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Palin’s Nailin’ It

November 24th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Diana

Blame the Sarah Palin Media Blitz (2010 Edition), but the former governor of Alaska is a big ticket item in the news today. And not just because she’s peddling that new book or officially declaring a run for presidency (President Palin? That event would be so cataclysmic and shameful that just posting the words could implode the DISGRASIAN server). Thank goodness.

Instead, mills were a-buzzin’ when Dancing With The Stars judge Carrie Ann Inaba dished with Access Hollywood about meeting Ms. Palin at the Dancing finale:

I did meet [Sarah] because, you know, my dad loves her,” Carrie Ann told Billy Bush and Kit Hoover, of Bristol’s mom. “So, I went and introduced myself. I was like, ‘My dad loves you, so, I have to say hello.’

“And you know what? She’s so charming!” Carrie Ann laughed. “I was like, ‘Girl crush!’”

The “crush” continued as Carrie Ann noticed a new glow emanating from “The Pistol’s” Mama Grizzly.

“She’s really nice. And I think she spray-tanned for the finale!” Carrie Ann exclaimed. “One of the crew guys came up and he goes, ‘Look at Sarah. Do you think she spray-tanned?’ And I looked at her and I’m like, ‘I think she did!’

This is important because truth be told, Jen and I have always wondered how Palin maintains her warm and ruddy glow living all the way in gloomy Alaska! Like, totally, Carrie Ann! GIRL CRUSH! La dee dah!

In other news, Sarah Palin was on the Glenn Beck radio show today and, until corrected by Beck’s co-host, sputtered on a bunch of her usual policy nothings while criticizing the current White House stance on North Korea. Continue reading Palin’s Nailin’ It

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Phew…?

July 6th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Oh, thank goodness!!


Our beautiful state of Hawaii did not get nuked over the 4th of July weekend.

Instead, North Korea fired seven missiles (potentially modified longer-range missiles, to boot) into the East Sea, giving the finger to three UN’s security council resolutions and provoking its neighboring country of Japan.

Um, yay?

[The Hankyoreh: North Korea Fires Seven Short-Range Missiles Into the East Sea]

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Who Is the World’s Biggest Asshole? Kim Jong Il v. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad [VIDEO]

July 2nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Our cameras caught up with, um, Kim Jong Il and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on a recent hang.

Let’s see what happens when these two “leaders” address one of the planet’s most pressing questions: Who Is the World’s Biggest Asshole?

We think you’ll be delighted with the results.

Want more? Subscribe to our YouTube channel here.

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! National Defence Commission of North Korea

June 19th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
Like Father, Like Son?

What can we say? The ‘Eternal President’s‘ Dynasty does not play well with others.

There’s the longstanding secrecy about the health of North Korea’s de facto leading dickhead, Kim Jong-Il. The naming of a relatively unknown figure, Kim’s youngest son–Kim Jong-Un, as his successor. A teeny-tiny (What nuclear timetable??) nuclear missile test last month. Recent threats against South Korean ships in the North’s territorial waters. Aggressively dangling the carrot of nuclear war, over and over again, with the United States and the world at large.

Oh, and of course: detaining journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee for crossing the North Korean border, convicting them after a 5-day secret trial of illegally entering North Korean territory, sentencing them to 12 years of hard labor without so much as letting the world see their face, and releasing a report detailing Ling and Lee’s admission of crimes–as well as their intent to produce a smear campaign against North Korea.

And now, there is the emerging threat via Japan that North Korea could potentially be launching a long-range missile at Hawaii on our Independence Day. Don’t be scared; we’re pretty sure we’re prepared to deal.

That doesn’t change the fact that the North Korean government has succeeded in making their country one of the scariest, fuck-all, let-it-all-burn, motherfucking places in the world. They don’t give a shit, and they want this planet to know it.

Is that DISGRASIAN? We sure as fucking hell think so.

[CNN: Gates - U.S. ready for North Korea missile]
[Liberate Laura & Euna Now]

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North Korea, Do You Need a Hug?

May 26th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Hey North Korea,

What’s up, guy? Listen, we heard through the grapevine that you did more nuke testing today. DUDE, what have we said about missile testing? That is not playing by the rules. It’s so not cool.

Buddy, you know that this bid for attention is ultimately going to backfire; and, as always, you’ll end up feeling more isolated, alienated, and alone. President Obama kinda nailed it today when he said: “”North Korea’s behavior increases tensions and undermines stability in Northeast Asia. Such provocations will only serve to deepen North Korea’s isolation.” Even China is turning on you, and that just isn’t rad! Do you want people talking about you like this? Do you like being an outcast? Neener neener neener!

We don’t think you do. We think you just desperately want–no, need–the attention from the world. It’s okay. We get it. We even kinda get you. You’re a sad, scared little child that needs approval, respect, maybe a hug. And though we aren’t sure what your parents did to you, how much your siblings taunted you, or what the other kids at school said about you, we’re here to help you grow. So let’s cut the bullshit and grow together. Put down the nukes. Let’s go get some ice cream and talk.

xoxo,
DISGRASIAN

[Washington Post: North Korea Test-Fires 2 More Missiles]
[LAT: U.S., U.N., Condemn North Korea nuclear test]

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Thanks, Anthony!

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Kim Ok: Star of the Next Hot Asian Horror Franchise

September 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Meet Kim Ok. Described as Kim Jong Il’s “consort” (journalist-speak for Blowjob Queen), Kim Ok has been Il-lin’s secretary since the 80′s. Very little is known about Kim Ok, except that, since Kim Jong Il’s stroke, she’s been signing official documents on his behalf. She apparently was hand-picked by the Dear Leader’s late wife Ko Yong Hi when Ko was dying of cancer to replace her as first lady. She’s in her 40′s and a pianist. And, uh, she doesn’t photograph all that well (pictured right, in the only public snap of her).

She also looks like she could climb out of your TV, float on your ceiling, and kill you with her “wet look.” All she needs is a little more stringy hair combed over her face and a janky walk.

(from the Shutter remake) Look out, Pacey! Kim Ok’s comin’ to getcha!!!


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What’s the D-Il with Kim Jong Il?

September 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Would a dead man wear such bitchin’ sunglasses?


First we hear that Kim Jong Il has been dead since 2003. Then we hear he had an incapacitating stroke, a fact that North Korea denied today. So what gives? And more importantly, who’s minding the nukes right now?

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Thanks, Andrew!

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Musical Relasians

February 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The NY Philharmonic, led by honorasian music director Lorin Maazel, performs today in Pyongyang in an unprecedented visit to North “Love Our Nukes” Korea.

Bucking criticisms that the visit and performance signifies support of the country’s questionable political policies (Human rights? Psshh), Maazel firmly stands by his quest to use cultural diplomacy as a gateway to political diplomacy.

Reuters reports:

“I am a musician and not a politician, but music has always been an arena or area where people can make contact. It is neutral, it is emotional,” the philharmonic’s music director, Lorin Maazel, told reporters at the airport.

Will Dvorak’s symphony “From the New World” move Kim Jong Il so much that he starts singing songs of Jeffersonian Democracy? Maybe not. But throw in an encore of Elvis Costello’s “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding” and who knows? Il just might.

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‘Nam Rhymes with Bomb

September 18th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Diana and I frequently discuss how little we report on Vietnam, Diana’s mother ship. But thanks to our New York correspondent Greenie, who sent us a story yesterday about Vietnam returning weapons-grade uranium to Russia under an anti-terrorism agreement between the U.S. and Russia, we had a sizzlin’ coversation about it over Korean BBQ last night.

JEN: Duuude. Did you hear about Vietnam?

DIANA: What? What about Vietnam?

JEN: They had weapons-grade uranium, man. Nuke-a-lar capability, yo. They had to give it back.

DIANA: Well, I mean…maybe they needed it.

JEN: For what?

DIANA: I dunno. Dude, why are you all up in Vietnam’s steez? They gave it back, for chrissakes.

JEN: You’re right. You’re absolutely right.

And it’s true, Vietnam, with whom the U.S. has only had diplomatic relations since 1995, did give back the uranium. But what I’m confused by is why they gave it to Russia. Aren’t they our renewed enemy, along with MY mother ship, China?

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Kim Jong-Be-Illin’

July 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
“Wazzuuuuuuuuuuup?!”

I think we all knew in our hearts and minds that it was only a matter of time before Kim Jong-Be-Illin’ would be named DOTW. But which offense, exactly, would we nail him for?

All of his posturing over nuclear testing and disarmament?

Or how about when he halted reunions between divided families in North and South Korea, because South Korea imposed food sanctions on NK under international pressure?

Or maybe just because the dude’s steez reminds us of a sad-sack, out-of-work, hardcore porn producer grinding out low-budge movies in his garage with its blacked-out windows in never-beautiful Van Nuys, California?

YUCK

All of the aforementioned offenses are criminal, but it was this straw that broke the disgrasianamel’s back: “Nation bans karaoke bars, Internet cafes?”

SEOUL (Reuters) – North Korea’s security agency has ordered the shutdown of karaoke bars and Internet cafes, saying they are a threat to society, a South Korean newspaper reported Wednesday.

Exqueeze me?!? There are two major muthafuckin problems with this.

1) No one in North Korea can read DISGRASIAN.

2) After everything that Illin’ and Illin’ Sr. have put North Koreans through–war, famine, deprivasian, separasian, and global isolasianism–they’re not allowed to blow off steam comme ça?

DEAR LEADER?

MY ASS.

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bitchin’ karaoke photo by Michael Rababy

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How Do You Spell Nuke-a-ler?

March 22nd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“Negotiations on halting North Korea’s nuclear program broke down abruptly Thursday, with the country’s chief envoy to the talks flying home after a dispute over money frozen in a Macau bank could not be resolved.”


Ruh-roh.

Click here for full story.

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