DISGRASIAN™

When Worlds Collide

DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamer Gwen Stefani received a surprise present from a Mystery Fan on Mother’s Day.

Gwen: Do I know you?

Mystery Fan: Oh my god. Gwen Stefani! It’s really you! I’m such a huge fan.

Gwen: Uh-huh.

Mystery Fan: Sorry. Where are my manners? I’m Jen. My friend Diana and I have a blog, and we write about you all the time.

Gwen: That’s cool. I was about to take my son out for a walk, so–

Mystery Fan: Happy Mother’s Day! I just wanted to give you this, and then I’ll leave you alone.

Gwen: Thanks. (takes bouquet and sniffs) Eww…Arrgh..Gag…Ughhh…Barf…Achhh!!!

Mystery Fan: Don’t you like the poo-quet? It’s all the rage in Harajuku.

Gwen: (poo on face) What the fuck? I’m going to slap a restraining order on your ass!

Mystery Fan: Oh yeah? Well we’re slapping an Emancipasian order on your ass. Which is fat. And you’ve got poo on your face, beyotch!

Sound of sirens. The police roll up.

Cop: Ms. Stefani, is this the intruder?

Gwen: Yeesssss! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

The cops lead the Mystery Fan away in handcuffs.

Mystery Fan: Emancipasian Now! Free the Harajuku Girls!

Gwen: I justh thwallow shith! Ith in my moufth! Helf may! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Mystery Fan: What do we want? FREEDOM! When do want it? NOW!

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Filed under: DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamers, Emancipasian Now, Free the Harajuku Girls, Gwen Stefani, Mother's Day, Poo-quets, Shit On Your Face