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Candidates on the Daddy Issues
Senators Clinton and Obama were both featured in separate interviews on 60 minutes last night, each staking their respective claim for the Democratic presidential nominasian.
I’ve actually been leafing through Op-Ed piece after Op-Ed piece since Super Tuesday last week, trying to nail down the definitive reason for a whopping 75% of the Asian vote in the highly influential state of California going to Hillary. Everyone’s got their theory–whether it be that Asians follow community leaders, or tend to vote for people with frown lines like their grandma’s.
But I think Couric really got to the bottom of it all during the interview last night, while digging into the Senator’s Hardass upbringing:
“President Clinton described your dad, I believe at his funeral, as tough and gruff?” Couric asked. “And I know I’ve read that when you brought home stellar grades, instead of praising you, he’s [sic] say, ‘You must be going to an easy school.’ … That must have been so demoralizing.”
“He really wanted to motivate me. And it worked,” Clinton said. “You know, it really did. He would say, ‘You can do better. You can do better. Keep going. You can do better.’”
“Do you think he’d still be saying, ‘You can do better’?” Couric asked.
“Probably,” Clinton replied.
At long last, we’ve found the answer! Asian voters can smell Hardass Asian Parenting from a mile away. Ergo, the Super Tuesday vote one of solidarity, like thousands of unified Asian-American voices saying, “Hey Hill, our dads didn’t hug us either.”
Filed under: 60 Minutes, Barack Obama, Californiasians, Daddy Issues, Hardass Parents of All Colors, Hillary Clinton, Katie Couric, Presidential Candidates, Solidarity, The Importance of Voting
Mitt Romney Is a Silly Name
The great white hope for Conservatives in Election ‘08, Mitt Romney, announced today that he has suspended his campaign for the Republican Party Presidensial nominasian. We at DISGRASIAN are sad to see him go–BFHFHAHAHAA–we’d been rooting for him all alo–PFFFTFTFTFTFHHF–and we…HAHAHAHAAHA.
Sorry, but Mitt Romney for President? Just the thought of it always gave us tummy giggles. Or wait, maybe those were vomit shivers. Oh well, fare thee well, Romney!
Filed under: Buh Bye, Conservatards, Mitt Romey, Presidential Candidates, Quitting, Silly Names, Stepping Down, The 2008 Presidential Election
And Then There Were Two
Clearly worried about forever being known as “Mister Third Place” (or as we described to Rudy Giuliani yesterday, “First Loser to the First Loser”), John Edwards officially announced his exit from the Presidential Race today.
Of course we’re sad to see him and his perfectly-coifed hair step down. We truly respect his furious fight for the angry middle class, and hate to see any strong-willed Democrat hang up his coat. But it really gave us the sad and uncomfy tingles watching him try to squeak into the dialogues of the last handful of debates, only to be ignored like a homely, boobless teenage girl. Hey, nobody needs to feel that left out, not this long after summer camp.
Edwards ran an admirable campaign, and we applaud him for trying. Although, let’s be honest, we’re Asian! We think quitters are LOOOOOOOOOOSERS!!!
Filed under: And then there were two, Buh Bye, Coifs, Democrats, John Edwards, Losers, Presidential Candidates, Quitting, Stepping Down, The 2008 Presidential Election
Don’t Say A Prayer For Me Now
Looks like Hillary is invoking the power of prayer hands to–at long last–reach out to Asian voters. Thank goodness. It’s about time! As a deeply motivated, registered voter, I, for one, am thrilled to finally be included in the ongoing conversation about race and politics!
Filed under: Annoying Hand Gestures, Elections, Hillary Clinton, It's the "Race" Race, Prayer Hands, Presidential Candidates, There Wasn't An Asian Person In This Room, Where is the Asian Voter Outreach?
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Chuck Norris
Our jaws dropped last week when Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee suggested AMENDING THE CONSTITUTION TO REFLECT GOD’S STANDARDS, A PROPOSAL RECEIVED BY A CHEERING AUDIENCE.
To avoid being remiss, here is the more definitive quote, from MSNBC:
“[Some of my opponents] do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it’s a lot easier to change the constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God, and that’s what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards,” Huckabee said, referring to the need for a constitutional human life amendment and an amendment defining marriage as between a man and a woman.
Um. Amend the constitution? Our founding fathers are rolling like fucking ravers on E in their graves right now. Huh??? Wha???
We expect candidasians to talk crazy talk. What else is new? But what we shouldn’t have to deal with is this:
Norris endorses Mike “Constitution Shmonstitution” Huckabee
Oh, Chuck. Oh, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck. He studied with THE MASTER Bruce Lee. He starred in Walker, Texas Ranger for eight freakin’ years! He can kill two stones with one bird!!!
We can say with almost absolute certainty that Lee would not approve of this crazian political tour. Does Chuck need another couple of kicks in the head to remind him of what good sense is?
We certainly think so.
Filed under: Amending the Constitution, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Crazy Talk, God's Standards, Huh?, Mike Huckabee, Nerds, Presidential Candidates, The Master Is Ashamed
