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Filed under: Crazy Faces, Hillary Clinton, HRC, India Prime Minister Singh State Visit, Manmohan Singh, Namaste, Prayer Hands, President Barack Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Signs of Respect
Memphis Mayor Pro Tem Myron Lowery fist-bumped the Dalai Lama Wednesday, when His Holiness was in town to accept an award at the National Civil Rights Museum. According to Lowery, the greeting was pre-approved, and though it was reported that the Dalai Lama had no problem with it, not everyone appreciated the gesture.
So much so that Lowery felt compelled to explain why he gave a pound to the Dalai Lama, over at CNN. Ever since a co-worker came down with the H1N1 virus a few weeks ago, Lowery wrote, hand sanitizer, sleeve-sneezing, and fist-bumping have been his thing.
Unwittingly, by preventing the spread of one epidemic, Lowery also dodged another:
And for that, Mayor Lowery, I salute you.
*punches it in*
Filed under: Buddhist Prayer Hands, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Fist Bump, Fist Pound, Greetings, H1N1 Virus, Memphis, Myron Lowery, Prayer Hands, Preventing Swine Flu, Punch It In, The Dalai Lama, Tibet
Dear Fuck God,
First of all, let me thank you for all of my wonderful gifts. Thank you for my luscious weave, my bodacious fake tits, and my wonderful husband. Thank you for convincing my mother to give me the space that I need, mostly ‘cuz I feel she is a stupid and dumb, fat bitch anyway.
Next, I would like to say sorry for a couple of things. I am sorry that I voted for John McCain. I am sorry that I brought shame to the House of Chanel. I am sorry that I tried to bring shorts back into style.
Finally, I would like to ask for forgiveness. I would like to apologize for all of Spence’s and my staged photo-shoots, particularly the most recent one in which Spencer and I pretended to get martial arts training. Listen, I know they’re really annoying. I know we look ridiculous, but here’s the thing–I feel like we’ve basically signed our souls away to the Fuck Devil. Fuck God, at this point, unless I want to just bow out of life completely, I’ve got no choice but to keep up this douchery. So I’m sorry, so sorry, and wish that instead of pretending to fight in these last photos, Spence and I were actually, truly beating the shit out of each other, perhaps to the death, so that we could put each other out of our misery and make the world a happier, better place.
Anyway, gotta go. We’ve got a rezzie at the Ivy for “lunch.”
Filed under: Apologies, Chanel, Disappointing Your Parents, Douchebags, Fake Tits, Famous-For-Nothings, Heidi Montag, John McCain, Martial Arts, Prayer Hands, Shameless Photo Ops, Spencer Pratt, The Fuck God
Part of the reason I haven’t been able to bring myself to watch MTV’s latest idiotic reality show, Paris Hilton’s My New BFF–in which wannabe starfuckers vy for the slot as Paris’s main hanger-on–is that I can’t bear the thought of anybody, however tarderriffic they may be anyway, groveling at the feet of Paris Hilton.
Worse, I hate the thought of an Asian (especially a gaysian!) on his knees in front of that walking syphilis host!
In response to media outrage over the Spanish national basketball team making a slit-eyed gesture in a recent newspaper advertisement, the team’s point guard, Jose Calderon, who plays for the Toronto Raptors professionally, issued a statement via his personal website Tuesday.
No way, Jose! Dude, you are clearly unschooled in the way of our people and in desperate need of an educasian. First of all, everyone knows that if you want to make an Oriental Expression (“OE”), you do it with your hands, yo, and not your eyes.
The Peace Sign should always be your first option:
But in a classier, more formal Oriental setting, you could opt for the Buddhist prayer gesture, or Prayer Hands, as we like to call them.
But, sheeit, why stop at “somewhat loving”? You’re in the Land of Love You Long Time, after all. If you really want to demonstrate your affection for our people, why not, in the words of Chris Berman, GO. ALL. THE. WAY??!
Which brings us to the Middle Finger, aka The Finger, Flipping the Bird, The Bird. Because nothing communicates “huge respect” as appropriately as this expression does. Take it from us–two bona fide Orientals–the Middle Finger may not be exclusive to our culture, but it’s nevertheless prized among rice eaters. Not only because it’s succinct and to the point, but because it leaves no room for interpretasian. And interpretasian is really the culprit in this case, and not, say, willful ignorance and cultural ineptitude, right?
Filed under: Disgranish, Dumbasses, Jose Manuel Calderon, Oriental Expressions, Please Stop Flashing Peace Signs Peeps, Prayer Hands, The 2008 Olympics, The Finger, The Spanish Basketball Team, Way to Go Spain
Looks like Hillary is invoking the power of prayer hands to–at long last–reach out to Asian voters. Thank goodness. It’s about time! As a deeply motivated, registered voter, I, for one, am thrilled to finally be included in the ongoing conversation about race and politics!
Filed under: Annoying Hand Gestures, Elections, Hillary Clinton, It's the "Race" Race, Prayer Hands, Presidential Candidates, There Wasn't An Asian Person In This Room, Where is the Asian Voter Outreach?
Was it life imitating art that made DISGRASIAN readers want to throw a tea party?
But remember, Owen Wilson-as-Wounded-Bird fans…the boy wants to “heal in private.”
Britney busted with the Prayer Hands at last night’s VMAs during her dead-in-the-eyes, tragically lip-synced performance, “Gimme More.” But after watching her drift and gesture around the stage like a mentally-ill homeless woman shuffling along on the street…
“Oh Lawd. Please give me back the life I once knew. Replace this doughy beer gut with ma old six-pack. Make me look less like an awkward linebacker. My ass is so flat right now, it looks like the state of Kansas. Give me back ma charisma and ma innocence. I beseech you, even tho I have no clue what that word means. Please make the voices in ma head go away, too. Help me, Lawd. Please.”
Here are DISGRASIAN’s rules regarding making Buddhist prayer hands in public. They’re very simple and, in our view, quite generous.
1) If you’re from a culture that actually uses them in greeting, pray away.
2) If you are a martial artist–even the world’s most revoltacious–pray like you’re under siege.
3) If your nickname is His Holiness, well, nuff said.
5) But if you’re a French actress walking the red carpet in Tokyo, bustin’ with the prayer hands cuz you’re in Asia and you’re trying to convey how spirituel you are…
…we’ll feel compelled to tell you that a) the Japanese don’t bow that way, and b) we’re praying for you and a speedy recovery from this affliction.