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The Huntington Beach City Council in Huntington Beach, CA votes tonight on a proposal to publish the mug shots of repeat DUI offenders on the city’s Facebook page.
HB–a 200k-person town with a high douchebag content–is a town I know very well from my years growing up in Orange County. With a downtown area packed with bumpin’ bars, the city apparently ranks number 1 of 56 similar-sized SoCal cities for the highest number of alcohol-related traffic fatalities–in 2009, 195 people were killed or injured and there were 1,687 DUI arrests.
Now, let me pause for a second and say that I write this post during a visit to my “second home” of a small town in Oregon, and just discovered that a well-known local idiot with priors hit and killed a 26-year-old woman who was walking her bike home from work last week in Portland. He was stupidly driving two friends home, shitty drunk and speeding. After spending much of today reading online reports about his charges and the fallout of her death–the bikers’ blog posts, the grieving statements from her family and friends, the public vigil–I am filled with a deep sense of sadness, anger and frustration. I hate the story. I hate that the former slaps on the wrists and multiple friend interventions never hampered his alcohol intake and poor choices. I hate that an innocent person is dead, gone forever from everyone who loves her, because some dude was having a rad, ragin’ night.
So I am in a particular state of mind while considering whether or not the Huntington Beach proposal is a good idea.
Is public shaming ever effective? According to AP reports, which cite multiple short-lived attempts to maintain similar Facebook-photo-shaming campaigns in other cities, the jury is still out. Opposition of this proposal is high–for a variety of reasons–even though it is legal for police to publish arrest photos. But I can’t help but wonder if the potential for web humiliation, however unsavory it may seem, could motivate friends and family members to press harder on someone who’s showing a habit of driving under the Continue reading Look Into The Eyes Of A DUI
Filed under: Alcohol, Alcohol-Related Traffic Fatalities, Bicycles, Drunk Driving, Drunks, DUI, Good Idea Bad Idea, Huntingon Beach City Council, Huntington Beach, Poor Choices, Public Humiliation, Public Shaming, Sadness, Stupidity, Vehicular Homicide
After much public outcry, the Chinese government wants to put an end to its longstanding tradition of publicly shaming criminal suspects. Which basically means the Chinese are becoming less Chinese. Because Chinese people love them some public shaming. (I mean, Me = Chinese, DISGRASIAN = A Public Shaming Site, hello?)
The NY Times reports that the demand for the end to public shaming arose out of sympathy for prostitution suspects:
The new regulations are thought to be a response to the public outcry over a recent spate of “shame parades,” in which those suspected of being prostitutes are shackled and forced to walk in public.
Last October, the police in Henan Province took to the Internet, posting photographs of women suspected of being prostitutes. Other cities have been publishing the names and addresses of convicted sex workers and those of their clients. The most widely circulated images, taken this month in the southern city of Dongguan, included young women roped together and paraded barefoot through crowded city streets.
The police later said they were not punishing the women, only seeking their help in the pursuit of an investigation.
The public response, at least on the Internet, has tended toward outrage, with many postings expressing sympathy for the women. “Why aren’t corrupt officials dragged through the streets?” read one posting. “These women are only trying to feed themselves.”
This expressed sympathy for prostitutes is consistent with an online survey conducted last year in China which found that people considered prostitutes more trustworthy than government officials, putting them third in trustworthiness behind farmers and religious workers(!). That prostitution and the Chinese government could be construed as binary Continue reading China To End Public Shaming
Filed under: China, China To End Public Shaming, Chinese Democracy, Communist China, Human Rights, Prostitutes in China, Prostitutes More Trustworthy than Politicians in China, Prostitution in China, Public Shaming, Shame, Shame Parades, Walk of Shame
Guys, I think I just read the most humiliating sublebrity story I’ve ever read. Like, ever.
It involves a certain celebrity mom (ahem, see right) abusing her two cash cows’ daughters’ Carvel Black Cards to the point of a major incident (I’m talking, like, cops). The tore-up, deluded famewhore mother leaked her version of the story to the tabloids and played the victim–in response, Carvel cleared their name by publicly naming and shaming the whole family in an official press release.
NOT LYING: I AM LITERALLY JITTERING WITH TINGLES OF MORTIFICASIAN FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED.
Read what I wrote again, please. I’m not talking about the AMEX Black Card, I’m talking about a freebie card distributed by CARVEL–the ice cream company–to famous (Ali Lohan is famous? Eh, who am I to judge) folks, to entice those celebrities to come in person (as stated in the card’s fine print) to Carvel stores for a maximum of $25 free purchases per week, for 75 years. Pretty sweet deal for a bunch of people who’ll likely be in rehab or formerly famous in ten years!
I am so mortified by this press release that I have no choice to post it here for you in full, straight from the Carvel blog. Here goes:
Posted on June 17, 2010 by carvelicecream
ATLANTA, GA (June 17, 2010) – As part of Carvel’s 75th Anniversary celebration Continue reading The Lohan Family: Carvel-ing Out A Niche In Low-Rent History
Filed under: Ali Lohan, Annoying Things Celebrities Do, Black Card Abuse, Carvel Black Card, Carvel Black Cards Are Amazing, Carvel FTW, Carvel Ice Cream, Celebrity Mom, Dina Lohan, Dina Lohan Makes Us Hurl, Discounts, Embarrassing, Freebie, Lindsay Lohan, Low-rentitude, Pathetic, Playing The Victim, Public Humiliation, Public Shaming, Shameful Behavior, Sublebrities, The Lohan Family, The Lohans, Time To Call It
Tiger Woods apologized today, ushering in a bizarre new era where professional athletes ask forgiveness for cheating on their wives not only from their wives but from the general public.
To recap, Tiger said he:
- has a lot to atone for
- doesn’t get to play by different rules
- brought shame to his family
- wants to live a life of integrity
- will become a better person by returning to Buddhism and by seeking more treatment and therapy
If that fails, Tiger can always tape this picture of his mother Kultida from the press conference (at the 6:00 mark) to a mirror, to scare his ass straight:
Filed under: Apologies, Atonement, Elin Nordegren, Golf, Hardass Asian Mamas, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Kultida Woods, Public Apologies, Public Shaming, The PGA Tour, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods Apologizes, Tiger Woods Apology, Tiger Woods Sex Scandals
A 107 year-old woman in China who has never married announced recently that she now wants to tie the knot, ideally with a fellow centenarian. Wang Guiying told the Chongqing Commercial Times that she was frightened of getting married when she was younger, because she always saw her uncles and other men go all Ike Turner on their wives. She lived on her own and worked as a farmer until she was 74 and too weak to work in the fields, at which point she went to live with a nephew. But that arrangement has become less and less ideal.
“My nephews and nieces are getting older and their children are already tied up with their own families and I am becoming more and more of a burden,” she said.
Hmm. Sounds less hopelessly romantic than totally guilt-trippy. We wouldn’t exactly call public shaming the best man-trap, and normally we’d say a marriage with such a Hardass Asian Biddy is doomed, but something tells us that union, if it ever happens, isn’t going to last, um, that long anyway.
(I KNOW. WE’RE EVIL.)
Jon Voight, second Runner-up for Dad-of-the-Century (Michael Lohan and Papa Joe put in such competitive bids), has spoken up this week on why the Democrats are making a piss-poor candidate choice for the upcoming Presidential election, in a dense editorial printed in the Washington Times.
We, as parents, are well aware of the importance of our teachers who teach and program our children. We also know how important it is for our children to play with good-thinking children growing up.
Sen. Barack Obama has grown up with the teaching of very angry, militant white and black people: the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Louis Farrakhan, William Ayers and Rev. Michael Pfleger. We cannot say we are not affected by teachers who are militant and angry. We know too well that we become like them, and Mr. Obama will run this country in their mindset…
…there’s not a cell in my body that can accept the idea that Mr. Obama can keep us safe from the terrorists around the world, and from Iran, which is making great strides toward getting the atomic bomb. And while a misleading portrait of Mr. Obama is being perpetrated by a media controlled by the Democrats, the Obama camp has sent out people to attack the greatness of Sen. John McCain, whose suffering and courage in a Hanoi prison camp is an American legend.
My gracious. Quite a lot of Hardass Parenting words from a man who lied and cheated on his wife, has been publicly shamed by his own daughter (after “teaching and programming” both of his offspring’s ways towards drug-abusing, sibling-tonguing, skin-cutting, parent-omitting young-life crises), and who can’t remember the name of his grandchild?
Brother, please. Leave the preaching to the Reverends.
Filed under: Bad Parenting, Barack Obama, Brother Please, Dads, Fear-Mongers, Hardass Parents of All Colors, John McCain, Jon Voight is a Tool, McCarthyites, Nonsense, Public Shaming, Reverends, Wesley Clark
JESSICA: (sniffling) Oh my gaw, Ashlee, I had the worst night of my life tonight!
ASHLEE: Hold on one sec, Pete just dropped a bottle of hair product in the toilet. One sec.
(Long conversation pause; Sounds of muffled bathroom chaos)
ASHLEE: ‘Kay. Back now. That was kind of a crisis. Petey can’t survive a day without product, y’know? Is Tony like that?
JESSICA: Ash, I’M in a crisis!
ASHLEE: Oh right. Okay, what happened? Is Tony gay?
ASHLEE: Is he cheating on with you with somebody smart and talented?
JESSICA: Um, no.
ASHLEE: Oh. Did Coach Phillips finally issue that restraining order against you, so that you won’t come to games?
JESSICA: Ashlee, no! I sang tonight. I did my Country Thunder debut. Remember?
ASHLEE: Oh, right. How’d that go?
JESSICA: Ash, it was BAD! I did everything Daddy said to do. I did that whole, like, cute Daisy Duke look with the shorts and the…
JESSICA: WhatEVER, Ashlee! Daddy said, “If they can’t see your ass, you won’t see their cash.” Remember? So I did that, and like, totally wore cowboy boots. And Daddy was all, “Whenever you want to cough or breathe, say either ‘Texas’ or ‘Tony.’” So I was like, “I’m Tony Romo’s girlfriend from Texas! Remember me from all of the pictures? I’m from Texas! Tony loves my Texas girl tits!” Stuff like that.
ASHLEE: I’m sure that went over well.
JESSICA: But that’s the thing, it DIDN’T. They were booin’ at me Ashlee. People were telling all the reporters I was some kinda embarassment and that I shouldn’t be there. And that going out with Tony doesn’t make me country! What are they talking about? What’s more country than the Dallas Cowboys? Augh! They booed! I can’t believe it!
(sounds of muffled laughter)
JESSICA: ASH! Are you laughing?
ASHLEE: (muffling her laughter) No.
JESSICA: Oh. Okay, good.
ASHLEE: I, uh, that’s a bummer, Jess.
JESSICA: Daddy is always right! Why didn’t he tell me they were going to boo?
ASHLEE: Maybe he was busy making sure your bra fit right.
ASHLEE: Sorry, sorry. Well that really sucks, dude.
JESSICA: I’m so humiliated! I’m so ashamed! I can never show my face again.
ASHLEE: Oh, good.
JESSICA: ASHLEE! You’re not HELPING!
ASHLEE: I don’t have time to help. One day, maybe you’ll be married again, and you’ll see how much time it takes.
ASHLEE: Listen, Jess. I know how you feel. Remember when I performed at the Rose Bowl, and they booed at me? And everyone was talking about it, and I was so ashamed that all I wanted to do was curl up and die?
JESSICA: Oh gaw, totally. Your eyes were so puffy! You looked like shit!
ASHLEE: And remember how I kept calling you and Dad to ask for advice, and he kept telling me he was busy with your career, and you kept trying to shove some old Louis Vuitton bag in my face to make it better?
JESSICA: Um, hmm, soooorta. But wait, is that how it went?
ASHLEE: All you could talk about then was how you wanted to fuck Johnny Knoxville. Or how you already were. Or whatever.
JESSICA: I’m with Tony now! I’m just a Texas girl dating Tony Romo now! (giggles, country-like)
ASHLEE: (stunned pause)
JESSICA: Ashlee? Ashlee? Come on, I need your help.
ASHLEE: Oh, you need a lot more than my help.
I had a totally crazy dream last night, and I think I might actually have come up with a brilliant concept.
How’s this for a movie idea?
Where’s our hero… the handsome American pilot? (And who can we get to play him? Perhaps just a hack comedian as a stand-in for now.)
Okay, take out “handsome,” keep “American.” But somebody’s got their target set on the American. A JAP! A JAP in another fighter plane is trying to take our guy down! (But who can we get to play the Jap on such short notice? Let’s just use the same hack comedian.)
Oh wait. Shoot. Shoot. I think I got confused. I didn’t dream this up at all. Some jerkoff from Birmingham, Alabama (which is an actual city with an actual university, and not an all an excuse for such ignorance) shared this “movie” bit with the mediocre audience of Last Comic Standing just this week.
Needless to say, the judges were not amused, nor impressed.
They were so unimpressed, in fact, that they gave Hyche a rather hefty public shaming (stating an allergy to ethnic stereotypes and a desire to commit hara-kiri if they had to listen to an extended performance) before booting him off the show. Heck, they pretty much did our job for us!
But did they turn around and shame all of the crowd members who think yerrowface is still veddy veddy funny? GONG! They should have.
See Hyche’s performance in the full episode (click on #607) here.
Filed under: Assholes, Bad "Bits", Hack Comedians, Heath Hyche, Last Comic Standing, Mickey Rooney Would Be Proud, Public Shaming, Reality TV, This is Bullshit, TV Crowds Filled With Sheep, WTF?, Yellowface
Breakups are brutal. They are life-sucking, undignified, whirlpools of emotional defeat that are almost sickening to endure. I’ve spent the aftermath of a big split crying for two weeks in the shower, only leaving the house to feel like I was being punched every time I looked at (or slept with) another male human, picking up the guitar with only one purpose: to write sad songs, slashing my hair, blowing obscene amounts of money on new clothes, drinking obscene amounts of alcohol. You feel disgusting, you look disgusting, you might even smell disgusting. No person should go through this painful period in public. It’s not right! It’s not fair.
Worse, no girl should have to follow up an unceremonious dumping by reading the play-by-play in the news. Breakups are not news. Breakups are bullshit.
So let’s agree to go easy on poor, newly-single Sarah Larson. Let’s be on her team. This is the kind of public shame that no one should have to go through alone.
I have two older male cousins that grew up in the suburbs–okay, back woods–of Indiana during the early eighties. Their mom was like a military sergeant–she filled their days with a very specific and lengthy hygiene regimen, hours of rote memorization, and what felt like immersion music lessons. There were no birthday parties or after-school hangouts with friends (who needs friends?) or riding bikes on Tuesdays, Thursdays, or Saturdays. When eating, they couldn’t have a sip of Pepsi without finishing an entire 1-gallon bowl of soup, even if it took hours–but you better believe the sweltering drink was taunting them from about six inches away the entire time. Sound fun? You betcha.
The worst was when either of the boys did something bad, which was rare. They’d be punished with such severity that few of us rarely even confirmed the details. Groundings could last months (years?), and public shaming was common. When one of my cousins spent half of a day holding a heavy ceramic bowl over his head, while bent on his knees, on gravelly yard, we all wondered aloud if there wasn’t just a little guerrilla in every Vietnamese uncle.
I know what you’re thinking– Diana’s family sounds creepy and batshit crazy! ME TOO! I’ve believed for years that the punishers on my mom’s side of genealogy chart have some kind of chart-topping sadistic hormone levels that make no sense to normal humans. Still, they set the bar very high–there must be some reason why I laugh every time I see a kid in Brentwood get in trouble (“Caleb, if you don’t stop screaming bloody murder after three minutes, Mommy is not going to by you a Wii! Caleb, do you want to sit in the Benz alone, with the nanny, while Mommy and Daddy finish their wedge salads? Fine. Then take this cashmere blanket with you because it’s cold”), right?
All I know is that nobody with my blood would have dealt with two dozen teenage barbarians that trashed Robert Frost’s historic home (see some of the damage in the photo above) with a raging keg party over Christmas…by having them to take a class in his poetry.
Oh yeah, that’ll teach ‘em.
Filed under: Going Easy, Hardass Asian Families, Heartbreaking, Lame Punishments, Poetry Class is a Blessing Not a Curse, Public Shaming, Soft Love, Teens Suck, These Kids Will Definitely Ruin the World
According to TMZ, angry crazian supermodel Naomi Campbell spent the latter half of her 38th birthday weeping all over her dress, due to a public shaming by the ever-shameless entrepreneur Diddy. Apparently, he 86′d her from his boat in Cannes and she was forced to walk away with her tail between her legs and her head in her hands, perhaps pondering how she had fallen from grasian so dramatically. How does one go from being arguably the greatest supermodel in the world to a bad boat party reject?
Well, we have a few ideas:
Further proof that Hillary Clinton is a closeted Asian came Saturday in Ohio, when Hills busted out the “S” word during a rally in Cincinnati:
Dayum! Watching that gave me flashbacks to my Hardass Asian Mom after she read negative attacks of herself in my diary, circa 7th grade. Her wrath scared me so straight, I whaled on the PSATs, held down first chair oboe all year, and started pretending that I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up.
For anyone out there doubting Hillary’s ability to lead, rest assured. She’ll be great at providing healthcare, because there will be no such thing as “sick,”; making education affordable, because we’ll only be permitted to spend our allowances on tuition at a 1st tier college; and pushing this country to be Number One again, because she’ll need something to brag about at Chinese choir-practice.