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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Miss Universe Japan… Maybe
That’s Emiri Miyasaka (Miss Universe Japan) above, in a brand-spankin’-new national costume, which she will apparently be wearing to the big galactic competition on August 23 of this year.
Perhaps on first glance (if you didn’t, like, immediately splooge all over yourself) you reacted as I did: “Ugh. God. Awful.”
Or like the handful of angry readers that posted comments documented by Itai News (highlighted by Japan Probe, from whom we’re borrowing translation)–which accused her of mocking her home culture, then labeled her as “a national disgrace,” “perverted,” and a “stupid person” wearing a “stupidly designed costume.”
Leave it to my trusty partner-in-crime, Jen, to approach the outfit slightly more thoughtfully: “Yeah, it’s really pervy, but we are talking a beauty pageant“–an event where coating one’s teeth with Vaseline, shoving one’s tits up their chin with tape, and spouting ignorant drivel from the stage are all kosher, if not recommended. Jen also ventured that the outfit might even be evidence of progress: maybe the Miss Universe Japan people are boldly stepping ahead of the curve, finally recognizing that the world kinda views the Japanese as pretty… pervy, and they’re beating everyone to the punch. How forward-thinking of them!
After all, what’s the real disgrace here? That she’s wearing lingerie?
Hell, we’ve seen Rachael Ray in skivvies before, for crying out loud. Total NBD. Conservative Middle America still loves the woman. I could take her or leave her, but that’s hardly the point.
That turkey might think Ray is a disgrace, but he’s probably the only one.
Nothin’ but class in this actBy comparison, Miss Universe Japan looks covered up and downright bookish!
At the end of the day, regardless of its cosmic reach, we are in fact talking about a BEAUTY PAGEANT, not a post-doctoral graduation ceremony. Others may disagree, but in my eyes, this pageant is about as legit and respectable and culturally relevant as Star Magazine (perhaps less so). It’s a boiling cauldron of disgrace. It’s a disgrace diet shake.
Final thoughts: One thing I really, really, really, truly-ooly respect is Miyasaka’s hot legs. They’re awesome. Gotta give respeck where it’s due, y’know?
[Japan Probe: Is Miss Universe Japan's National Costume a National Disgrace?]
Filed under: Cultural Lows, Emiri Miyasaka, Lingerie, Miss Universe, Miss Universe Japan, Pageants Are a Joke, Public Disgrace, Respeck, Showing Skin, Tits
Football Is About Dominasian
Anyone that has spent any time with me during football season knows that I am great at one thing: talking shit. I hate your team. I don’t care who your team is. They are crap and my team, the legendary Pittsburgh Steelers, will crush them with one iron fist. You don’t agree? I can keep this conversation up for hours–you’re a Pats fan? Then I can keep this up all night.
Naturally, last week when the Steelers were preparing to face Donovan “The Hamburglar” McNabb and the Philadelphia Eagles, I checked in with my good friend Aaron–a lifetime Eagles enthusiast–at least once a day:
MONDAY: I hope you don’t lose against the Cowboys tonight. You probably will, though. You loser.
TUESDAY: OOOOOooof. Tough day, huh, buddy? Interceptions sure are a bitch. You really fucked up your one shot at glory. Greatest MNF game ever, though!
WEDNESDAY: Hey, guess what? Today’s hump day. We’re going to the hump the shit out of you this weekend. Hope you’re stretching!
THURSDAY: 
FRIDAY: Hey man. My mom loves the Eagles. She also loves Celine Dion.
SATURDAY: Listen up, you pathetic sunnofabitch! Tomorrow you’re going to suffer a truly dismal defeat. Your team will be bleeding, crying for their mommies, holding their lost scrota in their left hand. YOU PEOPLE ARE GOING DOWN LIKE TONY ROMO ON JESSICA SIMPSON. MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!
SUNDAY EVENING: …
If you don’t know, here’s the scoop: my Steelers went down, and they went down harder and faster than the third season of Veronica Mars. Our offensive line was non-existent, our quarterback fumbled around like a stoned circus clown, and we just never made it happen. It was an ugly game. Ugly. And because of it, I’ve been eating crow–or, er, eagle–for a full day.
This was pathetic. Sad. Embarassing. Most of all, DISGRACEFUL.
I was disgraced by my team yesterday. And if I’m gonna keep talking shit all season, this can’t happen again. It just can’t.
DO YOU HEAR ME, MIKE TOMLIN? TELL THE GUYS!!!
Filed under: Bad Days, Ben Roethlisberger, Donovan "The Hamburglar" McNabb, Eating Crow, Embarrassing, Football, Fumbles, Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers, Public Disgrace, Scrota, This is Bullshit
The Guvnah’s Resignasian
Well, we’re afraid the Associated Press has called it:
…and to that, there are so many things one could say to Spitzer right now. For instance:
“Buh-bye.”
“Was ‘Kristen’ very clean?”
“Does this mean you’re no longer a superdelegate?”
“Our parents are disappointed in you.”
“Does this mean our lunch is off?”
“Wednesday! We thought you’d hold out until at least Friday.”
Instead, I think I’ll just say what I actually keep thinking:
“Elliot. This is a a major bummer, a truly tragic affair. I feel for you and the fact that you’ve been singled out in this insane scandal, that your career is destroyed, that instead of being remembered for cleaning up New York you will forever be known as ‘Client 9.’ The media keeps discussing how you and your career might bounce back from this. But I don’t even care, really, when it comes down to it. The real victims here are your family: your pretty wife, your teenage daughters. I picture them, humiliated, their heads hung in shame, broken-hearted by the broken image of their dad. Will they bounce back?”
Filed under: Bouncing Back, Bummers, Disappointing Your Children, Eliot Spitzer, Families, New York, Public Disgrace, Resignasian, Shame
