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If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

What the media thinks a North Korean plot against the U.S. looks like:

What Hollywood thinks a North Korean plot against the U.S. looks like:

Continue reading If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

At Samsung, a phone isn’t properly tested until a butt has been rubbed up all over it. [BuzzFeed]

Donald Trump thinks the GOP lost the presidential election because they didn’t appeal to enough Latinos and Asians. [Talking Points Memo]

Asian American consumers are projected to have over $1 trillion in buying power in the next five years. Marketers, get going already. [Los Angeles Times]

China’s People Daily Online was fooled by The Onion‘s selection of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un as their sexiest man alive for 2012. [The Daily Beast]

Some racists on Twitter are saying they hate Asians because of the recent remake of Red Dawn. [Racebending]

Some jerks vandalized the Vietnamese Student Union and a bathroom stall at UCLA with sexist and racist slogans this week. [Angry Asian Man]

Emily Joffe, who writes Slate’s “Dear Prudence” advice column, got a letter from a White dude who doesn’t want mixed race kids with his East Asian wife, and her reply was AWESOME: Continue reading Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Karate Kid And Red Dawn: Two Movie Remake-Wrongs Don’t Make A Right

June 4th, 2010 | 12 comments | Posted by Jen

NEWSFLASH: China is America’s enemy.

Okay, so this is not news exactly. But it’s a meme that’s getting some pop cultural attention this year with the release of two 80′s movie remakes that promote the idea–two of my favorite movies growing up, as it so happens–The Karate Kid, which opens in a week, and Red Dawn, which will debut in November.

The new Karate Kid is set in Beijing, where those oversized, sandy-haired thugs, aka Cobra Kai, have been updated into a gang of oversized, slanty-eyed thugs.

Say what you will about bad guys, but they always know how to rock a uniform, even when it’s dorky as hell

There are good Chinese people to balance out this “I am extremely terrified of Chinese Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Karate Kid And Red Dawn: Two Movie Remake-Wrongs Don’t Make A Right

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The Chinese Are Coming! The Chinese Are Coming! (Only It’s Not How You Think)

October 28th, 2009 | 7 comments | Posted by Jen

Holy shit, the Chinese are coming. But it’s not how you think. They’re not coming to take over a depressed, podunk American town and fight an insurgency of armed high school jocks. They’re not coming to buy up all of our real estate, convert the dollar to renminbi, or force us all to speak Mandarin (I mean, hello? This is America, where most people only speak American, so good luck with that). They are coming to America in record numbers as tourists, but that’s only a temporary phenomenon and, quite frankly, we could use the dough.

Eric Schmidt Google CEO

According to Google CEO, Eric Schmidt, the Chinese are coming…to take over the Internet. In a talk given at last week’s Gartner Symposium, Schmidt predicted that the internet in 5 years would be dominated by Chinese-language content.

For those who are “extremely terrified of Chinese people” and can only speak American, take heart. The scarier news that Schmidt delivered?

Today’s teenagers are the model for how the web will work in five years. You know, the same teenagers who we always hear are getting dumber. Schmidt’s exact words:

Talk to a teenager about the way they consume information, and remember that five or ten years from now, that’s your employee. It’s a little frightening, by the way.

A little frightening?!

Building my bunker now…

[ReadWriteWeb: Google's Eric Schmidt on What the Web Will Look Like in 5 Years]

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R.I.P. Patrick Swayze

September 15th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Patrick Swayze once owned a ranch one town over from where I grew up in northwest Houston. His mother, Patsy, was the dance instructor to my best friend’s little sister. I always thought I’d run into him one day at the Circle K or something, which is basically what happened to a high school friend of mine one summer.

It was after our first year of college, and I was hanging out with this friend, Jason, every day. It was wretchedly hot as usual, and we were bored out of our minds. We spent half the summer selling Cutco knives and didn’t make a dime. We played Trivial Pursuit so much that we noticed we began to repeat the same questions. I took Spanish classes at the local community college just to break up the monotony. Both of us fancied ourselves too sophisticated–after a whole year of college–to be back in our backwater hometown, and we spent a lot of our free time either watching Almodovar movies or driving 30 minutes into the city just to hang out at this gelato place. Gelato–and not plain ol’ ice cream–complemented our newly-acquired, worldly attitudes.

When it was clear we weren’t going to make any money selling knives to church ladies, I started temping at a paint company and Jason went to work at a local Eckerd’s in the photo lab. One day, Patrick Swayze, poured into a tight pair of jeans, walked into the drugstore to pick up some photos.

“The name’s Swaaaaaaaaaaaayze,” he said. Jason wouldn’t acknowledge that he recognized the movie star, the one tiny toehold of power a non-famous person has with a famous person. In his account of this chance meeting, my friend described Patrick Swayze as a real “cheeseball,” for no specific reason.

And the thing is, Patrick Swayze was cheeseball. Nearly all of his most memorable roles involved him taking his shirt off. His generous head of hair was always too coifed. He moved like a male stripper (and in some roles he was oiled-up like one, too). The way he and Demi got it on around that muddy potting table in Ghost–while she sculpted a laughably phallic hunk of clay–was just so icky. But it worked somehow. Maybe because Swayze came across as a rock of a man. He played mentors over and over again–whether it was the older brother (The Outsiders, Red Dawn), the teacher (Dirty Dancing), the protective lover (Road House, Ghost), or the leader of the pack (Point Break, To Wong Foo…). There was something aggressively Alpha about him, even though he could dance on his toes. He always played the guy who kept things together. He made movies that were mainstream and entertaining, and he wasn’t “cool,” except in a kitschy way. He was ice cream, not gelato. Nuthin’ fancy, but something you’d always enjoy returning to–even after a steady diet of snobbery and pretension–something uncomplicated, constant, and comforting that never failed to provide pleasure.

[Entertainment Weekly: Patrick Swayze: The Popwatch Youtube Appreciation]

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The Red Dawn Remake: The Chinese Are Coming! The Chinese Are Coming!

August 10th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Red Dawn was one of my favorite movies as a kid. It starred my girlhood crush, C. Thomas Howell. It was released in 1984, a year after The Outsiders, and it reunited three of that movie’s cast members: Howell, Patrick Swayze, and Darren Dalton. Red Dawn was, in fact, a lot like The Outsiders, only this time, the kids were armed with machine guns and RPG’s instead of knives and chains, and they were fighting a much bigger enemy than the Socs.


It was also a movie about America being invaded by the Soviets (and the Cubans), and group of all-American teens who become freedom fighters in the resistance against them. If you watch it now, the story seems much more about the mujahideen in 1980′s Afghanistan than it does about America. But it seemed so plausible at the time–to me, especially, as a child–that we could be invaded by the Soviet Union, because we were still firmly in the grips of the Cold War, and Russia was our enemy.

A Red Dawn remake is in the works, scheduled to begin production in September. Most of the principal cast has been confirmed, the latest addition being Connor Cruise, 14 year-old son of Tom Cruise. Remakes are generally never as good as their originals, but what really worries me about the Red Dawn remake is that the foreign invaders this go-around are apparently going to be…Chinese.


This isn’t entirely surprising, given how much cultural anxiety people feel these days about China taking over everything. Shoot, I even wrote a post two years ago during all of that China toy-recall hysteria and gave it this label: “I Smell a Remake of Red Dawn Only This Time the Invaders Have Slanty-Eyes.”

But this is 2009 and not 1984. Everybody knows that if the Chinese are going to take over America, they’re not going to do it by military force–they’re going to do it by buying up all of our real estate! Which, I suppose, is less exciting cinematically than guerrilla warfare. But I do wonder how the filmmakers are going to pull this off, if there’s any way to do Red Dawn with a Chinese enemy without it being totally racist?

All I can say is we’ll be keeping an eye on this remake. One very skeptical slanty-eye.

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