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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Is Swinging Criminal?

May 21st, 2010 | 10 comments | Posted by Diana


A lot of people find swinging couples to be reeeeeally ewwwwwwwwwwy. I don’t mind ‘em so much. After all, what do I care? If a couple likes to screw lots of other couples, that’s their thing. And certainly, gettin’ busy is fun—why wouldn’t doubling, tripling, quadrupling up on the busy be even more fun? I imagine those great ’70s pornos where everybody’s scattered around a snow cabin, playing Boggle in their bellbottoms and tight sweaters, then suddenly everyone is naked and muffdiving and moaning like crazy on the floor in front of the fireplace–that shit is AWESOME.

Okay, swinging is probably not good for monogomy (at least according to Dr. Drew), but hey, neither is extended business travel. Or social networking.

My only real problem with swingers is that the only real-life swingers I’ve ever met have been criminally ugly and/or kinda creepy. When I was in college, a person invited me with a cheap business card and a latte order to attend a swingers night, and I swear he was Golum.

So wait. Does this guy look criminally ugly to you?

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Rejection and Humiliasian

May 16th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Not everyone shares my love for Vince Vaughn, which is good whether or not he’s puffy ‘n’ old or young ‘n’ Brando-ish, smoking hot or smoking too many ciggie-butts, drinking too many scotches or… being a Republican or… whatever. Doesn’t matter. I love the dude.

Vaughn isn’t known for being all that particular in the female department–all signs seem to point to success if you’ve got a round rump and a couple of Patron shots at your disposal. So I have to admit, I was surprised as everybody else when I read yesterday’s “news” of Vaughn turning down a threesome offer recently at local LA bar.

(I know. I can’t believe people actually put this total ca into print either. But without it, there would be no DISGRASIAN.)

I’m actually quite shocked that any girl would take such a blatant and shameful rejection and make it public, but I suppose minute fame these days is far more important than shame. I can’t say that I would ever relive a romantic dismissal again, certainly out loud, to a friend or a tabloid. I may have too much pride. But that’s just me.

I know everyone’s asking the same question: “VINCE VAUGHN turned down a 3-way? He wouldn’t turn away a 3-eyed cow with a skirt on! Why would he do such a thing? WHY? Is he growing up? Did the girls remind him of Jon Favreau? WHY? WHY? HOW?”

I asked these questions to myself all morning, and then decided: any man that turns down free romps is doing so for a reason. And my theory… is that the girls were actually PETA bikini protestors. Nobody likes a pale, vegan orgy.

Nobody.

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Last Shot of Tila Tequila, Please

December 11th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The final showdown of MTV’s red cup-fest A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila goes down next week, and blogs across America are wildly abuzz: WHICH LOVER WILL TILA CHOOSE??

Will it be…

…or…

BOBBY or DANI–man or woman–straight dude or lesbian–
either way,we can’t believe they both still care and/or don’t have
managed to escape Tila’s embrace without an onslaught of V.D.


WHO WILL IT BE? WHO WILL IT BE? WHO WILL IT BE?

Oh who are we kidding? We don’t care. Nay, we don’t give a shit.

As we’ve maintained from the beginning, Tila is a poseur, fame whore, and most importantly, a homisogynasian drive-bi. We’ve never bought her bi-curiosity, only been amazed by her ability to turn a cache of zzzZzZztitillating web cam videos of herself sharing brisk kisses with gal pals into a much-discussed multi-episode reality series. Entrepreneurial? Sure. Bisexual? Not on your life.

Sure, people may have thought we were just hating on the short little trollop, ’cause we were jealous or somethin’. That was, of course, until Page Six chimed in–albeit eight episodes too late. As they report, an inside source says Tila has a boyfriend, and the sexy sexual curiosity thing has all just been a sham all along! Wow! Shocker!

That’s funny, she didn’t seem to mention any boyfriend when she was on Tyra Banks’ talk show, gushing vaguely and unconvincingly about how she’s been sneaking around “like [in] a movie” with the winner of the show–oops, we mean, the winner of her love–since they wrapped.

It all makes us wonder if the trifecta (secret boyfriend, show winner, and the drive-bi) are all involved in A Shot At Love’s second season, which has apparently been in motion since October.

After all the excitement of this fake season, one can only hope so. Can we make just one brilliant suggestion: ORGY PARTY!!!! WE’LL BRING THE RED CUPS.


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