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BRITNEY: Y’all, I can’t believe that opening night of this tour has gone on without an itch! I’m so excited, ladies, I wanna poop my pants!
DANCER (LEFT): Brit, I think what you mean is “off without a hitch.”
DANCER (RIGHT): Yeah, it’s definitely “hitch.”
BRITNEY: Wait, y’all sure? My mama always said without an “itch,” and that makes sense to me ’cause I would never want to get all itchy durin’ a show! Y’know?
DANCER (LEFT): Oh yeah! That makes sense. Maybe we’re wrong.
DANCER (RIGHT): Yeah, maybe we’re wrong. We’ll Wikipedia it later.
DANCER (RIGHT): Yeeeeeeeeup.
DANCER (LEFT): [cautiously] Girrrl!
BRITNEY: No, like the WHOLE THING.
DANCER (RIGHT): Hunh. I would’ve figured something more along the lines of fifteen minutes.
BRITNEY: Mmm. Well he works REALLY fast.
Filed under: Britney Spears, Britney Spears Comeback, Britney Spears Femme Fatale Tour, Britney Spears Scary, Gwen Stefani, Harajuku Girls, Japan, L.A.M.E., Racial Drag, Racial Drag That's Boring, Tsunami, Unflattering Footwear, World's Ugliest Kimono Minis, Zaldy Goco
Afternoon chat at DISGRASIAN HQ:
JEN: Hi Diana!
DIANA: Hey Jen!
JEN: How are you? Cute dress.
DIANA: Thank you. Lovely shoes. Are they A.P.C.?
JEN: No, Loeffler Randall. I love a nude flat.
DIANA: Who doesn’t?
[They relax with their laptops, reading the Times and various blogs]
DIANA (cont’d): Ugh, Gwen Stefani.
JEN: Dude, I’m almost fucking over talking about Gwen Stefani. She bores the bejeezus out of me.
DIANA: Yeah–It’s like she sucks, she’s derivative, she’s annoying… but I wouldn’t even waste the energy hating her if she wasn’t still enslaving those poor Harajuku Girls.
JEN: She won’t listen. She’s up inside her own asshole. She’s so deeply entrenched in her filthy brand of exploitasian. She looks like a man.
DIANA: She bores me. And I’m from Orange County.
JEN: I wouldn’t say that too loud.
DIANA: I represent!
[They continue to work quietly on their laptops.]
JEN: Oh lawd.
JEN: I just clicked on this HP ad.
DIANA: You clicked on a computer company link?
JEN: You won’t believe this site. It’s ill.
DIANA: What is it?
JEN: It’s this awful, cheesy promotional thing called “Gwen Stefani For You” where you make a bunch of idiotic Gwen-themed crap and print it out on your HP printer.
[Jen's eyes narrow as she gazes at...]
[Diana leans over and clicks on the first link...]
[She clicks back and moves on to...]
JEN: Who buys into this shit?
DIANA: Bajillions of people.
JEN: [Sighs loudly]
DIANA: Still bored?
JEN: Yeah, still bored.
[They continue to work on their laptops.]
The Killers “Read My Mind” video is here for your perusal. It was shot in Tokyo and for a brief moment, the band is dressed as Japanese women. Sound exciting? Good, cuz I’m…ZZZzzzZZZZzzZZZZZzzzz.
“Can you read my mind”?
More like, “what a waste of time”–a lyric from Clap Your Hands Say Yeah’s “In This Home On Ice” off their eponymous album that is worth listening to.
Click here to exorcise your ears from medirockrity.