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(I Am Your) Brother from Another Planet

January 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Y’all heard about the recent UFO sighting in my home state Texas, right? I figured that was a bunch of horseshit, as we would say in the Lone Star State, until Wednesday night, when I was given a reason to believe that one of Them is among us.

His name is Renaldo Lapuz, and he auditioned for American Idol this week. I suspect that Lapuz flew in on his feathered hat, and that it was marked with the name of his intended abduction victim.

The metallic element in the extraterrestrial’s cape was identifiable to the naked eye as lunar silver, distinguishable by its unique iridescent sheen.

But the dead giveaway that Lapuz is an alien life form was his claim that he hailed from Reno, Nevada. Nevada, home to The Extraterrestrial Highway and the most UFO sightings on planet Earth. Fortunately for all parties involved, Lapuz turned out to be a friendly visitor, regaling the American Idol judges with this message from his people:

I am your brother
your best friend forever
singing the songs
the music that you like

We’re brothers ’til the end of time
together forever til the end of time

And with that, Lapuz hugged Simon and bid the judges (and Earth) farewell.

Simon Cowell, whom the alien had tearfully declared “Heaven’s Chosen,” was overheard complaining after the show of minor anal cavity discomfort. Lapuz, meanwhile, is goin’ home, back to the place where he belongs, where alien love has always been enough for him…he’s goin’ ho-o-o-ome.

Source: Fox

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