Conversasian between George W. Bush and Kasha Maria Charlton, a student whose Kansas town was devastated by a tornado a year ago, at her high school graduation:
GEORGE W.: Well, Kara, this is some graduatin‘ y’all are doin’ here.
KASHA MARIA: Thank you Mr. President. Um… Mr. President, my name is actually Kasha, not Kara.
GEORGE W.: That’s what I said, darlin’. Kara. I know sometimes it’s hard to hear through my axe-int. I’m from Texas. The Mexicanos call it Tey-hoss, but they are wrrrrongo.
KASHA MARIA: Sorry, sir. So yeah, er… Mr. President, there’s a “sh” sound in my name. Kasha.
GEORGE W.: I heard you the first time, goshbedarnit, Kara. It’s not nukular science.
KASHA MARIA: (ashamed) Oh my gosh, you’re right, sir. I’m so sorry, sir. I apologize, Mr. President.
GEORGE W.: Don’t worry about it, kiddo. So what’ve we got goin’ on up in here?
KASHA MARIA: Well sir, this is our high school graduation. We’ve overcome a lot to get here, what with the natural disaster and all.
GEORGE W.: (panicked) There wasn’t a hurricane, was there? Should we Chevy to the levee real quick?
KASHA MARIA: Oh no, sir. So um, Mr. President, I thought you knew–a really big tornado ripped through this area exactly one year ago.
GEORGE W.: Oh yeah! Tornad-a. Rhymes with Al Qaeda. That’s how Dick taught me how to say it. Tornad-a-Al-Qeada is like, a demonic device, which means it helps you remember stuff and stuff. Tornad-as, shoot, we call ‘em spinners at home. They look like Bugles. Delicious! Man, speakin’ of crispy corn snacks, I could really go for a box of Bugles right about now. How’d that spinner of yours turn out, anyway?
KASHA MARIA: Sir, it destroyed 90% of this town. 11 people died. I thought that’s why you came here to speak at our graduation. Because you wanted to take the time out to congratulate us on our success through tragedy, and lift this area’s morale–that is, between your hectic schedule of war-waging, fact-faking, and daughter-marrying.
GEORGE W.: Oh, only 11 people died?
KASHA MARIA: Uh… only?
GEORGE W.: Yeah, it’s like I tell all those donkey-asses every day. Only about 2,000 people died in Katrina. Only 5 grand have died in Iraq. That’s a small price to pay for American national security.
KASHA MARIA: Sir?
GEORGE W.: Hmm?
KASHA MARIA: What do natural disasters have to do with national security?
GEORGE W.: I guess mostly it all has to do with the fact that I don’t give two shakes of a lambs tail about poor people.
KASHA MARIA: What?!?! That doesn’t even make sense!
GEORGE W.: I mean, I feel t-terribly for your people. But t-terror has got to be stopped. Lots of folks kicked the bucket under Clinton and Reagan and heck, tons during World War II. Git the heck off my back, ‘naw what I’m sayin?
KASHA MARIA: Mr. President, no. No I don’t.
GEORGE W.: Well Kashi, that’s because you’re very young. You’ve only finished high school. And I’m sure you worked really hard studying all that ‘rithmetic and verbs and tests like the C.A.T. and stuff. But sometimes you’ve got to be a wealthy white oil man to understand stuff like this.
KASHA MARIA: Right. Mr. President, I actually think I have to go speak to the principal now.
GEORGE W.: That can wait, can’t it? We’re havin’ a blast! I can probably get us some Jell-O shots, if you want ‘em. Jell-O shots always remind me of graduations. Or is it the other way around?
KASHA MARIA: Actually, sir, I have to go to the bathroom.
GEORGE W.: Number one or number two?
KASHA MARIA: Oh my Lord. Will somebody please take the picture?
Filed under: Death, George W. Bush, Graduation, Hurricane Katrina, Iraq, Kansass, People Who Have No Shame, Perspective, Poor People, the President
KIMORA: Alright bitches, let’s make this happen.
AOKI LEE: I want a pumpkin, mommy!
MING LEE: Please mommy, let’s play!
DJIMON: What’s the hurry? We’re just enjoying ourselves at the pumpkin patch.
KIMORA: Excuse me, did I just hear you assert an opinion? Stay back there where you belong.
AOKI LEE: Pumpkin!
KIMORA: Aoki, keep quiet and work that dress, girl. When we get home Mommy will let you wear some of her dead animals.
DJIMON: I just think that we should let them take their time here. It’s just good, clean, wholesome fun.
KIMORA: It’s free fun, Djimon. And everyone that knows anything knows that free fun isn’t that fun. Let’s go somewhere for dinner where they can kick someone out of a table for us.
DJIMON: Kimora, I’m not sure that the best example we can set for children is to be loud, obnoxious, and greedy.
KIMORA: Are you calling me fat? I am not fat.
DJIMON: I didn’t even say the word fat. I’m talking about setting examples.
KIMORA: What do you know about examples? I’m a mogul! That’s an example for you!
MING LEE: Mommy, my friend’s mommy said that wearing fur is wrong.
DJIMON: (to Ming) Well sweetie, she’s certainly entitled to that belief.
KIMORA: Ming, that whole “fur is fucked” thing is just something poor people say out loud to make themselves feel better about having to buy fake shit.
KIMORA: STAND BEHIND ME!
DJIMON: I’m just saying…
KIMORA: DON’T! SAY! ANYTHING! OR I WILL SHOVE ONE OF MY BOOTS UP YOUR ANUS. AND YOU WILL FEEL IT.
DJIMON: Kimora, I’m not trying to…
KIMORA: Oh boy, here it comes.
DJIMON: Alright, fatty. Bring it.
Filed under: Djimon Honsou is Goooooood Lookin' But Keeping Rather Poor Company, Excess, Exemplary Behavior, Fur, Good Luck to Aoki and Ming (You'll Need It), Kimora Lee Likes to Fight, Poor People, Rich People