enough Top Chef to know that these quick burgers are not up to your standards, even after a bottle of wine (trust us, we’ve eaten enough of them for anybody). More importantly, we’ve never actually seen a commercial of this ilk that made us want to even eat food–in fact, they almost always inspire waves of nausea and a lasting aversion to the sound of chewing.

Maybe your “beautiful love song to food” will be enough to change our minds. But at the moment, we’re hard-pressed to truly believe that.

xo,
DISGRASIAN

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Filed under: Beautiful Ladies, Carl's Jr., Cheap Advertising, Fast Food, Foodies, Goddesses, Hardee's, Padma Lakshmi, Peddling for Companies, Robots, Salman Rushdie, Top Chef, TV Commercials

Is This Beckham-oning to Me?

Hey Jen,

You know I think Victoria Beckham is a useless, scary, skeletal, creepy robot.

So why are these pieces from her new collection speaking to me?

Have I lost my mind? Is there a brain virus eating my rational thought? Is the world coming to an end? Has a zombie invaded my soul?

Or is that hot bitch in heels like, SO GORGE that she can just make a potato sack/paper bag/Beckham design look fierce? And if that’s the case, I’m totally normal and just love myself a hot bitch, right?

Please toss out a theory. I’m frightened. So frightened.

Thanks!

xoxo
Diana

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Filed under: Asian Models, Beautiful Ladies, Fear, Gorge, Hot Bitches, I Wanna Be A Supermodel, Models, Notes to Jen, Robots, The Apocalypse, Victoria Beckham

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

This week, we celebrate the 39th birthday of Julie Chen, aka the reigning Queen Missus of the CBS empire. We envy her shiny-and-full-of-body coif and pretty eyes (we bet she’s got a sweet-bangin’ GPS system in her car, or some other cool gadget like that, too).

May she continue to look this lovely and ageless until robotic eternity! Her very existence makes us want to turn 39, too, like NOW.

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Filed under: Anti-Agin' Asian, Big Brother, CBS, Great Chompers, Julie Chen, Les Moonves, Queens, Robots