DISGRASIAN™

When Worlds Collide: Tom Cruise And Tokyo

Tom Cruise at the Tokyo Premiere of 'Knight and Day'

TOM CRUISE: Watch my movie!

DUDE ON THE LEFT WITH THE LUSCIOUS LOCKS: Hey Tom, what’s up bro? Can you sign something for my lady?

TOM CRUISE: You look good to me.

DUDE ON THE LEFT WITH THE LUSCIOUS LOCKS: You could sign whatever, man. Maybe her shirt? We didn’t bring anything.

TOM CRUISE: Hmm… I wonder what Suri’s wearing today? Hopefully that cute, cute, cute little Burberry dress I presented to her in a box tied with a ribbon before I left. I just love her so much. She’s totally my favorite of all my kids.

GUY ON THE FAR LEFT WITH HIS EYES CLOSED: Is Tom Cruise here? I can’t see anything!

TOM CRUISE: That Cameron Diaz, what a tall drink of water. Where is she standing?

GUY ON THE FAR LEFT WITH HIS EYES CLOSED: I can’t see her either!

TOM CRUISE: Did any of you happen to see The Last Samurai?

MAN ON RIGHT: I did. Not the most accur–

TOM CRUISE: I am so in love with my wife, Kate! If I wasn’t here at this premiere, I would be ordering a dozen cupcakes to send to her while she’s shopping at Barney’s.

CHILD BEING HELD BY MAN ON RIGHT: I hate it here, Daddy! Can we GO?

Continue reading When Worlds Collide: Tom Cruise And Tokyo

Filed under: Cameron Diaz, Japan, Katie Holmes, Knight And Day, Movie Stars, Premieres, Small Fries, Suri Cruise, The most uninterested-looking fans every to attend a film premiere, Tokyo, Tom Cruise

Switching Geres

Richard Gere debuts his new film, Hachiko: A Dog’s Story, in Japan:

“We’re not exactly sure where the little furball came from
…but boy does it look TIRED.”

[photo via Splash]

Source

Filed under: Bad Jokes, Cute Dogs, Japan, Not a Gerbil, Premieres, Richard Gere, Scurrilous Rumors

The X Files: I Want to Bai-lieve

Bai Ling attended the X-Files: I Want to Believe premiere last night looking like a slutty Big Bird, accessorized with–shocker!–a requisite nipple slipple, silver heels, a hint of ass crack, and those stupid fucking band-aids.

Bai doesn’t appear to be in the movie, but if she were, we’re confident she would have been perfect as “one of them.”

Source
Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: Aliens, Bai Ling, Band-Aids, Big Bird Suits, Dana Scully, Fox Mulder, I Want to Believe, Jumping the Nipple Shark, Live From the Red Carpet, Nipple Slipples, Nipples, Premieres, X-Files Movie

Do We Offend?

So the big Rush Hour 3 premiere bash happened last night, beginning at Mann’s Chinese Theater (of course). I’m sure you’ve been looking for us in the screening and after party photos…

Are we… here?

Nope, just the Fat guy.

What about… here?

Nuh uh, not here either. But hee hee! Rook at how tiny
Jackie and other rittle people rookey next to big tall man!

Okay then, what about… here?

Sadly, no. This photo contains only DISGRASIANS,
one of which apparently still has trouble understanding Chingrish.

Well gosh, maybe the guest list was just really tight at this event. Strictly A-list. Only true artists, visionaries, pioneers of the industry, that sort of thing.

Oh wait, there’s that putrid waste of human flesh,
and she’s talking to a living, breathing, jump-kicking cartoon.

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. I’ll admit it. We weren’t invited. Maybe we weren’t important enough. Maybe there was too much to write about. Maybe they were scared to have us there.

Or maybe we just had something better to do:

…like catching up on our knitting.

…or practicing our math.

Frankly, we really didn’t want to go.

Source: Associated Press

Filed under: Boredom, Brett Fat, Jackie Chan, Lame, Paris Hilton, Premieres, Rush Hour 3, This Party Blows, We'd Rather Watch Porn With Our Parents