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North Korean Soccer: Just Another Day At The Office

January 24th, 2011 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

200 bona fide North Korean soccer fans arrived in Doha, Qatar via unicorn this month for the 2011 Asian Cup qualifiers. Fans of the other football have a reputation for being fanatical and violent in many countries, and the DPRK’s are no exception.

Shit was bonkers.

And then a brawl broke out in the stands.

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Apolo Anton Oh-face

February 24th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

I realize this ad featuring AOTW Apolo Ohno is supposed to be selling you on that nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so you can rest medicine-induced sleep coma Nyquil is so famous for…

But all I see is a serious case of O-Face. You know what I’m talkin’ about…Oh!

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Neel Kash-and-kari

October 14th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Last week, 35 year-old, Indian-American Neel Kashkari was named head of the Treasury Department’s new, Orwellian-sounding Office of Financial Stability, which means he’s holding the purse-strings to the $700 million-dollar bailout. The Ohio-native got his career start as an aerospace engineer before getting his MBA and joining Goldman (showoff!), where he became a Paulson protege. He’s also a self-described “free-market Republican”…so, uh, go ahead and let the irony of Monsieur Laissez-Faire overseeing the largest financial intervention by the government since the Great Depression wash over you like a warm, golden shower.

On the upside, the dude does have “cash” and “carry” in his name, so he must know a thing or two about money, right? I don’t know anything about finance beyond balancing my checkbook, but I suppose it’s better than “NagheenaWorkHereAnymore.”

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Micro-Manasian

June 11th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The Associated Press has reported that 1000 employees working in Malaysia’s Terengganu state’s main government administrative complex are now being monitored by sixteen closed-circuit cameras “to keep them from slacking off at work or vanishing for long tea breaks.”

Oy vey.

Here’s the weird thing: At my last place of official employment, I happened to install my own surveillance camera (Sure, out of vanity. I look hot while I work), and logged the day’s happenings:

9:00am – The work day has officially begun. Office is vacant.

9:30am – Still vacant.

9:45am – Still vacant. Serene almost.

10:03am – A key turns and the office door opens sneakily. A sneaky-looking Asian woman tiptoes in.

10:10am – Woman sits erect in chair and types gibberish on her keypad to sound busy.

10:30am – Woman slumps down in chair, click on her web browser bookmarks. First stop: DISGRASIAN.com

10:35am – Woman laughs uncontrollably for 1 hour while reading DISGRASIAN.com

11:36am – Woman walks the 8×8 perimeter of her room for exercise. Does 15 jumping jacks. Collapses on Ikea chair out of exhaustion. Dozes off for 4 minutes.

11:21am – Woman snaps alert and goes back to desk. Opens up work document. Makes an edit to the type.

11:22am – Woman begins reading celebrity blogs.

12:51pm – Woman calls friend in neighboring office. Jabbers on, arguing about whether or not a certain pair of celebrity breasts are wonky.

12:59pm – Exits for lunch.

1:03pm – Office is quiet.

1:58pm – A key turns and the office door opens sneakily. A sneaky looking Asian woman tiptoes in.

2:05pm – Woman opens up work document again. Sighs. Makes a few edits to the type. Googles a few things for research. Makes more edits.

2:49pm – Woman exits for tea break.

3:45pm – Office is quiet.

4:19pm – Woman returns with tea in hand, laughing about something.

4:29pm – Woman checks DISGRASIAN.com. Laughs heartily.

5:30pm – Woman begins working fiercely on document.

6:15pm – Woman prints out document. Goes to grab document from printer.

6:16pm – Woman proofreads document with red pen. Makes revisions. Prints again.

6:45pm – Woman feels satisfied with her work. Sends an email with the document attached.

6:55pm – Woman sneaks out of office, locking door behind her.

Big Brother, don’t you wish you had TiVo???

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