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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

November 6th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Happy 40th birthday to Yahoo! founder Jerry Yang! On this day, perhaps you can enjoy counting your billions and reminding yourself that even as the stock market continues to plunge, you will still remain rich enough to appear “goofy-hot” to your wife. Yay!

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Bill Gasian

March 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Voicemail from Diana’s mom, heard over the weekend:

“…know if she is going to pick up? (pause) Hello? Hello? Diana? Hello are you there? (click)”

-end of voicemail-


“Hi Diana, it’s Mom. You never called me about those forms for your stocks. You need to do that before the end of the week. Don’t forget. You always wait until the last minute, that’s why you always end up making mistakes. Anyway. Just called to say hi. Are you traveling this weekend? If not, your aunt is having a birthday at the Seafood Palace on Sunday. Come at noon. It starts at one but you are always late. Make sure you leave LA with plenty of time to–”

-end of voicemail-


“Hi Di. It’s Mom. Your Daddy says hello. We read in the paper today that Bill Gates is no longer the world’s richest man. He is the man that makes computers, right? My friends and I were very impressed by him. My friend from meditation practice was always thinking he is very handsome. Why do you think he lost his fortune? He probably got very lazy and then lost a lot of money. That is so bad, to fail at business. His parents must be very disppoint–”

-end of voicemail-


“Anyway, Di, I’ll talk to you later. When you come down to visit, can you bring that movie you forgot to give me last time? Okay. And don’t forget to deal with those stocks today. Don’t wait. Like I told you before. Bye.”

-end of voicemail-

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Kimora Than You Can Handle?

October 17th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


KIMORA: Alright bitches, let’s make this happen.

AOKI LEE: I want a pumpkin, mommy!

MING LEE: Please mommy, let’s play!

DJIMON: What’s the hurry? We’re just enjoying ourselves at the pumpkin patch.

KIMORA: Excuse me, did I just hear you assert an opinion? Stay back there where you belong.

AOKI LEE: Pumpkin!

KIMORA: Aoki, keep quiet and work that dress, girl. When we get home Mommy will let you wear some of her dead animals.

DJIMON: I just think that we should let them take their time here. It’s just good, clean, wholesome fun.

KIMORA: It’s free fun, Djimon. And everyone that knows anything knows that free fun isn’t that fun. Let’s go somewhere for dinner where they can kick someone out of a table for us.

DJIMON: Kimora, I’m not sure that the best example we can set for children is to be loud, obnoxious, and greedy.

KIMORA: Are you calling me fat? I am not fat.

DJIMON: I didn’t even say the word fat. I’m talking about setting examples.

KIMORA: What do you know about examples? I’m a mogul! That’s an example for you!

MING LEE: Mommy, my friend’s mommy said that wearing fur is wrong.

DJIMON: (to Ming) Well sweetie, she’s certainly entitled to that belief.

KIMORA: Ming, that whole “fur is fucked” thing is just something poor people say out loud to make themselves feel better about having to buy fake shit.

DJIMON: Kimora.

KIMORA: STAND BEHIND ME!

DJIMON: I’m just saying…

KIMORA: DON’T! SAY! ANYTHING! OR I WILL SHOVE ONE OF MY BOOTS UP YOUR ANUS. AND YOU WILL FEEL IT.

DJIMON: Kimora, I’m not trying to…

KIMORA: Oh boy, here it comes.

DJIMON: Alright, fatty. Bring it.

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