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Michelle Kwan Wins (In) Gold
After the 1998 Winter Olympics, Michelle Kwan famously told Bob Costas:
“People ask me how it feels to lose the gold. I tell them, I didn’t lose the gold; I won the silver.”
Which, like, does not compute for those of us raised to believe that second place is First Loser and is typically grounds for revoking somebody’s Asian card, only it’s Michelle Kwan we’re talking about here, who’s, like everybody’s favorite little sister.
But Kwan’s 30(!) now, if you can believe it, and judging by her appearance at last night’s White House state dinner held in honor of Chinese President Hu Jintao, everybody’s favorite little sis is all growed up.
And she finally took the gold! I mean…DAYUM.
[WaPo: Guest list for the Chinese state dinner]
Filed under: Asian American Olympians, Chinese-Americans, EPIC WIN, Figure Skaters, Going For the Gold, Hu Jintao White House State Dinner, Hu Jintao White House Visit, I Usually Hate Those Herve Leger Bandage Dresses But Homegirl Is Rocking It, Michelle Kwan, Michelle Kwan Gold, Michelle Kwan Looking Hot, Michelle Kwan Silver, Olympians, Olympics, Skaters' Figures, White House Chinese State Dinner, White House State Dinner, Who's Who
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Ed Wang, First Chinese American In The NFL
Name: Ed Wang
Age: 23
Hails from: Virginia
Occupation: Professional football player
So, first the good news: Over the weekend, 6’5″, 309 lbs. (no, that is not a typo) offensive tackle Ed Wang became the first Chinese American player drafted into the NFL.
As a Chinese American, a Wang, and a lifelong football fan, I weep for joy.
Now, the bad: He’s going to the Bills.
As a Chinese American, a Wang, and a lifelong football fan who’s always considered the Bills the whipping boy of the NFL–they last went to the playoffs in ’99, they’ve never won a championship, and they hold the dubious distinction of being the only team who’s gone to (and lost) four consecutive Super Bowls–I just weep.
Ah, well…two steps forward, one step back!
To learn more about Ed Wang, watch the video below. His parents Robert and Nancy are former Chinese Olympians–dad was a high-jumper, mom was a hurdler–and they’re cute as all get out. In that Hardass Asian Parent way, of course. Choice quote from Ed’s dad:
Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Ed Wang, First Chinese American In The NFL
Filed under: Asian Football Players, Big Wangs, Chinese-Americans, Ed Wang, Edward Wang, First Chinese American NFL Football Player Ed Wang, firsts, Football, History, NFL, NFL Draft, Olympians, Virginia Tech Hokies, Wangs
BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Mirai Nagasu
Happy birthday to Mirai Nagasu, who turns 17 tomorrow!
There really isn’t anything we don’t love about the figure skater, who placed fourth at the Winter Games. We love that she’s from our neck of the woods (SGV, Holla!). We love her face, her crazy-high cheekbones and the way her eyes crinkle when she smiles, which she does a lot. We love how devoted Mirai is to her mama, who’s been battling thyroid cancer. (Of her mother’s prognosis, she’s said, “They say there’s an 80 percent chance of her being cured. But that 20 percent is still something to think about. It’s like getting a B on a test. It’s good but not the best.” We love that, too, OBVS.) And we love that she’s accomplished so much at such a tender age.
Waitaminute. No we don’t.
Because going to your first Olympics, and–despite the naysayers (ahem, Sasha “Bitter Much” Cohen) and the nonstop Queen Yu-Na hype–performing quite beautifully while presenting yourself as the future of figure skating at SIXTEEN when you should be, like, getting wasted on Captain Morgan’s Rum outside a suburban 7-11 or having your thumbs fall off because you’re texting your stupid friends all day long…well, that just makes the rest of us who are much older, much less Olympic, and much more dependent on alcohol look really really baaaaaaaaad.
So maybe there’s one thing we don’t love about Mirai Nagasu. If she were just a little less perfect, she’d be um what’s the word oh right…perfect.
Would you consider working on that in your 17th year, Mirai?
In the meantime, happy birthday, you adorable little showoff!
Filed under: 2010 Olympics, Adorableness On Skates, Arcadia CA, Birthdays, Californiasians, Figure Skaters, Gifted Teens, Ice Skating, Mirai Nagasu, Olympians, Overachievers, People Who Make Us Look Bad, San Gabriel Valley, Teenage Olympians, Teens, the Olympics, Vancouver Winter Olympics, Winter Olympics
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Scotty Lago, Michael Phelps And The Olympic-Sized Case Of Mistasian Identity
Earlier in the week, we told you about how snowboarder Scotty Lago went on Kimmel and, with the help of a friend who’d spoken to fellow Olympian Michael Phelps, identified the woman who blew his bronze and got him bounced from the Games as a reporter who had also tried to “make out” with Phelps.
Good thing our friends are smarter than Scotty and Michael’s friends, because ours quickly pointed us to this post by Canadiasian gossip blogger Elaine “Lainey” Lui, the reporter in question, who runs the site Lainey Gossip. Lainey not only refutes that she’s the same woman who gave Lago the bronzejob, but she also tells her side of the story behind the “alleged” Phelps make-out attempt.
Lainey Lui on the left, The Bronze Blower on the right
She writes in “For Michael Phelps: Distinguishing Asians 101″:
Filed under: Blowjobs, Broheems, Bronzejobs, Butterfaces, Douche-nozzles, Douchebags, Lainey Gossip, Lainey Lui, Michael Phelps, Mistasian Identity, Olympians, Scott Lago, Scotty Lago, Scotty Lago Bronze Medal Blowjob, Scotty Lago On Jimmy Kimmel, Scotty Lago Racy Photos, White Boys
For A Good Time, Don’t Call Scotty Lago
Snowboarder Scotty Lago went on Jimmy Kimmel this week to clear the air about those darned racy photos that got him kicked out of the Vancouver Olympics festivities before the closing ceremony.
Medal groupie!? In the interview, Lago says fellow Olympian Michael Phelps recognized the girl from the photos as someone who once posed as a reporter and tried to make out with him. Read: it was that skank’s fault.
Hunh. Lago’s story smacks of one that some cheesedick would tell in a locker room to all of his pimply-faced buddies, trashing the poor girl he convinced to blow him the night before. “Oh yeah, she was gagging for it!”
Continue reading For A Good Time, Don’t Call Scotty Lago
Filed under: 2010 Olympics, 2010 Winter Olympics, Air BJ, Blowjobs, Gagging For It, Jimmy Kimmel, Medal Groupie, Michael Phelps, Olympians, Scotty Lago, Scotty Lago On Jimmy Kimmel, Scotty Lago Racy Photos, Talking Shit, the Olympics, Trash Talk, Vancouver Olympics, Vancouver Winter Olympics
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Apolo Anton “What Seven Medals?” Ohno
Name:
Age: 27
Hails from: Seattle, WA
Occupation: Olympic short-track speed skater
Known for: Championship bling. After winning his seventh Olympic medal on Saturday night, becoming the most decorated American Winter Olympic athlete of all time. Proving that the time-tested technique of Hardass Asian Parenting, via single father Yuki, can pay off in spades. Showcasing excellent hip control. Somehow being extremely hot despite a chronic case of chin pubes.
Apolo’s name was derived from the Greek words “Ap,” (“steer away from”) and “lo,” Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Apolo Anton “What Seven Medals?” Ohno
Filed under: 2010 Olympics, 7 Olympic Medals, Apolo Anton Ohno, Apolo Anton Ohno Most Decorated Winter Olympian, Asians and Speed Skating, Awesomeness, Champions, Chin Pubes, Dancing With the Stars, Everybody Loves a Winner, Excellence, Hardass Asian Dads, Hardass Asian Parenting, Olympians, Seattle, Seven Olympic Medals, Speed Skating, the Olympics, Vancouver Olympics, Vancouver Winter Olympics, Winter Olympics, Yuki Ohno
Huh? Meredith Vieira Calls Kristi Yamaguchi A “Hoochie”
Dear Meredith Vieira,
Kristi Yamaguchi is a lot of things. An Olympic gold medalist. A mother. The season 6 winner of perhaps the most squeaky-clean show on television this side of Lawrence Welk, Dancing With the Stars. The daughter of a dentist. She is, at once, both a paragon of achievement and of normalcy, which makes her, like, super-Asian. That is why, to many of us, Kristi Yamaguchi is something of a national treasure.
She is not, however, by any stretch of the imagination, a “hoochie.” As interesting as it might be to think of Kristi having some secret life as a slutty hot mess, that skate just doesn’t fit. That’s like calling you, I dunno, a “hard-hitting reporter”?
Peace Out,
Jen
[via The Daily Beast]
Filed under: 2010 Winter Olympics, Asian Athletes, Dancing With the Stars, Gold Medalists, Hard-Hitting Journalists, Hoochie Mamas, Hoochies, Japanese-Americans, Kristi Yamaguchi, Meredith Vieira, National Treasures, Olympians, So-Called Journalists
Making the Case for Caz
At some point during this recent long holiday weekend, in-between turkey helpings and wine guzzling and coming to the sobering realization that Thanksgiving dinner gives you epically grotesque, gladiator-strength gas, you may have logged onto the interwebz and discovered that Michael Phelps has a new girlfriend, whom he took home this past weekend to meet the fam. Her name is Caroline “Caz” Pal, she hails from Long Beach, and she’s a Vegas cocktail waitress at the Moon nightclub at the Palms. People in the blogosphere have been bitchily calling her Phelps’s “slutty girlfriend”, a “stripper” and a “skank,” and we’re probably expected to pile on like Caz’s girlfriends did to her in this picture taken from a certain “Beverly Hills Pimps and Ho’s” party…
But we’re here to make the case for Caz. Because dating an Olympian has got to do a number on a person’s self-esteem, especially dating one like Phelps, who has more gold medals than Zeus and is, like, the greatest everrrrrrr. Besides, the poor thing had to meet his smother, er, mother Debbie, this weekend, and that must have been harrowing, because you know Mama Phelps is super-protective of her ever-so-talented cub.
And, look, Caz has talents too (get your mind out of the gutter)! If you flip through her modeling portfolio, which was posted on TMZ and Just Jared, you see a woman of diverse interests, an appreciator of the finer things, a polymath after our own hearts. She’s not just a cocktail waitress. She’s…
…a Deaf Signer!
…and an Art Lover!
…a Juggler!
…a woman with an Inimitably Quirky Sense of Style!
…not to mention, Ambidextrous!
And let’s not forget. She still has to blow this butterhead about 12 times a day (after every one of his meals):
So instead of slagging her for being a dumb trashy ho, we should really be giving her props for yet another talent–controlling a monster gag-reflex.
[For those of you wondering what Caz's ethnicity is--we can't say for sure. But based on her surname and Diana's "Jungle Asian Eagle Eye," we'd venture to guess Cambodian.]
Source
Thanks, Jasmine!
Filed under: Butterheads, Californiasians, Caroline Caz Pal, Caroline Pal, Caz Pal, Long Beach, Michael Phelps, Michael Phelps Girlfriend, Olympians, Skanks, Trashy Hos, Vegas Cocktail Waitress
Wax Creasian
My one piece of advice to those at the National Museum Wax Art Exhibition in Beijing: If you’re going to bother making a wax figure of Michael Phelps, it’s fine to get his face wrong…
…just get his body right.
Filed under: Bad Renditions, Butterfaces, Everybody Loves a Winner, Getting It Wrong, Hot Bodies, Michael Phelps, Olympians, Wax Figures Are Creepy, Yum
BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!
Michelle Kwan turned 28 this week and we’d like to wish her a very happy birthday! And here’s our birthday gift: a loving reminder that she is always be a gold medalist in our book. And our book is the only one that counts.
Filed under: Beautiful Ladies, Birthdays, Bronze and Silver Medals Make Asian People Crazian, Figure Skating, Michelle Kwan, Olympians
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Clarissa Chun
Name: Clarissa Chun
Hails from: Hawaii
Occupation: Olympic wrestler
Known for: At 4’11″ and 105 lbs., being the smallest U.S. Olympian; scoring a major upset at the Olympic Trials this month by beating Patricia Miranda, whom the 26 year-old Chun lost to at the 2004 Trials (and who went on to win the bronze in Athens); making those weird wrestling singlets look bitchin’ and putting a cute face on a badass, butch sport.
Somebody give homegirl an endorsement already!
Filed under: Badasses, Beijing, Clarissa Chun, Female Wrestlers, Good Things Come in Small Packages, Hawaiians, Olympians, The 2008 Olympics, Tiny People
Disqualificasian
Olympic Gold medalist, reigning world record holder in the 110-meter hurdles, and resident Chinese hottie, Liu Xiang, showed up at yesterday’s Prefontaine Classic ready to win–despite a kinda-sorta-maybe troubled hamstring. He didn’t get a chance to test the sturdiness of his bad leg, however, because he was disqualified after two false starts.
Wha?? A world champion getting DQ’d is just a buzzkill. And for Liu, the shock of the shame seemed to rattle him as he walked off the track with his backpack on, probably imagining how his father would chastise him on the phone later that evening (“Why did you put on the clothes and the shoes and get on your mark if you were not even going to race? Why do you dishonor your parents in front of entire world?”), but he still held his smile. Still, I’ve posted the photo above, a proud moment from the 2004 Olympics, just in case he’s reading this, to remind him of better daysians. They will come again!
Filed under: Championships, Disqualificasian is Sucky, Embarrassing Moments, Everybody Loves a Winner, Fast Guys, Hot Asian Men, Hurdling, Liu Xiang, Olympians, Prefontaine Classic
