You are currently browsing posts tagged with Not Smart People

Rock of Love Bust

January 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I’ve been wondering since Episode 1 of Rock of Love Bus… is the dimple-faced Brittanya Asian, or part Asian?

Some of you definitely think I’m crazy to care, I’m sure–and you’re like, “Diana, dude. That chick is obvs a sassy Latina! And why are you trying to lay claim, anyway?”

I’ll tell you, I’ve eyed the wretched faces of the poor gals on R.O.L. for three seasons now, and most of those mugs would make a baby cry (save for Jes and Brandi M.)–Brittanya is one of the very rare non-fuggles. I’d be happy to claim her. Excepting the fact that she PIERCED BOTH OF THE DIMPLES IN HER CHEEKS, THE OTHERWISE CUTEST ELEMENTS OF HER FACE, she’d be rather adorable if she’d simply crack open the Cetaphil and rinse off all of that hideo eye makeup.

Fo’ realz, I’ve kinda crossed my fingers that my Jungle Asian Eagle Eye is up to snuff and that Miss Brittanya is actually a pretty in purple Pinay, or a lady with a little Laotian in her. It’s totally possible.

Well, I thought it was possible, until viewing this week’s episode of Bus, in which Brittanya confesses during a taxing game of “R U Smarter than a Rock Star” that she “is not that smart.”

After quickly realizing that she a) R Not Smarter than a Rock Star and b) is never going to be able to answer any of the game’s brain-benders correctly, she simply ambles over to Bret in her short shorts and starts sucking his tonsils out. Heyyoo!

Not smart? Definitely not Asian. But Brittanya is, without question, a brilliant contender for Bret Michaels’ heart. Mark my words–Don’t be surprised if you see this hot bitch, whatever her ethnic makeup, in the final three.

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Off Her Record

October 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Britney Spears, under the lock-down advisory of her beloved pops, has essentially cleaned up her act. There have been no cracked-out visits accompanied by the paparazzi to her local Jack-in-the-Box, no eruptions of violence on any automobiles, no party-kill moments of rejection at the entrance of the Four Seasons, no head shavings, no marriages, no divorces, no pregnancies. All in all, this is a very good time for the former pop princess. Relatively speaking.

She remains, however, a kind of tragic mystery. We love that she’s shaping up and getting her life together and recording music and all of that stuff, but do we expect a grand comeback? Not really. The real question is: Does she? Does she?

You’ve really gotta wonder why she even wants the spotlight anywhere near her overexposed puss at this point–though fame hath giveth her so much, it clearly taketh so much more away. And it shows. Among the cameras ever at Brit’s side for the last few months has been an MTV documentary lens, collecting intimate footage of the troubled celebrity through the process of stacking her life back together. The project, currently titled For the Record, seems a half-hearted attempt for her to set the record straight, and prove to the world that she’s not really as fragmented, sad, poorly-raised, and uncouth as she might seem. (Remember how well that worked the first time?)

It’s too hard to tell at this point exactly what proof is in the poorly-shot pudding. But we’ll see.

At the close of Record‘s trailer, Britney says: ” I sit there and I’ll look back and I’m like: I’m a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?”

Thing is, if she was actually a smart person, she would have stopped talking to cameras by now.

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Save A Cowgirl, Kill Jessica Simpson

August 21st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I sure as hell know what a smart cowgirl looks like: Jen.

This beer-peddling, middle aged, Bret-Michels-ish he/she, however:

…looks like no cowgirl I’ve ever known. And she certainly doesn’t seem the expert in “be[ing] smart.”

But hey, maybe Jessica Simpson “drinks” smart…

Somehow, though, I doubt it.


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Dumb is the New Smart

February 20th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


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Paris Keeps Us Busy

September 17th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Paris Hilton is apparently so devastated by Rick Solomon’s sex tape betrayal (an incident that resulted in her entire “career”), that she can never trust a man again. There she is, pictured above, not trusting a man in her “Stars Are Blind” music video.

And here’s me, the very first Asian person ever to be stumped– having spent all morning asking myself how Paris Hilton has defied the age-old Theory of Evolution and why she isn’t laying around “expired” somewhere. Like on her bathroom floor. Because she forgot to breathe in. And then out. Then in again.

And of course, here’s Jen, playing the world’s smallest violin:


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Study More

July 31st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Audio Science’s mother Shannyn Sossamon never ceases to amaze me with her ability to know and say nothing about absolutely anything. This was confirmed, once again, by the wandering, pointless interview she gave at Comic-Con to promote her new movie, a remake of Japanese Horror Film Chakushin Ari called One Missed Call.

Can somebody please explain to Shannyn that Asian people are smart? And that they spell “Shannon” correctly? Surely there is enough Golden blood running through her brain to do at least that.


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