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Y’all. Y’ALL. What was up with this week? Why was everyone being such a dick? Was mercury in some kind of dickish retrograde? Was there an excess of dickage in the air? Was there some kind of discount offered on dick pipes? Was it, like, International Be-A-Dick Week? Was there a big VIP dick party that we weren’t invited to (and why not, you dicks)? Seriously, what was with all this whatthedickery?
Don’t know what we mean? What kind of dickhole have you been hiding in? (And is there extra room there? We’re kinda all dicked-out at the moment.) Not to be a total dick and ruin your dick-free week, but if you don’t know what we’re talking about, you don’t know dick. So let’s stop dicking around and get down to business.
NAME: Adam Carolla
WHY HE’S A DICK: He fucked with Intern Jasmine’s homeland and #1 homey, Manny Pacquiao. And she, along with an army of pissed-off Pinoys, ain’t feelin’ that half-assed mea culpa he posted on Twitter.
OUR SOLUTION: Dick Cancer
NAME: The Shen Neng 1 Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! 10 People And/Or Things We Hope Get Dick Cancer
Filed under: Adam Carolla Disses Manny Pacquiao, Akron OH Orientals, Anti-Abortion Crazies, Chinese Coal Ship Rams Great Barrier Reef, Cocks, Dick Cancer, Dickheads, Dicks, Disgrasians of the Weak, Father Joseph Palanivel Jeyapaul, Ginny Barber, Joey Lo, M. Night Shyamalan, North Korea, Orientals, Patrick Kim McDermott, Pricks, Shadows In the Cloud Hackers, Shen Neng 1, The Last Airbender, The Vatican, Tiki Barber, We Are Not Mascots Motherfucker
Diana and I saw The Hangover together recently, and we giggled a lot, because it was totally our kind of chick flick (i.e. a dick flick). But one thing that left me feeling queasy after the movie–besides the Welch’s fruit snacks Diana brought to the theater that I shoveled down by the handful–was Ken Jeong’s character, Mr. Chow. I hated the generic Engrish accent. And the character’s queeny affectation left me cold, coming across more prissy than funny.
The thing is, Ken Jeong, in my book, can do no wreong. I have no idea why. There’s something reassuring about his presence. Maybe he cultivated this as a real doctor. I think it also has to do with that classic Hardass Asian Dad-haircut of his and the soothing timber of his voice. He should read children’s bedtime-stories-on-tape on the side or something. So post-Hangover, I had a hangover of my own, and I was really confused.
Then a friend forwarded this podcast Dr. Ken did with Adam Corolla last week about his role in The Hangover. In it, he went there, and by that I mean, he talks about his dick (there’s a scene in which he does full-frontal). Not only that, he refers to it over the course of the interview as “the smallest cock,” a “tiny penis,” “a grower, not a shower,” and a “mangina.” In the movie, the only other dick we see is Zach Galifianakis’s, but that was a prosthetic. And given prevailing stereotypes, I thought what Ken said in the podcast–and the fact that he did full-frontal in the first place–took balls.
So I’m back again to Ken Jeong can do no wreong. And I feel so much better now.
The next time you decide to spend prime stage time sneering and mocking Obama’s experience from two decades ago as a “community organizer,” perhaps you should consider the fact that your party’s current nominee for Vice President also cut her teeth as a… community organizer.
Oh wait, I’m sorry, every time I say “community organizer,” I’m supposed to smirk and chuckle, right?
Y’all are awfully proud of Sarah Palin’s experience as a PTA member, aren’tcha? But wait one cotton pickin’ minute… isn’t the PTA a voluntary organization? Don’t members organize their communities in order to create positive change in schools? Hasn’t Sen. McCain lauded his running mate’s efforts at the community level, saying that running for the PTA reflected her courage? And doesn’t this courageous experience kinda make Palin’s history that of a, er, community organizer, y’know, before all of her extensive executive experience as a small-town mayor and um, foreign policy veteran (I’m so glad she’s dealt hands-on with all of that raging Canadian and Russian turmoil so that the rest of us wouldn’t have to)?
Rudy, does this community organizer black mark mean that she shouldn’t be hired, either? Urg, I’m so freakin’ confused here–am I supposed to smirk and chuckle now?
Hmm. Maybe I’ll just leave all of the smirking and chuckling to you.
Fuck right off, you raging idiot and failed Presidential candidate,
Filed under: Assholes, Barack Obama, Community Organizers, Does Logic Mean Nothin?, Failure, Fuckfaces, People that Aren't Winners, Pricks, Rudy Giuliani, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin PTA, This is Bullshit