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Daniel Henney Goes Outback Doesn’t Look Like Any Reality Show We’ve Ever Seen [PHOTOS]

April 8th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Diana

In the years since leaving my old development job at a reality television company by saying, “This genre just insults my brain and I can’t do it anymore,” I’ve become a bit of a reality junkie. Funny.

I still don’t watch Survivor or Amazing Race or anything like that, but I never miss an episode of Celebrity Rehab/Sex Rehab/Sober House/Celebrity Addiction Show Rehab* with Dr. Drew. I cry during reruns of Say Yes To The Dress. I actually threw something at the TV in protest of the injustice displayed in the latest Tool Academy graduation ceremony.  I flipped my lid when I met Tim Gunn. I entered a contest to appear on Man Vs. Wild. I’ve watched every Kitchen Nightmares episode–both the awesome British and wacked-out American versions–three times over.

Total junkie!!!

Most reality show talent (not Tim Gunn, for crying out loud, but the sub-average Joes and Janes willing to sacrifice dignity and privacy for a toxic 15 minutes of fame) are hard to look at. It’s trainwrecks doing tequila shots with even ickier trainwrecks, or former teen idols past their prime, or narcissistic celebrities trying to revamp their image–y’know, the intolerable rep cultivated on another reality show.

So when I read on Figgy and Fatty that Daniel Henney was starring in his own reality show for Korean TV, I gasped a worried gasp.  Had he sold himself short? Is the beautiful and nummy Daniel Henney a trainwreck??

Continue reading Daniel Henney Goes Outback Doesn’t Look Like Any Reality Show We’ve Ever Seen [PHOTOS]

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Jamie Chung

April 8th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy birthday to Jamie Chung, who is awfully cute, normal, pretty, zZzzzZzZ, and tan!

We hope you have a great year, Jamie, doing cute things with cool sorority girlfriends and having lots of fun! You’re so… um… pretty!

[Wikipedia: Jamie Chung]

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Jersey Shore Goes To KTown

April 6th, 2010 | 16 comments | Posted by Jen

A casting call has gone out on Craigslist: LA looking for “interesting, attractive, colorful Asian-Americans” to star in a reality show in the style of Jersey Shore and The Real World. Tyrese is allegedly producing.

The notice sez:

We need attractive Asian-Americans with lively, strong, and unique personalities between the ages of 18 to 30 with equally interesting life stories and perspectives to share, especially individuals who know about and/or experienced the Koreatown life.

Personally I think this idea’s genius, and I’d like Diana to audition for the show–I’m too old, which, for once, I think, is a good thing–mostly so she could fuck some bitches up, because that’s what they do on reality TV, right? That and get arrested? Plus, she has access to a Bumpit–her sister’s–plus, she loves the Koreatown life, particularly the Koreatown restaurants. (I actually had to look up what a Bumpit was, which, also, I think, is a good thing?)

The show is even looking for non-Asians to round out the cast.

If you are not Asian but are obsessed with Asian culture or people in some way, email us and please explain.

Yes, yes, and while you’re at it–you who are obsessed with Asian culture or people in some way (um, I think you know what they’re talkin about)–why don’t you email us and explain, too, you horny freak you.

[Craigslist: Casting Asian Americans for reality show (Los Angeles/Hollywood)]

Thanks, Jasmine!

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Kate Gosselin

April 1st, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy birthday to Kate Gosselin, who turned 35 (yes, only) on Sunday!

Single and, um, loving it...



Here’s hoping that this year she’ll be able to spend more quality off-camera time with her brood of Amazian munchkins.


Kate + 6

[Us: Kate Gosselin Spends 35th Birthday Away From Her Kids]

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Pretty Girrrls Make Boxes

March 9th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

During last night’s episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Ru announced one of my favorite challenges evvvaaarrr: each queen making their box pretty!

Nobody likes a boring box!

It was a PRETTY BOX exxxtravaganza, where Ru kept asking about the BOXES and cooing over the BOXES and delighting over scented BOXES and talking about how important a queen’s BOX is! After all, what’s more important than a drag queen’s box, you tell me? Nothin’!

GENIUS.

During the challenge, I was not surprised to see “Tyra” gettin’ bitchy with all of the other ladies, and complaining that everyone was copying her (she does so every time).

See the quickfire challenge at 3:45 of the video below:

Continue reading Pretty Girrrls Make Boxes

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Conveyor Belt Of Love May Be The Greatest Awful Show Of All Time

January 7th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Diana

Network television’s worst inside joke-turned-joke-turned-running joke-turned-joke pitch-turned pitch treatment-turned-idea going up the chain-turned-pilot order-turned-IDIOTIC DRIVEL THAT SOMEHOW SAW NETWORK AIRTIME ON ABC AND RESULTED IN A SERIES ORDER aired this week, and I missed it. Oh, darn.

Here’s the concept: Five single ladies choose from thirty single guys in a conveyor belt white elephant party. That is all you need to know.

Fortunately for me, my reality crap aficionado pals at Homo Shame alerted me as soon as they read about it, and I found the entire episode on Hulu.

That’s right, I watched it. And so can you:

Keep your eyes on Keiko during this episode. She’s bratty, opinionated, languid, not terribly bright and too pretty for her own good–also the first to proclaim disinterest in the “Filipino Criss Angel” on the belt, which may make you mad until you realize he sucks.

Keiko is a player-lover who chooses a hard body over intellect, disses the hot engineer with the 5 o’clock shadow in favor of an oily Speedo-wearer with a chihuahua, loves screwing, and in general gives this show the credit and seriousness it deserves–next to none. All in all, she’s the best part of the show (“Show” being an incredibly generous term, by the way).

Continue reading Conveyor Belt Of Love May Be The Greatest Awful Show Of All Time

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White House Party Crash Test Dummies

December 9th, 2009 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

News today: For crashing the White House state dinner, the oh-so-tawdry hobknobbers Tareq and Michaele Salahi have, as expected, been served with subpoenas–a decision made today by a congressional panel. The couple will face questioning on January 20 by the House of Representatives Homeland Security Committee.

Ruh Roh! Subpoena-oh!

Ruh Roh! Subpoena-oh!

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Mom Is Scary For Terry On Tool Academy 2

November 3rd, 2009 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

I apologize, guys. I’m still watching Tool Academy 2 because the Reality TV Gods ignored my prayer, and that gross bastard Terry wasn’t cut when I asked. In fact, he somehow made the top 3.

But look, I don’t always need to get what I want. Who cares about elminasian when Asian parents might get involved? Just knowing that Terry would ultimately have to confront his cheating demons in front of Kate–Nicole’s awesome, loving-and-cool-yet-obviously-not-without-a-Hardass-laser-beam-glare mom–was enough to make me squeal like a pig with glee this VH1 week.

Watch Terry’s moment of truth (seated in therapy: Terry’s parents on his right, and Nicole’s baby bro and mom on her left) below:







It’s kind of the worst possible thing to imagine, right?  Reality camera crews and the eventual eyes of the nation might seem kind of non-judgmental when you’re knee deep in filming, I’m sure. But–whether cameras are on or off–nothing’s more shameful than saying that you can’t tame your dick in front of PARENTS. Especially parents that think you’re a JERK.

So you’d think in a moment so mortifying, Terry could have mustered a more realistic “I’m sorry,” right? Me too. But…nah.


[VH1: Family Weekend At Tool Academy]

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Caption This: Jon Gosselin’s Halloween Costume

November 2nd, 2009 | 8 comments | Posted by Jen

jon gosselin halloween

[via BuzzFeed]

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Caption This: Cheryl Burke And Tom DeLay On Dancing With The Stars

October 27th, 2009 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

cheryl burke and tom delay

[photo via HuffPo]

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Jessica Simpson On Being A Has-Bindi

October 27th, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana
Simpson Searches For Beauty

Simpson Searches For Beauty

“Ken, I am like, fully having soooo much fun in India! I’m so glad that I decided to wear my Indian vest and jean shorts to tonight’s gala. Remember when we bought this vest in New Mexico? I actually am kinda loving it right now.

Anyway, how much are you feeling this country? Everyone keeps saying sorry, sorry, sorry all the time. Who was it that was telling me that I should wear sorries for special parties? I didn’t know how to look sorry, so I just wore this old vest!

OMG, we have taken sooooo many awesome (three) pictures of all of the beautiful sights ( including ourselves at totally nondescript locations like the airport) here in this strange country!! Right?? I really kinda dig the hand b-b-bling, right?  Look at this! It’s like somebody… drew all over my hand!  I feel like they should, like, totally do this in America, cuz it looks so good on you no matter what size you are. Just like shoes and sweatpants. But I’m not sure about this bindi thing. I think it makes me look cross-eyed. Every time I look at it in the mirror I look cross-eyed.

Continue reading Jessica Simpson On Being A Has-Bindi

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The Balloon Boy Saga: A Lesson In Bad Acting

October 19th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Well, we said Balloon Boy’s father, Richard Heene, was a bad actor, but little did we know that he actually went to school for that shit. During a press conference Sunday, when Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden officially declared the Balloon Boy incident a hoax, Alderden also mentioned that Richard and his wife Mayumi met at a Hollywood acting school. (Various sources confirm it was the Lee Strasberg Theatre and Film Institute in West Hollywood.)


With the Heenes now potentially facing felony criminal charges, the lesson here: BAD ACTING IS A CRIME after all.

But it still might pay. Because if, in fact, Richard and Mayumi “did this for the show,” to sell their family dysfunction as reality TV as people are saying–they already approached TLC a few months ago, but the Jon & Kate network passed–the Heenes may have a leg up on the competition, because everyone knows that bad acting is also the backbone of reality TV.

Just ask these clowns:


[CNN: Authorities: 'Balloon boy' incident was a hoax]

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