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DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! UCLA’s Randall Carroll
In honor of our site redesign, we present a new, semi-regular feature on dumbassery we’re calling “DISGWITTER of the Weak.” Disgwitter, as in the stupid Tweets people who should know better end up posting anyway. Our first victim perpetrator? UCLA freshman football player, Randall Carroll.
Over the weekend, wide receiver Carroll got busted for bitching on Twitter about his offensive coordinator, Coach Norm Chow, to a top high school recruit. It was reported by the LA Times that Carroll, who was heavily recruited himself, used a “racial epithet” to describe Chow. The Times reposted this edited version of Carroll’s Tweet (after his account was quickly deleted):
“man oregon, stanford and cal should have been easy wins ,, but [expletive] thys [racial slur] norm chow dnt be trustin us ,, so it is what it is.”
We kinda naturally assumed that the slur Carroll, who is black, directed at Chow, who is of Chinese descent, was “chink.”
Well, not exactly.
Continue reading DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! UCLA’s Randall Carroll
Filed under: African-Americans, Chinese-Americans, College Football, DISGWITTER, Media Hype, Norm Chow, Overblown Stories, Racial Epithets, Racial Slurs, Randall Carroll, Tweets, Twitter, UCLA Football
Set Your YouTube: MegaBot
I was too old to enjoy the Power Rangers when they skyrocketed in popularity during the late 90s, but I still always felt that the franchise was innately wrong. Zentai bodysuits and cardboard weaponry? “Sets” that appeared to be unreleased, unlit shots alongside the Haggin’s Market parking lot? Bored, nearing-thirty actors going through their power motions on camera, collecting paychecks for an infinite series of depleting, invalidating days on the set?? ZZzZzZzZzzzzZZzZzzz. It all just made me sad.
A couple of geniuses we know just released the trailer for the short-form series, MegaBot (see below), a fictional comedy that follows Rangers-esque characters, all grown up, hard up for cash and thus reunited–kinda like the documentary loudQUIETloud, which chronicles the Pixies’ financially-driven reunion, except delightfully bright and hilarious, and in wonderful excess of plucky racial slurs!
We’re Asian, so duh, we love YouTube. Add a character played by the crush-worthy Randall Park (adorned in yellow, natch, to match his Black co-star in black) to the screen, and we’re basically sold for life.
Source
Thanks, Micah! Hi, Nathan!
Filed under: Bad Acting, Bright Colors, Crushes, Hilarious Stuff, MegaBot, Power Rangers, Racial Slurs, Randall Park, Sad, Type Casting, YouTube, Zentai Bodysuits
They Must Call It Big Brother Because You Want to Steal Its Dirty Mags and Then Punch It in the Spleen
Shooting Stars: The effervescent cast of ‘Big Brother 11′ I worked in reality television for four sordid years and never watched an episode of Big Brother (Dear God, I hope my former jefe isn’t reading this!). Instead, I studied the format on paper, religiously researched cast members and memorable conflicts, allowed myself to be fascinated by the number of cameras apparently mounted around the house, met frequently with the show’s multitude of producers, and believed–without ever seeing an act–that I understood Big Brother‘s point. The ultimate fish bowl, everyone called it. Pure genius, they described. A landmark achievement, one exec mused.
Lie.
LIE.
LIE!
What a Crock Pot of shit all of that was. Seriously.
I finally saw my first episode of Big Brother last Sunday (Mind you, we’re now amidst an ungodly Season 11) during periodic glances away from a lively game of Blackberry Sudoku. I can’t exactly tell you what was going on, but I did understand that the group had been divided into “cliques”–Oh, you know, like “Brains” and “Athletes”… and, ehrm, “Offbeat” cliques. (Gosh, I feel embarrassed just typing those words on the page.)
Problem is, based on pure instinct, I instantly found myself rooting against every single person in the house. The offbeat freaks were all poseurs, the brainy nerds awkweird and creepy. And the jocks, as always, spent so much time kissing their dumb muscles that I began to simply hate life.
But I didn’t just hate them for their cliquey leanings. Flaky blonde chicks that have never had a real conversation with a dork sporting a crappy adult faux-hawk are people, too, and I get that. But honestly, I racked my brain for minutes–MINUTES!–and could not determine a reason for a self-respecting human to immerse themselves in the sick, sad, exhibitionist world of Brother, for days on end with a house full of fairly unattractive and dull nobodys.
Okay, one reason. How great would it be to eventually see oneself on the small screen, juxtaposed with brassy, sassy host Julie Chen in one of these saucy numbers?
Yowza!
But that can’t be enough of a reason, can it? Back to the real issue! WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE THESE CAST MEMBERS?
[Uncomfortable silence]
Sigh. Apparently, people actually watch this dung heap. Check it out: moving right along, the douchebags in the house ultimately stirred up lots of trouble (and buzz!) after three of the castmates got into an awesomely lame argument that took a dark turn when Braden–a semi-ugly white dude with with decent abs and chicken legs–vented his frustration with Kevin–a blasian–by repeatedly calling him a “beaner” (1:16 of the video below)
Braden’s follow-up jab to the beaner tirade and resulting yellfest? “Hey, go back to Burbank.” (1:46)
[Stunned pause while blogger chokes herself]
Hunh. I guess that kind of people.
[via Reality Blurred]
Source
Thanks, jRu!
Filed under: Awful Human Beings, Big Brother, Braden Drops the "Beaner" Bomb, Braden Kevin Fight, Cliques, Cultural Lows, Frocks, Julie Chen, Racial Slurs, Reality TV, Time I will Never Get Back, Worthless People
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Marcus Epstein
Marcus Epstein should know by now: Shame never dies.
After all: shame, disappointment in self, feelings of failure and a deep sense of self-loathing (shocker of the century: Epstein is half-Jewish, half-Korean) are apparently what drove the former Tom Tancredo speechwriter into a deep depression during 2007, according to Team America head Bay Buchanan. As Buchanan explains, the depression eventually led him to the drink, and it is in a deep state of inebriasian that the following occurred:
“On July 7, 2007, at approximately 7:15 p.m. at Jefferson and M Street, Northwest, in Washington, D.C., defendant [Marcus Epstein] was walking down the street making offensive remarks when he encountered the complainant, Ms. [REDACTED], who is African-American. The defendant uttered, ‘Nigger,’ as he delivered a karate chop to Ms. [REDACTED]’s head.”
Ah, hate crimes–it’s always the alcohol and aversions to failure, isn’t it?
Though he pled guilty in early 2008, Epstein will not receive sentencing until July 8 of this year. He likely thought this episode was almost entirely behind him–but the story surfaced when that longtime boss of his started flapping his jaws about how Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor “appears to be a racist.” Um, those hanging out with their Jewsian pals in glass houses…
Talk about failures–we can’t think of an easier bid for being a big, fucking failure than being a violent, racist, conservatard inmate. Ick. We just really wish Epstein would disappear, because he’s giving Jews and Asians alike a bad name.
(Then again, he seems to be doing the same for Tancredo, so maybe it’s all a push, eh?)
[via The Washington Independent]
Source
Thanks, Irwin!
Filed under: A Fucking Karate Chop?, Bay Buchanan, Conservatards, Failure, Fuckers, Hate Crimes, Jewsians, Marcus Epstein, Racial Slurs, Racists, Shame Spirals, Sonia Sotomayor, This is Bullshit, Tom Tancredo
Good Timing
The NYT editors must have read our letter!
Before: kitschy “Chinaman” chic
After: Just the kitsch without all of that crazy racial slur baggage
Now if only Michelle Malkin will start taking advice from our letters and off herself. Then we’ll be in great shape.
Filed under: Corrections, Kitsch, Letters of Concern, Michelle Malkin, Racial Slurs, Squinty Chinamen, Suicide, The New York Times
Sign of the Times
Dear NYT:
Not good use word C-H-I-N-A-M-A-N to describe decoration. Word “Chinaman” is U-N-N-A-C-C-E-P-T-A-B-L-E and O-F-F-E-N-S-I-V-E to A-S-I-A-N P-E-O-P-L-E.
Sincerey,
A Gook and a Chinaman
Source
Thanks, Alice!
Filed under: Bad Phrasing, Interior Design, Racial Slurs, Squinty Chinamen, The New York Times, Whooppsie, Words that Should Die
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Elisabeth Hasselbeck (Needs A Punt to the Hasselcrack)
Elisabeth Hasselbeck,
As much as your existence drains and sickens me, I often don’t have time to deal with you. What on earth would I do that for? I don’t like The View. I don’t like your face. I don’t enjoy wasting my Thanksgiving, totally bored, watching your brother-in-law’s loser football team choke like boring chickens under the Cowboys. Ultimately, talking to the poster child for starry-eyed, jingoist Conservatives is one pointless thing, dealing with your brand of pouty, petulant, nasal-voiced, ill-informed, ignorant mommies quite another–but both? At the same time? Hell no. Please do not sign me up for that futile afternoon activity.
So, not to put too much effort into thinking about you today, but it occurs to me after watching you slur your way through an insult of Deepak Chopra this week (video above)–flippantly telling him to “go light a bowl of insense”–that I actually do have something to say to you, after all.
GO FUCK YOURSELF. HARD. IN THE ANUS.
That is all.
Filed under: Anus, Conservatards, Crazy Bitches, Deepak Chopra, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Incense, Mommies, Morons, Obnoxious Women, Racial Slurs, Really Stupid People, Republicans, Shut Up, The View
Don’t Need No Nader-ation
Oh, Ralph Nader. It has to be said–when it takes a Fox News anchor to call you out on a racial slur, you’ve really hit rock bottom.
Time, we think, to call it.
Filed under: Bad ideas, Fox News, Give Me a Freakin' Break, News Anchors, Racial Slurs, Ralph Nader Is a Douche, Shepard Smith, Uh...WHAT?, Uncle Sam, Uncle Tom, We Cry "Uncle"
Asian-Americans May Nip The Vote
Via Hyphen today, we stumbled upon an encouraging analysis of recent studies compiled by Rutgers, Cal, USC, and UCR: Asian voters could tip the scales towards Obama in many battleground states.
Perhaps you said what I said: WOOHOO! WE RULE! WE’LL WIN THIS THING! I’M SO PSYCHED ABOUT MY FELLOW YELLOWS!
…’Cuz if that’s what happens on November 4, we really will rule and I deserve to be super psyched.
Of course, as we continued to peruse through the rest of the facts about voters that have decided on their candidate, one glaring fact did emerge and pop our celebratory bubble:
Uh–what? Gotta ask all ma peeps now: WHY? Is it because yer all like, “He totally fought those fucking Cong Commies!” or “We ran away from big government, muthafucka, we ain’t goin’ down like that again!” or “I like that Palin lady–she’s spunky!” or “He only said he’ll ‘hate the gooks’ for as long as he’s alive, and that couldn’t possibly be very much longer?”
Um, well, at least I’m super psyched about a third of my fellow American gooks.
Source Source Source Source
Thanks, Jasmine!
Filed under: Barack Obama, Big Government, Communism Sucks, Gooks, Haterasian, John McCain, Racial Slurs, Sarah Palin Is An Idiotic Cunt, Vietnam-America We Have A Problem, Vote, What the Pho?
Don’t Call Me Nipper, Winey
I stopped being interested in Amy Winehouse’s famous crackhead antics a long time ago, longer than her bad eyeliner, longer than her nappy hair, longer than Regis Philbin’s seemingly endless career. I find her self-destructive narco-mania, her repulsive crackne, and well-documented downward tornado to be a caustic spectacle–and just totally depressing. I still can’t figure out why nobody has dragged her into rehab or some cozy place with straitjackets, but maybe her manager just tells himself, “Well in the song she just says ‘No, no, no,’ so I suppose there really is no point,” while going to the bank to cash the last of his 10% checks.
I don’t really want to talk about her while she’s in this state. She’s a sick and crazy person, and should deal with the sickness and craziness privately.
In not-so-private matters, News of the World just leaked a video shot by her lovely husband Blake some time ago, in which she and a friend chime in on a little sing-song loaded with racial slurs:
If you can’t bear to look at her emaciated figure for so long, I’ll just grab the best frame for you:
Oh, what a treasure!
Listen, I’m the last person to waste breath or typing energy trying to hold an addict accountable for any of her litany of offenses against humankind.
But I just want Amy to leave us all–y’know, all of us Blacks, Pakis, gooks, nips–the fuck out of her sick, sad world. Maybe if she doesn’t sing about us, we’ll all just wisely stop listening to her.
Filed under: Amy Winehouse, Crack Cocaine, Crazyfaces, Downward Tornados, Helluva Drug, Messes, Racial Slurs, Somebody Fix This, Spectacles
Desperasian
The producers of Desperate Housewives and ABC recently issued a formal apology for a racial slur that referred to the ineptitude of medical schools in the Philippines. As soon as the scene aired, it caused an immediate uproar in the Filipino community (If you haven’t already, see the clip above).
Naturally, we figured our Filipino brethren would be united in a stance like that of our own–we’re fired up, so fuck all y’all, ain’t nothin’ gonna breaka our stride, nobody’s gonna slow us down–so we were a little brokenhearted to see how some of our brothers and sisters responded to the clip on YouTube. Is it just us, or were some our friends blaming themselves?:
Listen, guys… when someone degrades us, we aren’t responsible for providing them the opportunity. Should we just be glad to be thought of and mentioned, even if they’re getting a laugh at our expense?
Hell no.
Let’s not just bend over and take it!
Filed under: Bending Over, Desperate Housewives, Racial Slurs, Ruffling Feathers, the Philippines, We Should Not Be Grateful
N*p Slips Are Tired
We, like everybody else, are fascinated by the increasing occurrence of mishaps in which actresses and their celebutard counterparts–who are otherwise as tucked, painted, and decorated as wedding cakes–allow the tip of their teats to be revealed from the tops of their dresses when photographed at public events.
Observe:
Tara Reid: Otherwise perfectThe popular term for this is of course “the Nip Slip,” but it occurred to us over the weekend that by using it we overlook one glaring faux pas–the racial slur at its forepart.
So what to do? Besides that whole use-of-a-time-tested-hateful-slur-that-offends-Japanese-people thing, the overall phrase really works: it’s catchy, it rhymes, it rolls off the tongue.
And so, we present to you a NEW, IMPROVED version of this dubious saying… and encourage you all to implement it immediately into your everyday vernacular.
May I introduce…
…Try it in a sentence today!
Bai Ling: Finally, not offensive
Filed under: Bai Ling, Boobies, Language, Nipple Slipples, Racial Slurs, Tara Reid, The Power of Words, Updating the Disgrasian Dictionary (It's On the RIght), We Love Our Japanese Friends
