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Thank you for taking Gwen Stefani off our hands this summer. And by off our hands, we mean touring with her and making a new album together, thereby preventing her from doing something foolish and godawful on her own, like parading around with her four matchy-matchy Harajuku Slaves or doing another solo record of lobotomizing tunage that serves no discernible purpose other than to fill the void during a 30-second timeout at a Laker game (some of which you’re responsible for, but let’s just pretend we don’t know that). You’re doing us–and, we like to think, the world–a HUGE solid.
Oh, and happy 39th birthday, too!
Following the well-publicized rumble between Jon Lovitz and Andy Dick, our favorite linebacker, I mean, comedienne, Chelsea Handler, had SNL alum Victoria Jackson, Bai Ling, and some other dude I don’t recognize, on her show to talk about it. Victoria, who made her name playing a ditzy blonde, comes off like a rocket scientist compared to Bai.
To review, here are the intelligent and rollicking things Bai Ling had to say:
Bai: Are they doing a kung-fu movie or reality? Are they filming or just fighting?
TRANSLASIAN: Are they doing ching-chong ching-chong?
Bai: Chelsea, may I ask you, what does it mean, Andy Dick? What does it mean, Dick? I’m always afraid of pronounce that name, seriously.
TRANSLASIAN: I am a slutty whore.
Then the rest of the guests try to explain to little Bai Peep what “dick” means:
Victoria Jackson: It’s a nickname for Richard.
TRANSLASIAN: I make joke. Badly.
Oh, Bai. Do you honestly think anyone believes that you don’t know DICK about DICK? Especially since you suck the BIG DONKEY VARIETY?
Yeah. I didn’t think so.
(thanks to Rob C. for hating Bai Ling as much as I do)