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Hardass Asian Parents, take note.
You can be an artist, and still rule at the maths. That’s true, at least, in the case of Korean American graffiti artist David Choe, who painted the walls of Facebook’s first corporate headquarters back in 2005. Instead of taking cash for his work, Choe chose to be paid in Facebook stock, even though he thought Facebook was “ridiculous and pointless” at the time. (This was his right brain talking. His left brain, meanwhile, was ignoring the right brain as it crunched the numbers.) As Facebook prepares to go public at a valuation between $75 and $100 billion, Choe’s stock will reportedly be worth $200 million.
Now that Choe no longer has to rely on art to pay the bills, he’s free to pursue his real dream…of becoming a doctor!
Filed under: Artists, Asian American Artists, David Choe, Facebook, Facebook IPO, Facebook Stock, Graffiti Artists, Hardass Asian Parents' Nightmares, Hardass Asian Parents' Wet Dreams, Korean-Americans, Mark Zuckerberg, OGs, Payouts, Really Smart People
Normally, like most painfully-competitive-to-the-point-of-self-destruction Hardass Asians, we hate it when our friends become successful.
But by golly, we’ve got a soft spot for the fabulous Ng Family (is it because both husband and wife are the hotness?) and a longstanding admirasian for their work in academia, literature and community.
We are happy today to offer congratulasians to Konrad Ng, well-known as an Asian American scholar and professor, who has just been named as Acting Director of the Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Program. It’s an incredible and important honor–and one that we can’t tell our parents about because they’ll wonder why they paid for our education out of pocket just so we could study literature and writing, ultimately not even obtaining any PhDs to afford them the pleasure of telling their friends to refer to us as “Dr. Wang” or “Dr. Nguyen,” and certainly not being tapped by the effing SMITHSONIAN for a highly coveted position benefiting our almond-eyed peeps on a national level. SIGH.
Yeah, Konrad, we’re totally happy for you! Great freaking job!
Filed under: Asian-American Scholars, Awesome Jobs, Coveted Positions, Dr. Konrad Ng, Good Looks, Higher Learning, Konrad Ng, Professors, Really Smart People, Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Program, The Smithsonian, University of Hawaii At Manoa Center For Chinese Studies
If you’re like us and fall hard for pretty people with big-ass brains, then honorasian Danica McKellar in collegiate gear and lingerie is YOUR WET, WET DREAM.
Filed under: Big Brains, Bras, College, Danica McKellar, Danica McKellar Lingerie, Danica McKellar Photo Spread In Maxim Magazine, Fantasy People, Honorasians, Lingerie, Math Nerds, Maxim, Nerds, Panties, Really Smart People, Smart Women, Smarties, The Wonder Years, Wet Dreams, Winnie Cooper
Have you heard about Lisa Mei Norton, right-wing Christian conservative country singer/songwriter?
She wants to keep her guns, finds Michelle Malkin and her ilk to be “smart,” thinks we’ve gone socialist, believes Obama wasn’t born here and loves to (tea) party. Oh, and she’s already working on the indoctrinasian of her six-year-old son. Translasian: She watches Fox News.
Filed under: A Revolution's Brewing, Anti-Agin' Asian, Big Dawg, Boobs, Christian Conservatives, Conservatards, Conservatives, Country/Western Singers, Disappointing Your Parents and Your Parent-Country, Enough Already, FOX News is a Joke, God Lovers, Grating Voices, Gung-Ho, Guns, Indoctrinasian, Liberty, Lisa Mei Norton, Logic Is Useless, Michelle Wie, Obama Birth Certificate, Pop Singers with 3rd-Grade Vocabularies, Really Smart People, Right Wing Nutjobs, Ruining Your Children, Singer/Songwriters, Tea Parties, Tea Party Anthem, Teabaggers, What the hell are you people talking about?, Why Does The Tea Party Get So Much Press?
Name: Jane Kim
Occupation: President of the San Francisco Board of Education, civil rights attorney
Hails from: Ess Eff (via Enn Why)
Why She’s A Babe: Jane Kim is one of those people who has apparently spent their lives entirely devoted to doing cool shit for other people. She’s a community organizer, tenant advocate, civil rights attorney, and elected official with a CV that seems to go on for days. Her colorful career choices alone give us due cause to crush on her (Oh man, nothing says, “I’ll show YOU law school, Mom and Dad” better than becoming a civil rights attorney that supports the art community in her spare time), but let’s be real here. Chica is sa-mokin’ hot.
Kim has the flawless skin, dancing eyes, prominent cheekbones, shiny hair and pretty lips of a person that could get by despite the fact that they, y’know, kick small children and don’t recycle. But we’re pretty sure she doesn’t do that. In fact, she seems quite fond of all kinds of children. We found this description of her work with the Board of Education on her site:
Jane Kim has advocated for expanded access for immigrant families, more equitable distribution of district resources, and greater accountability by the administration to the community whom they serve. Jane has provided leadership on a number of important educational reforms including closing the achievement/opportunity gap, redesigning the student assignment process, and promoting policies that have decreased the suspension and expulsion rates at SFUSD.
Though she was just elected by her colleagues to President of the Board in January of this year, it appears she now has her eyes on another prize in November: The SF Board of Supervisors. Oh good. Yet another thing to add to that CV!
Alrighty. So she’s practically perfect. But does she RECYCLE?
Filed under: Bay Area Hotties, Beautiful Ladies, Civil Rights, Civil Rights Attorneys, Community Organizers, Crushes, CVs That Sparkle, Elected Officials, Hardass Asian Parents, Immigrant Rights, Immigrants, Impressing My Parents, Jane Kim, Law School, Presidents, Really Smart People, Recycling, San Francisco, San Francisco Board of Education, San Francisco Board of Supervisors, Tenant Rights
Feminists in Germany are upset about it, with one saying, “It is an absolute insult to women that this has been invented.”
But, ladies. Let’s think this one through:
Girl dumps Boy.
Boy wants revenge.
Boy calls up Girl, says, “Can we talk?”
Girl goes over to Boy’s house.
Instead of talking, Boy proposes that he and Girl go for a swim/take a hot tub.
Girl agrees, because swimming/taking a hot tub with her ex is so much less awkward than talking.
Boy offers Girl a bikini.
Girl puts on the bikini, because there is nothing strange about her ex suddenly offering her a bikini.
Because Girl doesn’t care where that bikini might have been.
And Girl doesn’t care about donning a random bikini that might not fit or might not be flattering, because Girls aren’t obsessively particular about how they look in a bikini.
And Girl knows that thong bikinis, in particular, are not only for hot Brazilians, hot supermodels, or hot Brazilian supermodels.
And because it’s not a red flag for Girl to put on a bikini that was just laying around her ex’s house, as Boys always keep extra bikinis around their places, just like they keep tampons and Midol in their bathrooms.
Because Girl, who–let’s remember–dumped Boy, wants nothing more than to strut around in a bikini in front of her ex, a thong bikini no less, just like she wants nothing more than to blow him all night long.
Girl gets into pool/hot tub with Boy.
Girl’s borrowed bikini dissolves in the water.
Boy laughs–Oh, Sweet Revenge!
Girl, who, to wit, has already put on a random bikini her ex had laying around the house, pranced around in a thong that rode up her crack and that she never worried made her ass look fat, got into a pool/hot tub with Boy she dumped who has seen her naked a zillion times, suddenly becomes shy and Victorian and is abjectly humiliated.
Boy marvels at his ingenious plan.
The way I see it, if revenge-seeking misogynists are this dumbass, women really have nothing to worry about.
Check out how the dissolving bikini works here.
Playboy has published a list of America’s Sexiest CEO’s, and in a top 10 that includes several CEO’s in more traditionally Playboy-friendly industries such as lingerie and adult films, one of its most intriguing picks is Slideshare head Rashmi Sinha. (Slideshare is the world’s largest presentation sharing website and has been hailed as the “YouTube of Powerpoint presentations.”)
I really like that Rashmi made the list and still looks like the girl next door (the pretty AND smart one, that is). Yet there’s nothing run-of-the-mill about her. She holds a Ph.D. in cognitive neuropsychology from Brown, she’s running an online media company that is blowing away its competitors and consistently scoring high marks among users and tech reviewers–prompting CNN to deem slide presentations “fun” (huh?!)–she blogs, and she plays Guitar Hero (girl, let’s jam)! If these are the merits that Playboy now finds sexy in a woman, I’m going to have to start subscribing.
“For the articles,” of course.
Name: Yukiyasu Kamitani
Hails from: Japan
Occupation: Neuroscientist and Mind Reader
Known for: Leading a group of researchers at the ATR Computational Neuroscience Labs in Kyoto in developing a technology that can read minds and eventually reproduce dreams.
While we probably don’t need a computer to read our minds, which look something like this…
…we’re assuming that the rest of the world is probably not quite as one-track as we are.
CNN reported Wednesday that President-elect Obama will likely nominate Dr. Steven Chu for Secretary of Energy, despite concerns that the Nobel physicist has no political experience. Many of you sent us this story, and I imagine it’s not just because Chu is Asian-American. It’s also because the 60 year-old Cal professor reminds you of your Hardass Asian Dad–bespectacled, nerdy, great at math and science, and the most competent and capable person you know.
Congratulasians, Dr. Chu!
Obama in the Oval Office, after giving him a tour of the White House
BUSH: Pretty cool digs, eh, Obamarama?
OBAMA: The best in the world, Mr. President. I’m looking forward to settling in.
BUSH: [Surveying the room] I can’t get over the fact that it doesn’t really feel like an oval.
BUSH: And y’know, I’m not looking forward to packing up all of my crap, y’know what I mean? Eight years is a long time. I’m like, tired. I hate wrapping stuff and putting it in boxes. Laura always ends up doing that kinda stuff for me. I just tell her I’m busy or I’m on the phone with some world leader or something. And if that doesn’t work I just threaten that I’ll drink again, he he. Works every time!
OBAMA: I’m sure it’s a pretty daunting task, Mr. President. Before we move forward, I think it would be a good idea to first talk about expediting the economic stimulus package.
BUSH: Oh, Borat, you know I can’t say the words “stimulus” and “package” in the same sentence without chuckling a little. Chuckling a lot, he he… “package!” [chuckles]
OBAMA: It’s important to take action on it now, and not just wait until I take office. That’s still two months away. And you’re the President right now.
BUSH: Oh, I can piss away a couple of months, no problem. Hell, Orama, if I had been running in this election I bet they’d still be counting ballots in January.
OBAMA: I’m not sure that’s the best way to look at it, Mr. President.
BUSH: Call me Georgie. I’ll call you Barry. Or… Osama! [chuckles]
OBAMA: I’d rather not.
BUSH: You’d rather what?
OBAMA: Mr. President, let’s talk about housing. Americans are losing their homes.
BUSH: I know, O Ban! I am one of those Americans! You’re comin’ in here and takin’ over the place with some weird hyper-anesthesia dog!
OBAMA: Mr. President, if I could just get you to focus…
BUSH: Have you wondered where exactly a squid’s face is? Those crazy-ass things don’t make a lick o’ sense to me. Kinda like Koreans.
OBAMA: No, Mr. President, I haven’t wondered much about that.
BUSH: Do you listen to Foreigner at all?
OBAMA: I have a very diverse playlist.
BUSH: Cool man, cool. So what’s it like being a Muslim?
OBAMA: [Sighs] Somebody, anybody, please just take the picture.
I sure as hell know what a smart cowgirl looks like: Jen.
This beer-peddling, middle aged, Bret-Michels-ish he/she, however:
But hey, maybe Jessica Simpson “drinks” smart…
Filed under: Beer Peddling, Jessica Simpson, Jessica Simpson Beer Ad, Jessica Simpson for Stampede Light Plus, Not Smart People, Really Smart People, Save a Cowgirl, Sloppy Drunks, Smart Cowgirls, Stampede Beer
Hails from: South Korea
Occupation: Engineer and Astronaut
Why She’s a Babe: Because at the tender age of 29, Yi had the right stuff to be named South Korea’s first person in space (launch is scheduled for April). And it’s hard to look cute in a spacesuit.
Somewhere out there, somebody’s slightly disappointed father is saying, “Darnnit, that could have been Jen.”