You are currently browsing posts tagged with Paparazzi Whores
Not-Pregnant Fun On the Beach
Num num numDuh, Tila. You’re supposed to lick carpet, not sand.
Filed under: Bikinis, Embarrassing, Getting It Wrong, Licking Carpet, Paparazzi Whores, Sandy Cooch, Shameless Photo Ops, Tila Tequila, Tila Tequila Pregnant
Come on, Shake Your Body Baby, Do the Congo
Lord knows I can be hard on Sienna Miller, because I think she’s shameless, utterly useless and… well… rather used-up-looking trash. Also I’ve never seen a remarkable performance submitted by her, and I really don’t know why she’s famous, save for toting the same ratty Balenciaga bag around for years, and laying a fun amalgam of unusual male conquests.
However, as Jen–with barfy reluctance–pointed out to me this week: there may be a more serious side to the wacktress. One of Jen’s friends actually just finished leading Miller on a humanitarian visit through the Congo, which the starlet travel-blogged about on the Huffington Post. Hmm.
Suddenly, I realized that it’s possible that I’m just a judgemental, hateful person. A grouchy sour-graper with a laptop and an attitude, who shouldn’t necessarily get on some high horse to criticize those in the public eye–people like Sienna Miller who simply can’t catch a break from the media when they make mistakes, people like Sienna Miller who don’t have the luxury of being able to start over and try again without the scrutiny ofzZzzZZZzzzzzZzzzzzzzzZzz.
Oh, who am I kidding? I still hate the bitch.
[Sienna Miller travel-blogs through the Congo on HuffPo]
Filed under: Attempts at Validity, Great Lays, Haterasian, Huffington Post, Humanitarian Missions, Paparazzi Whores, Sienna Miller is Famous for...for...Uh, Sienna Miller is Gross, The Congo, Wacktors
BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!
We’d like to wish a very happy birthday to Cheryl Burke, who turned 25 this week!
Cheryl, baby, don’t you dare think for a moment that since we pick on you sometimes, we don’t appreciate the fact that your kind is DISGRASIAN’s bread and butter. Ya hear that, Cheryl? You have a kind! And you’re like butta.
So don’t ever change–not one tiny thing, sweetums. Cuz if you ever fix that mom hair or stop making crazy faces at the paps, we’ll end up just twiddling our thumbs over here.
And we can’t have that, can we?
Happy birthday.
xo,
Diana and Jen
Filed under: Backhanded Compliments, Birthdays, Cheryl Burke, Dancers, Dancing With the Stars, Don't Ever Change, Famous-ish People, Paparazzi Whores, We're Nice On Your Birthday
Are You That Somebody?
IF THIS IS YOU (OR RESEMBLES YOU IN ANY WAY*):
You don’t belong here. You have taken a wrong turn. You’re probably not smart, good-looking, rad, or cool enough to read this blog. But that’s okay, you’re not far from where you were heading. Go ahead and back up through the parking lot, reverse direction, turn left at Bastardly.com, right-hander at the White House official site, merge after the Family Keepers site, slight left at SandraOhIsUgly.com, and then it’s just a straight shot over to the John McCain donation site.
Thanks! Hope you’ve spent plenty on got plenty of gas.
* Except for the beer. We love beer.
Filed under: American Idiots, Beer Rules, Cultural Lows, Fucktards, Guns, Heidi Montag, Paparazzi Whores, Really Dumb People, Sarah Palin VP, Spencer Pratt, The Financial Crisis, Who Are These People?
Viet Mankinis
Say what you will about the Borat mankini–the hideous neon yellow reminds you of that crazy hipster, Blaine, from this season of Project Runway, the V-shape sends you into Nixon flashbacks, the exposed pelvic bones and pubes make you wanna ralph. Sure! Personally, I think it’s pretty rad. But, oddly enough, the outfit really, really offends some folks.
Apparently, it really bugs ma peeps back home in Vietnam! Word on the world news front is that two college kids in Hanoi have been suspended from school for a year and publicly chided for a comedy performance done in the mankinis–which was documented and posted on YouTube (it’s no longer available and only screen grabs survived). Sure, they jacked up the stakes by ripping out fake pubic hairs and rolling around like a bunch of hyenas on acid, but much of the media focus has been on their choice of dress.
Lemme tell you–I’m looking at the photos, and frankly I’m not offended. After all, I find it hard to imagine anything worse than:
“Reluctant” Fame Whore…this douchenozzle in the mankini.
Filed under: A Year Is No Joke Yo, Borat, Celebutards, Douchnozzles, John Mayer, Jokes, Mankinis, Minor Offenses, Paparazzi Whores, Suspensions, Vietnam, Weird Vietnamese Behavior, Yikes
Paparazzi Litigasian
Home-wrecking veteran and generally useless tartlet Sienna Miller is suing two media agencies (which account for photo agency Big Pictures and British tabloids News of the World and the Sun) over the snapping and distribution of photos documenting multiple topless frolic-fests with married (now seperated) actor Balthazar Getty.
An official statement from Miller*:
“Yeah, so what, so I’ve screwed a couple of married men! What would you do if you were me? I can’t act, I’m too short to keep modeling, and the only thing that’s ever gotten me invited to the Met ball is my grade-A pussy. I have no shame, okay? I HAVE NO SHAME. I’d be happy to have a camera installed in my vagina. But if people are going to look at my teeny-tiny titties and extra-marital antics, they’re gonna have to pay up for it.”
*not an actual statement from Sienna Miller. Totally fictional. She sucks, though. You already knew that.
Filed under: Balthazar Getty, Broken Homes, Celebrity "Privacy", Lawsuits, Litigasian, Marriage Splits, Paparazzi Whores, People Who Have No Shame, Sienna Miller is Famous for...for...Uh, Topless PhotozzZz
THE INSANITY BAROMETER: Share Less, Burke
When I first saw this photo of Cheryl Burke–who, as many of you know, I absolutely 100% do not understand the appeal of–I thought that maybe something fantastic happened. Like a paparazzo outside of Hyde suddenly came to his senses and realized he wasn’t dealing with a real celebrity, and told her–causing her to fly into conniptions. Or maybe some unseen gnome (working under the auspices of DISGRASIAN) ran quickly by and threw a tiny gnome water balloon at her face. Or maybe…
…she’s just a spastic, drunk, melodramatic, self-congratulatory, paparazzi whore celebutard with a crazy fuckin’ face.
Insanity barometer, so high against the sky!!!
Filed under: Annoying Hand Gestures, Cheryl Burke, Crazyfaces, Insanity, Paparazzi Whores, Who Are These People?
Absolute Celebutardasian
I have absolutely no idea why I know that Paris Hilton spent a half hour with a fake shaman, or that Audrina Patridge even exists (and got a fake tattoo in chinaspeak spelling out “fried meat and rice” last week). I resent myself for spelling their names correctly, and to boot, spelling those names on Jen’s and my sacred blog (where they share real estate with real winners like Michelle Malkin and Tila Tequila). Yes, yes, for these things I am truly ashamed.
And okay, I’m also a little embarrassed that, like lots of other celebublog readers, I fell for both fauxperiences–worst of all, placing a call to Jen on Friday that went something like: “Dude. Audrina, that girl with the weird floating eyes on The Hills got a wack Chinese lettering tattoo. Can you read it? It’s so wrong! Take her ass to court!”
I was fooled for a minute, sure. But what annoys me more is word on the e-street that both staged photo-ops were apparently produced bits for Ass-ton Kutcher’s new “gotcha!” series, Pop Fiction–a self-rewarding, for-celebutards-by-celebutards reality show in which idiot camera whores poop the paparazzi. Because the famous-for-nothings need more reasons to congratulate themselves.
“TAKE THAT, ‘TMZ‘! Now watch me in ‘The Butterfly Effect.’”
Wow. Who orders up eight episodes of this shit? I think we should all be ashamed.
Filed under: Ass-ton Kutcher, Audrina Patridge, Celebutards, Enough Already, Paparazzi Whores, Paris Hilton, Pop Fiction, Shaman Everyone, Stop These Talentless Fools, Stupid Ideas, TMZ Whores, Wacktors, Whores
Katsu-NoHan
Perhaps you recall my repeated shout-outs to Katsu-Ya in Studio City, one of Jen’s/my all-time favorito sushi spots.
The insane yumminess of their tasty treats earn the restaurant its due celebrity, regardless of my plugs, or else I would be kicking myself for telling more peeps to go there (as if I don’t wait in line long enough). I suppose everyone is welcome! Every man and woman should experience the joyous flavors of this brilliant hole-in-the-wall.
…OH. Except for young paparazzi whores who already look like they’ve acquired Nicole Kidman’s botox addiction, and should probably be spending more time collecting stumpy-leg-avoidance tips from Go Fug Yourself than LURING HUNDREDS OF CAMERAMEN TO MY FAVORITE HOLE-IN-THE-WALL.
Filed under: Botox Forehead, Fug Legs, Gladiator Sandals, Holes-In-The-Wall, Katsuya, Mistakes I've Made, Paparazzi Whores, Stumpy Legs, The More The Merrier?
Busted
I know exactly what the Asian gal with the cute bangs–who is simply mindin’ her business while paying at the counter of Claire’s as Britney and her circus of paparazzi bl0w through–is thinking: “Fuck. All my bitchy Asian girlfriends just busted my ass buying C.Z.”
Filed under: Britney Spears, Busted, Claire's, Fake Bling, Horrible Moments of Realizasian, Paparazzi Whores
A Hairy Situasian
Britney Spears getting her tresses dressed at the Kim Vo salon in Beverly Hills, CA this week:
BRITNEY: Y’all are so nice. Thanks for takin’ my appointment on such short notice.
FEMALE STYLIST: You gave us each five grand in cash and threatened to lay naked across our cars if we didn’t stay open.
BRITNEY: Right.
FEMALE STYLIST: It’s okay, Britney. You’re not well. We’re here to help.
BRITNEY: Awww! Y’all are so sweet!
FEMALE STYLIST: Mm-hmm.
BRITNEY: Can the paparazzios see me here?
FEMALE STYLIST: Yes, there’s a window.
BRITNEY: Why am I sittin’ by the window, y’all?
MALE STYLIST: You requested the window seat so that you could see all of the paparazzi-er-ohs.
BRITNEY: Oh! Alright, good.
MALE STYLIST: Bitch, you’re gonna look fierce when you walk outta here.
BRITNEY: That’s what y’all keep sayin’ but my paparazzerias friends, sometimes when they’re being mean to me, they say my head looks all nappy, and I’m all like errrrrr… whatever!
FEMALE STYLIST: (sternly, to male stylist) Um… Christian, would you mind grabbing me some more foils? (he exits)
BRITNEY: (whistles) So how come I never see Kim anymore? Is this not the (makes bunny ears quotation marks) Kim Vo salon?
MALE STYLIST: (from the other room) He’s sick!
BRITNEY: You said that last time. And the last time. And the time before that, y’all. I been wantin’ to tell him that I after I found out he was French/Viennese, I ate like a boatload of Vienna sausages. They were awesome!
FEMALE STYLIST: Sweetie, he’s French/Vietnamese. Vietnam is in ASIA. I am also from ASIA. We don’t eat Vienna sausages.
BRITNEY: Oh. Y’all should though.
FEMALE STYLIST: Mm hmm.
BRITNEY: So is he really sick?
FEMALE STYLIST: No, darlin’. He just doesn’t want to be responsible for this dead animal living on top of your head. And if you tell anyone that I did it, I’m gonna be sick the next time you call too.
MALE STYLIST: (from the other room) You’re FIERCE, Brit!
Filed under: Bad Hair Days, Britney Spears, Crazy Talk, Kim Vo Should Be Ashamed of His Work, Mental Illness, Paparazzi Whores, People Keep Saying Yes
Lucy Liu-sing It
Lucy Liu allegedly dabbled in violence while being followed by paparazzi at the Miami airport he’s yesterday. Splash News reports:
Liu apparently became irritated by the attention of being a movie actress and unleashed a palm-strike to a photographer’s camera after an outrageous confrontation. This came seconds after she decided to shove and jab another photographer on her way down some stairs. They added that Lucy was ready to “throw down” with fans seeking autographs as she confronted them with obscene language.
Oh Lucy, don’t be a Liu-ser. If you were just an average Jane with flat hair and no story… or maybe even if you had a story…maybe even if you were an astronaut in a love triangle that drove hundreds of miles wearing diapers to resolve your madness, or the U.S. President’s drunk daughter on a particularly drunk day… whatever, then perhaps I would have some sympathy for your irritation with attention. But you aren’t an average Jane. You’re an actress, arguably. Your livelihood and career require you to be in the public sphere and this is just one of those shitty side effects that goes along with it. Hey, we all deal with shitty side effects— like how Xanax makes it easier to deal with my parents but impossible to stay awake when I drive. Or how crack cocaine–nine times out of ten–gives me gas. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
Here’s what it boils down to: nobody gets off an airport with their hair looking that shiny if they don’t know they’re going to be photographed. And if there are still any fans left waiting for your autograph after that lesbian vampire atrocity you filmed with Carla Gugino last year, you should be thanking your lucky stars, baby.
So DEAL WITH IT!
Filed under: Carla Gugino, Deal With It, Irrelevant Actors, Lesbian Vampires, Lucy Liu, Paparazzi Whores, Shiny Hair, Unnecessary Violence
