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Four years on the musical slave plantasian has apparently not been kind to Gwen Stefani’s vocal cords.
The new No Doubt leaked release (a cover of Adam Ant’s “Stand and Deliver”) is shit. Absolute shit. I’ve tried to get through a complete listen–using a survival tactic often purposed for bad sex–by focusing on the image of Tony Kanal’s oh-so-pretty face and trying not to listen too hard to the slinkys that have apparently lodged themselves in Stefani’s larynx, but it’s not working at all. Is this No Doubt comeback reunion really going to work? Does the chick with the microphone even have the ability to make music without Japanese backup anymore?
It’s gonna take awhile to answer those questions. Somebody get me an Excedrin Migraine and a vibrator, stat.
Sporty: I look hot. I need a new name. Hot Spice?
Ginger: Being a stay-at-home mom is sooooooo rewarding. My hobbies include knitting, crocheting, and scrapbooking.
Baby: Some people say I look like a fat Kate Bosworth.
Melanie: Your damn straight Eddie Murphy’s the father of my baby. And he’s gonna pay. Cuz if you wanna be my lover, you have got to give.
Ginger: Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is.
Baby: If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Make it last forever, friendship never ends.
(pregnant pause the size of Baby Spice)
(Sporty/Hot Spice whips out a microphone from her skinny jeans)
Sporty/Hot: Yo I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want so tell me what you want what you really really want I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want so tell me what you want what you really really want I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna really really really–
Posh: Here we go again.