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A Most Unfortunate Eliminasian (*Spoiler Alert* for RuPaul’s Drag Race)

March 3rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NONONONONO NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

[breathes]


OMG WTF OMG WTF OMG WTF OMG WTF NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT’S NOT RIGHT, IT’S NOT FAIR!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ONGINA CANNOT GO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE DON’T GO, DON’T GOOOO AWAY! I’M BEGGIN’ YOU TO STAY! PLEASE DON’T GO!

RUPAUL MADE A MISTAKE! SHE DIDN’T WANT BEAUTIFUL ONGINA TO SASHAY, AWAY! SHE CAN’T BE ELIMINATED, SHE CAN’T! SHE IZ ZE GREATEST QUEEN OF THE CENTURY!!! SHE DONATED HER ENTIRE $25k VIVA GLAM PRIZE TO THE HARVEY MILK SCHOOL! SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL POWER GAYSIAN! SHE IS MY FRIEND (IN MY MIND)!

[inhales staccoto, sob-crippled breaths]

There is no fucking way that anybody named Rebecca Glasscock outlasted the beautiful, magical Ongina. No way. Life is so unfair. SO UNFAIR!

[breathes]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NONONONONO NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

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The Bravery

February 25th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


This week on RuPaul’s Drag Race, my girl Ongina proved once again that she is the funnest and fiercest of all the fabulous bitches in the competition. My tiny queen won the Mac Viva Glam challenge, earning a spot as a spokesperson for the campaign.

But as she heard that she won, she broke down into sobs. And said the bravest thing I’ve ever heard on television, so much so that I’m ashamed to have seen it on something as fluffy as a standard-definition reality show:

“I just wanted to say, and I’ve always been so afraid to say it, that I’ve been living with HIV for the last two years of my life. And this means so much to me. I didn’t want to say it on national TV because my parents didn’t know–oh my God.

You have to celebrate life. You keep going. And I keep going.”

I can honestly tell you that I cried. All night.

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Sashaysian, Shant-asian

February 11th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I’ve gotta say, I was initially skeptical about ONGINA, the tiny, Asian contestant in RuPaul’s Drag Race–a cutthroat competition in which sassy male bitches with chutzpah, saucy hips, and perfect Mac makeup betta work for the honor of, to put it lightly, the fiercest drag queen in America.

It’s just an aversion to most words I can think of ending in “–gina.” I don’t have vagina fear, I just can’t help but think about the ol’ vajayjay word when I’m talking about, say, Angina (sounds painful). Or walking past the truly unfortunately-named casual Italian joint in LA’s Little Tokyo, Pastagina (I mean, seriously? All I’m sayin’ is don’t order the seafood). So yeah, I judged ONGINA on the name. Not a fun name. Not an okay name.

But guys, ONGINA is so fierce that I can’t even bring myself to write her name without caps lock. No, she doesn’t tuck or wear wig, but she’s just got the littlest legs, brassiest style, and prettiest face. And even better, she’s nice! So very, very nice! So nice, in fact, that when she was empowered to become team leader for a group of four, she actually played like a good girl and shared the responsibilities evenly, forsaking micromanagement for even-handed delegation.

Which actually inserted a little doubt in my mind. What kind of Asian person enters a group activity without a mini-meltdown? Is it possible to be Asian and not lead with the phrase, “Just let me do it?” I didn’t think so.

But once I saw how Miss ONGINA delivered her team’s choreography lesson (three times the dance moves, half the time), my fears were assauged. Any bitch that pushes his girls that hard has got to be Asian!

So glad to know ONGINA is definitely one of us one of us one of us one of us. Here’s hoping one fabulous one of us wins!

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