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The first time I was flashed by someone’s unsolicited penis, I was 12. My female cousin and I were sitting at an outdoor table on the patio of a little French-Vietnamese cafe, eating cake, giggling, likely talking about floral skirts or boys. In the middle of a sentence, I noticed a man about five yards away, standing at his bicycle. “Yuck,” I said to my cousin. “That old guy’s staring at us.”
“What guy?” she asked.
“Uh, the weird old guy over there standing at his bike,” I muttered under my breath. “Don’t look, don’t look, he’ll see–”
She turned unsubtly to look. I took another glance then, too, what the hell.
Undisturbed, the bike man kept staring at us. I immediately retreated from the eye contact and dropped my gaze… down… to… his limp penis, which was hanging out of the open zipper in his pants, the tip resting weirdly on the top tube of the bike frame.
Dirty, I thought, referring to both the tip-touched bike frame and the perv.
I was nervous and wanted to escape. She, thankfully, hadn’t taken in the whole picture yet. I spoke through my teeth, code-speaking a plan to get back inside to the safety of the cafe and its brightly-lit bakery case, and she followed me despite her confusion. We hid inside as he tucked his worm back in and pedaled away, then ran back to where we’d left our parents.
In the decades since, I’ve probably glimpsed about ten more strangers’ penises that I never wanted to see. Some silently shown, some being wanked, some flaccid, some less so, all hideous–because frankly, there’s nothing more hideous than an unsolicited penis.
Which is why I wish I had the nards to create a fake membership and start digging around on Dickflash.com, a forum for people that love to, uh, flash their dicks to strangers (and a couple of hanger-on basic exhibitionists), which Jezebel’s Irin Carmon kindly infiltrated and investigated earlier this week. Continue reading Dickflashers United
Politico’s Ben Smith reports NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is looking into claims that two Apple stores in New York refused to sell the iPad to customers of Chinese descent because of smuggling fears. Because the iPad, though produced in China, is unavailable there. (Chinese gadget-freaks will have to settle for the knockoff iPed, for now.) Cuomo’s office was alerted after NY Assemblywoman Grace Meng (D-Flushing) publicly complained last month that several of her Chinese American constituents were asked to show their passports or asked inappropriate questions while shopping for iPads.
Which means…APPLE IS THE NEW ARIZONA???
Not cool, Apple. Not. Cool.
You know there’s something seriously fucked going on in Arizona when people who dribble a ball for a living demonstrate a better understanding of the law there than the people who came up with the law in the first place.
As you may know, the Phoenix Suns wore their “Los Suns” jerseys Wednesday during Game 2 of their playoff series against the San Antonio Spurs–who also tried to wear “Los Spurs” jerseys but could not get them in time–to not only celebrate Cinco de Mayo, but to protest Arizona’s anti-immigration law SB 1070 and show solidarity for Latinos in their community. Before the game, Suns point guard Steve Nash, who is Canadian, spoke out against the law on ESPN’s Pardon the Interruption:
I’m against it. I think this is a bill that really damages our civil liberties, I think it opens up potential for racial profiling and racism. I think that it’s a bad precedent to set for young people. I think it represents our state poorly in the eyes of the nation and the world.
BANG. That’s like a classic late-in-the-game Steve Nash shot from behind the arc that Continue reading SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Viva Los Suns
Filed under: Alabama, Anti-Immigration, Anti-Immigration Law, Arizona Immigration Bill SB 1070, Arizona Immigration Law, Arizona SB 1070, Basketball, Canadians Are Nice, Charles Barkley, Cinco de Mayo, Governor Jan Brewer, Grant Hill, Immigrant Haters, Latinos, Los Suns, NBA, Phoenix Suns, Racial Profiling, Racism, Racist Laws, SB 1070, Steve Nash
A Chinese-born, naturalized American engineer, Chi Mak, has been accused of stealing secrets from his defense-contractor employer and selling them to China.
The AP reported that the U.S. government alleges “Mak took documents from Power Paragon, copied them to computer disks and encrypted them…before trying to pass them to a Chinese contact known as ‘Mr. Pu.’”
I’m getting a distinct WHIFF of Wen Ho Lee and Guantanamo Captain James Yee from this. Hope this case doesn’t turn into total DOO-DOO like those other two. We wouldn’t want to wear SHIT on our heads YET AGAIN, now would we?