You are currently browsing posts tagged with Rehab Is The New Black

Might As Well Face It, You’re Addicted To… Us?

January 6th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Ordinarily, we would support rehab for Internet addiction–’cuz too much Interwebs probably is kinda bad for you–even if we don’t support methods like repeated playing of the “If You’re Happy and You Know It” song, or forced playing of board games “in person” (like, why in God’s name would you dick around with real Scrabble tiles when Facebook bingoing is so nice and neat and easy?) or running around outdoors.

Good times

But then, it’s like, if we cure Asian Internet addicts, that’s just a whole group of peeps that might not spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week reading DISGRASIAN, or sending tips to us at DISGRASIAN HQ, or poking us on Facebook, or reading our MySpace posts, or rocking our RSS feed.

We just simply cannot have that.

So, no–ultimately, we do not support rehab for Internet addiction.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Rehabilitasian

November 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The New York Times published a story yesterday about a boot camp in South Korea called “Jump Up Internet Rescue School,” which purports to cure young web addicts. All the unhappy campers at this Outward Bound-ish rehab are teenage boys.

“This blows.”


One fifteen year-old, Lee Chang-hoon, who was sent to this camp because he was on the internet 17 hours a day, was described as “wet and shivering” during one exercise where he had to climb a telephone pole:

At the top, [Chang-hoon] slowly stood up, legs quaking, arms outstretched for balance. Below, the other boys held a safety rope attached to a harness on his chest.

“Do you have anything to tell your mother?” the drill instructor shouted from below.

“No!” he yelled back.

“Tell your mother you love her!” ordered the instructor.

“I love you, my parents!” he replied.

“Then jump!” ordered the instructor. Chang-hoon squatted and leapt to a nearby trapeze, catching it in his hands.

Geez. Talk about some Hardass Asian In Loco Parentis. Sure, some of these dudes sound like they got social probs, but aren’t they on the computer 17 hours a day because they haven’t gotten laid and are funneling their sexual frustrasians into WoW?

A better idea is to introduce these fellas to some ladies. Real live ones instead of those anime porn stars with circus tits that they “play” with online. The camp could teach them useful things like how to chat a girl up, properly use tongue, and unhook a complicated bra. Kinda like The Pick-Up Artist for teens. But instead, these poor guys are forced to stroke telephone poles? Aren’t they doing enough of that already?

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We Want No Part of This!

October 1st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Another track from Britney “I Don’t Give A Shiite That I’m Crazy” Spears’ forthcoming record has leaked to the gluttons for punishment of the Internet.

Save your ears, I’ll tell you which lyrics I take issue with:

I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They still got pictures of my derrière in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me…

AUGH.

Listen, we at DISGRASIAN have kept pretty quiet about the antics of Ms. Spears thus far, save for the occasional observation made about her offspring or innocent questioning of her ability to read.

But this we can’t keep quiet about. We don’t really care where Britney goes (although we’re happy to suggest rehab, or therapy, or Big Sur, or the 4-H hog-tying competition), we just don’t want her going anywhere near our peeps. Not a piece, a half, or a whole of her!

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Miss USELESS Pageant Tonight

March 23rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Drunk Girl/Coke Whore/reigning Miss USA Tara Conner will finally hand over her crown this evening. Congrats, Tara. It’s been, like, a total annus horribilis! The upshot is you’ve only checked yourself into rehab once in an entire year, unlike some people.



“You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talking… you talking to me? Well I’m the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”

Uh, I am talkin’ to you-know-who, but I digress. The real story here is that judges for tonight’s Miss USA pageant include Vanessa Minnillo, herself a former beauty queen:


And Kimora Lee Simmons, a former…


…person.

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Source: Taxi Driver
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