You are currently browsing posts tagged with Plastic Surgery

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Eye-Taping Is So Candy-Ass

September 9th, 2011 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Last week, a YouTube video surfaced of former plus-size model Crystal Renn–no stranger to controversy vis-à-vis physical transformation–taping her eyes back in what appeared to be an attempt to look Asian during a Vogue Nippon photo shoot.

While Refinery 29 wondered if eye-taping wasn’t akin to blackface, a disturbing phenomenon that’s reared its ugly head in recent photo shoots, Renn tried to clear things up this week in an interview with Jezebel, maintaining that eye-taping is a model trick frequently used to achieve a “straight brow” (as opposed to an Asian eye):

No one told me at the shoot to tape. It is something that I often do to add to the look of the character if I feel that the look makes sense, and often I suggest it. I have very heavy brows, and they’re more curved than straight, and sometimes when you’re doing a character it might require more of a straight brow. Which sounds like such a small detail, but it can completely transform the face. Lots of actresses do this, models do this — I don’t know how willing models usually are to do it, or if other people suggest it, but I am willing, and I even bring [tape] it in my own kit.

Even though Renn seems sincere, since eye-taping was employed for so many years as a way to make white actors look Asian–in the place of actually hiring Asians–I’m not sure it can ever escape its racist connotations. In fact, in the same interview with Renn, Jezebel points out that eye-taping isn’t even a thing of the past.

So what’s a would-be eye-taper to do?

What Asians have been doing for decades to achieve a, ahem, “curved brow.”

Yes, I mean eyelid surgery, but reverse-engineered:

Crystal Renn + Liu Wen = CRYSTAL WENN

Extreme, sure. Though people will be too awed by the commitment this sort of body modificasian requires to ever think it’s racist. And it may be expensive, but think of the money one could save over a lifetime on tape!

Or, you know, Vogue Nippon could just hire an Asian model with a naturally “straight brow” the next time and avoid this sticky situation altogether.

[Refinery 29: Is Taping Your Eyes To Look Asian The New Blackface?]
[Jezebel: Crystal Renn Wasn’t Trying To ‘Look Asian’ In That Eye Tape Shoot]

Special thanks to Helen for creating “Crystal Wenn”!

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10 Reasons Not To Get Plastic Surgery To Look Like Jessica Alba (And One Reason To Do It)

February 5th, 2010 | 11 comments | Posted by Diana

A 21 year-old girl in China is getting plastic surgery to look like Jessica Alba.

Now Jess is really, really hot. Damn near perfect, if there is such a thing. Worse, she’s only better in person.

But why would anyone want to look like some actress instead of like themselves?

Why, for love.

You see, Xiaoqing (future patient) was dating some cheesedick for a year and a half that was so obsessed with Alba that it consumed him entirely (read: he is a freakish stalker gnome), and eventually she had to bail. Post facto, instead of thanking bejeezus that she got away from that sick, sad, reality-challenged nerdbomber, Xiaoqing began to regret the split and brainstormed ways to get him back. The result of all that thinking was the choice to alter her appearance and become, as Erasure may have put it, Alba-esque.

Continue reading 10 Reasons Not To Get Plastic Surgery To Look Like Jessica Alba (And One Reason To Do It)

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Madonna On A Slippery Slope To Priscilla Presley’s Face

September 16th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Enough about Kanye already. Since when did the VMAs become the Nobel Prize ceremony anyway? It’s an awards show for music videos. You know, like really short films for people with even shorter attention spans. The actual awards are called “moonmen.” And did you honestly know who Taylor Swift was before Kanye “took away her moment”? I’ve been seeing her pointy face everywhere for some time without any real idea of who she is. Now I can name one of her songs at least. (I do concur with our Prez, though, that Kanye’s a “jackass.” But enough about that already, too.)

Because what really shocked me at the VMAs was what’s happening to Madonna’s face.

Madonna during her Michael Jackson tribute, and Priscilla Presley, mother-in-law to Michael Jackson for two seconds

Dude. This is a scary slippery slope that does not lead to a good place:

I mean, seriously, Kanye Who?


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Eye of the Tiger

February 24th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Jen often tells me that my firmly-held anti-plastic surgery stance will very likely swing the other direction when my face starts to fall. I can’t say I don’t believe her. My face is already starting to do things I don’t understand–like my cheek holding a pillow line for hours instead of minutes, or my undereyes developing giant pillow-bags that are not the least bit threatened by cucumber slices. All in all, not good.

So when I read today that Chow Yun-Fat admitted to getting eyelid surgery during a South Korean TV interview, I didn’t judge. According to the actor, his lids just started to droop, and he simply got that shit fixed. That’s a legitimate reason if I ever heard one, and hell, the surgery was good. Look at those peepers! He looks twinkly and kinda Richard Gere-ish, just without the silver locks and prayer hands.

Now that I think about it, maybe I don’t have an anti-plastic surgery stance at all, after all. Hunh.


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Au Naturelizasian

February 20th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Is that really you, Julie Chen (pictured below with her network president, er, husband, Les Moonves)?

Whither goest the helmet hair, the shit-ton of makeup, the pageant smile, and the weird plastic surgery?


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Ungodly Face Alterasian

November 12th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Body Dysmorphic Syndrome and Plastic Surgery Addiction are no fucking joke.

And I’m not just saying that to YOU, Hollywood:


It’s no wonder ordinary civilians are also falling prey to this insanity. I hate to see anybody go down like that–with those insanely puffed lips, painfully swollen cheeks, slanty-taut eyes (not that there’s anything wrong with slanty eyes, which I personally love), scary eyebrows, emotionless foreheads. What a freakishly sad way to conduct one’s life, old or young. Bummer.

And let’s just multiply that bummer by about a million when we think about a beautiful young girl, who, at 28, started in on the alterasians:

…and over two decades, became so desperate to keep mangling herself that she eventually began injecting herself with doctor-provided silicone.

And when she ran out of silicone, she just started using cooking oil.

And now, she looks like this:


Which is sad and… scary.

World, we have a problem.

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Nicole Scherzinger on Racial Drag

September 8th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
The Pussycat Dolls at NY Fashion Week’s Fashion Rocks last Friday

Nicole Scherzinger on wearing a sari:

“This is my first time in a sari because somebody told me Bollywood is really hot right now. It feels amazing but not quite as sexy as latex pants. I feel like a whole nother person. I put this on and I feel so beautiful and just in touch with all the different cultures and backgrounds that I’m made of. And now for an awkward, non-sequiter shout-out to my fans: Just be true to yourself and stay beautiful.

…I’m so honored if people think that I’m Indian or look Indian instead of a plastic surgery nightmare. Growing up…I didn’t always have a lot of people to look up to who looked like me [cue world's smallest violin]. And I love that everywhere I go [everywhere??--Ed.], even in India, people think, wow, she belongs to us. [Please, for the love of God, India--take this crazy bitch off our hands.--Ed.]


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Whither Goest Kim Vo’s Anti-Asian Face Cream?

July 23rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I would like to formally nominate celebutard hairstylist Kim Vo (Britney Spears and Kate Hudson are clients) for the site Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians, which is almost as good for shits and giggles as Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Like a Horse. Vo, who is half-Vietnamese, half-French, and 100% not blonde, looks–to use a tired phrase–like a hot mess. Between the spray tan, the crow’s feet, that wrinkly neck, and those pumped-up lips, I simply don’t know where to look.

Thanks, Jasmine!

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March 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

We’ve all had those awful moments of realization: We have our mother’s moon face. A third-world flat nose. Our dad’s beady-little almond eyes. Sausage knees. A flat ass. Non-existent cheekbones. Five feet of tiny height. Or whatever else is wrong with us, that can be magically assessed in a highly unforgiving full-length mirror.

All of which make it very difficult to look like Gisele Bündchen, or like the Sweet Valley twins that you read about through grade school, or your Barbie dolls, or that bitchy, skinny, matchy-matchy perfect 10 that your crush, Jeff, is going out with instead of you.

In those moments, it’s so easy to daydream about how easy it could be to get just a little something done. Maybe a little eyelid snip ‘n’ pull like your friend Jenny got on her “mother-daughter trip” to Korea. Or perhaps a bit of work on your nose to help out with that deviated septum.

I must say, I was a bit taken aback, though not surprised, by the tip I received numerous times this week, all of which pointed to: Asian-Americans are more down for plastic surgery than anyone else these days.

Hey, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it, or marveled at the wonderful work I’ve seen on my newly round-eyed relatives. But it does bum me out.

When are we going to realize that we’re blazin’ hot the way we are? We don’t get old, we don’t get fat, and hey, from what I hear, white people seem to like us just the way we are. So maybe we should start liking ourselves.


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Face Alterasian?

March 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

From this TMZ video debacle, let us glean some informasian that can help us in the future.

Tip #1: Never ask an Asian woman if she’s considering Botox. She’s not. And she won’t be. And don’t hate her, but she’s not going to need to, not even in 15 years.

Tip #2: If you’re a ballroom dancer with a a 50-year-old mom’s haircut, and your name is “Cheryl,” don’t be upset if people ask you if you’re considering Botox. You’re not old enough to feel insecure about your age, and you aren’t making a great case for yourself anyway. You likely also work in Hollywood, sort of, where girls under 18 already think they need collagen in their lips. Instead of getting angry, just smile.

Tip #3: If you are a Dancing With the Stars cast member, don’t be snide with the paparazzi, as this is probably your only time in the sun. Savor it! Seriously. Savor it.


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What the Hell

March 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I’ve mentioned before that I once attended a Miss Universe pageant. I wound up taking pictures of the contestants for a magazine story and spent quite a bit of time with them. Many of them were robots who responded to anything and everything with a canned answer and a pose. I would be hard-pressed to pick these women out in a lineup, but I do remember Miss India, Nehu Dhupia. She was smaller than most of the other glamazons, and she did not have a perfect body. But she was smart and articulate in a human way. She seemed like she’d be a fun drinking buddy. And her face was truly breathtaking:

Nehu placed in the top ten but didn’t win. Since then, she has become an actress in Bollywood, in addition to…a white Hooters girl???

Okay, maybe she could pass for Latina.

Tell us who she reminds you of!

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Brazilasians Celebrate 100

January 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

One of our readers sent us an incredible story from Sky News over the weekend: “Model to Undergo Plastic Surgery to Make Eyes Look Japanese.” 36 year-old Brazilian Angela Bismarchi, a Carnival performer, is getting a new slant on life right before Rio’s annual festival next month.

Angela Bismarchi gives the finger to her old look

The profile is so injected with content, we decided to do a line-by-line procedure on it:

A Brazilian model is having nylon wires implanted in her eyes to give them an oriental slant.

DISGRASIAN: Dude, no one even calls a rug “oriental” any more.

Angela Bismarchi…is having the procedure to celebrate 100 years of Japanese immigration to Brazil.

DISGRASIAN: What an, um, unusual way to celebrate multiculturalism. But, okay!

It will be the 42nd time she has had plastic surgery and she is closing in on the world record of 47 held by American Cindy Jackson.

DISGRASIAN: Ooooooh. Now we get it. Creepy.

Bismarchi, who is 6 feet tall and promotes a lingerie collection, is married to a plastic surgeon — he has operated on her 10 times.

DISGRASIAN: You know what people say, “A couple that goes under the knife together, stays together.”

Oh, wait, that’s not a saying.

(In 2002, Bismarchi) paraded with the face of President Lula da Silva painted across her exposed body.

Officers released her after she explained that it was a gesture to Silva’s anti-hunger plan.

DISGRASIAN: “Anti-hunger plan”? [note to selves: file away in case of unfortunate, unforeseen arrest]

Bismarchi had her first cosmetic surgery in 1992 after her daughter was born. She was just 21 and had her breasts lifted.

She liked the result and became so fascinated with cosmetic surgery that her next two husbands were plastic surgeons.

DISGRASIAN: You know what people say, “Do what you love.”

Thanks Ikai!

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