Patricia Field Did This?

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Lucy, Lius the Opera Gloves

January 9th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dearest Lucy Liu,

I’m pretty sure that Patricia Field is just fucking with you. I know you are the focal point of the new, very fash-ant-garde TV show Cashmere Mafia now, which means that you have to assume fashism icon status and gallivant around town wearing wild (ugly) shit and telling reporters in knowledgeable tones: “Oh god, I love young and independent designers. Zac Poseur really just knows a woman’s body.”

But here’s the lowdown, and this is hard for me because I truly think you’re lovely and talented (you are so pretty, so pretty. My dog and her dad rode in an elevator with you two months ago and raved about your skin. This is true!): I really, truly-ooly don’t believe Mafia is going to take off. This show will be a bigger bomb than your lesbian vampire movie. I do think Field has lost her touch–and if she does in fact still have a touch, she’s fingering New Line’s Sex and the City movie, not your little “tv show.”

I’m sorry. Saying such things is hard for me. But to be frank, I really just don’t want you toting ugly gold bags while wearing black opera gloves anymore. You don’t deserve it and we will both regret it. I already do.

hugs and kisses,
Diana

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Filed under: Great Skin, Lesbian Vampires, Losing Your Touch, Lucy Liu, Patricia Field Did This?, Sex and The City, Ugly Dresses

A Little Personalizasian

August 30th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I know sometimes it feels like we only talk about very distant, impersonal things– celebrities, politicians, people we don’t know that make ignorant TV shows or do stupid things to earn them a spot in the news. You know what I mean. Sigh.

So today I’ve decided to start letting you into my real, personal life. I’ve got a job. I’ve got dreams. I’ve got a family.

Below is a picture of my Aunt Sharon. She is an immigrant, a hard worker, and a good person. She walks the streets on foot in the clothes she’s collected from her children and her refugee sponsor, ignoring the creaks in her bones to peruse the local Asian market for leechees and beef shanks–which she stores in her reusable plastic grocery bag. She does all of this while carrying an umbrella to shield her precious porcelain skin from the evil sun. Her mother never allowed her to tan–she would look like a peasant–and she has carried that advice with her for her entire life. She is a good woman. She is my family.

Ohhh. Shit. Wait. Forget it. No. That’s Lucy Liu on the set of Cashmere Mafia. Ignore everything I said.