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Last Shot of Tila Tequila, Please

December 11th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The final showdown of MTV’s red cup-fest A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila goes down next week, and blogs across America are wildly abuzz: WHICH LOVER WILL TILA CHOOSE??

Will it be…


BOBBY or DANI–man or woman–straight dude or lesbian–
either way,we can’t believe they both still care and/or don’t have
managed to escape Tila’s embrace without an onslaught of V.D.


Oh who are we kidding? We don’t care. Nay, we don’t give a shit.

As we’ve maintained from the beginning, Tila is a poseur, fame whore, and most importantly, a homisogynasian drive-bi. We’ve never bought her bi-curiosity, only been amazed by her ability to turn a cache of zzzZzZztitillating web cam videos of herself sharing brisk kisses with gal pals into a much-discussed multi-episode reality series. Entrepreneurial? Sure. Bisexual? Not on your life.

Sure, people may have thought we were just hating on the short little trollop, ’cause we were jealous or somethin’. That was, of course, until Page Six chimed in–albeit eight episodes too late. As they report, an inside source says Tila has a boyfriend, and the sexy sexual curiosity thing has all just been a sham all along! Wow! Shocker!

That’s funny, she didn’t seem to mention any boyfriend when she was on Tyra Banks’ talk show, gushing vaguely and unconvincingly about how she’s been sneaking around “like [in] a movie” with the winner of the show–oops, we mean, the winner of her love–since they wrapped.

It all makes us wonder if the trifecta (secret boyfriend, show winner, and the drive-bi) are all involved in A Shot At Love’s second season, which has apparently been in motion since October.

After all the excitement of this fake season, one can only hope so. Can we make just one brilliant suggestion: ORGY PARTY!!!! WE’LL BRING THE RED CUPS.

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A Red Cup at Love with Tila Tequila

October 17th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Ah, the Red Solo Cup. Calls to mind so many wonderful memories, don’t it? Bitchin’ frat parties, binge drinking, drunk driving, vomiting on someone else’s upholstery, blacking out, and lots of lots of date rape. In other words, Fun Times!

Seeing as how Diana wrote the definitive deconstruction of the pilot of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, there’s really no need to get our hands and everything else dirrrrrrty over the second episode. Because what we witnessed in Number Two was not really Tila’s pathetic perseveration that she really really is a drive-bisexual or more gratuitous circus T’n'A or men preening in tranny heels, all of which did, in fact, occur. What we saw instead was shot after shot (pardon the pun) of RED SOLO CUPS. You know, those classy cups that wikipedia says, “have become the cup of choice for Beer Pong on college campuses.”

“What the eff? I thought this was a show for lezzies! This drama is driving me to drink! Thank God for this red cup.”

A homoerotic fight ensues over Tila between two totally masculine alpha red cup dogs. Tila looks on in horror from the chaise, clutching her red cup for dear life.

“Brahs, a little less fighting, a little more red cupping.”

Tila seeks refuge among the lezzies holding red cups.

Tila has a crying sesh on the couch with one of the lezzies, while declaring that she’s “overwhelmed” and she is “fer real,” gesticulating with her red cup for emphasis.

Tila goes in for a smooch with her lezzie du jour without tipping, yup, you guessed it, her fuckin’ red cup.

By our count, Red Cups made an appearance in that one-hour episode (40 minutes, really, when you count commercials) 201 times.

Excessive? Yes. Low-brow? Uh-huh. Trashy? You be the judge.


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