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I know very little about Christina, a new American Apparel model that seems to be the only one using her eyes and angles (rather than her nipples) to sell the company’s body-conscious cotton. I don’t even know for sure if she’s Asian, or part Asian, but golly I hope so because…
I. AM. IN. LOVE. WITH. HER.
And come to think of it, I need a denim pencil skirt.
Filed under: American Apparel, American Apparel Model Christina, Awesome Spex, Beautiful Ladies, Cotton Clothing, Crushes, Cute Girls, Fashion, Models, Mostly Nude Models, Nipples, One of Us, Pencil Skirts, Smize, Stripes
See the whole gallery here.
“Hello, World. Meet my pregnancy puppies. Pregnancy puppies, meet world. Consider these girls my gift to you. Drink them in. Eat them up. Move in a little closer. Uh, okay, that’s close enough, now you’re starting to perv me out and remind me of my creepy ex. Ahem, where was I? Oh right, I was introducing you to my glorious breasts. Can you imagine what these babies will look like when they’re brimming with milk? I mean, hello. Now there’s a Quickfire Challenge for you–what can you do in an hour with Padma’s breast milk? Ha! Like that’ll ever happen. You can look but you can’t touch. Actually, touch these boobs and I cut you. They’re as tender as a Kobe-strip right now and my hormones are all over the place. Jesus, what I wouldn’t give for a cold compress for these sore nipples. That and a vodka cocktail.”
[photo via HuffPo]
Bai Ling stopped by The Howard Stern Show Wednesday, where she claimed to be drug and alcohol-free. “I’m naturally high,” she said, “if I want alcohol drug I can use myself.” She also went dressed as Stern, although the end result was more Slash circa Appetite for Destruction:
Even though it was three weeks before Halloween and a bit early for costumes, we’re just happy her nipples were tucked away and nowhere to be seen for a change. Well done, Bai!
Bai Ling stuck her finger in a light socket recently.
Page Six, ever the bearer of truthful word, reported today that wow-and-I-do-mean-wow-face Mickey Rourke was accosted by Bai Ling at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont just the other night. In Richard Johnson’s own icky words, the odd duo “made out and partied pretty hard.”
I’ll be honest. My gut reaction was to write: Dude, I thought Rourke was freaking uh-mazing in his unrelenting lead role in ‘The Wrestler‘. That, however, did not cause me to hearken back to his younger, more beautiful days, and rekindle a desire to suck his mangled face. Dude, Bai. Do your Adductor thigh muscles only respond to IMDB stats? What is the deal?
Then, of course, I had to go and do what I loathe most: a little research. This naturally led me down a slippery slope to one of Bai Ling’s online biographies–which includes the following blurb about her personal life:
She is friends with Kimberly Stewart. She dated a play actor in the mid-1980s in China, and music composer Qu Xiao-Song in the mid 1990s, and Chris Isaak 1999-2001. She was briefly said to be romantically linked to Backstreet Boy Nick Carter. Rumors spread that Bai was engaged to him, but Carter denied the rumors, saying they were “just friends”. More recently, Ling has been linked to Dionne Warwick’s son, Damon Elliott, though the two are not currently dating.
ZzzZzZzzzzSo… okay. How can anyone with even a pittance of warmth in their heart (that’s about all I’ve got) look at that sad little collection of facts and not feel kinda bad for the poor woman? Ling’s personal life, despite her fondness for dancing and easily accessible breasts, actually seems duller than Sienna Miller’s mangy hair. I wouldn’t wish that kind of dry love life on anyone, not even this crazy bitch.
So instead, I’m really very psyched for Ling, and happy about the fact that she got some aggressive tongue action the other night, even if it makes me go “Eww.” Here’s hoping she got felt up and maybe even fingerbanged! Anything to spice up that sad little paragraph.
And–guys, take a look at Rourke’s fuckin’ FACE!–I do mean anything.
A lot of you who are new to DISGRASIAN have been clicking over for Olympics “coverage” (I use that term oh-so-loosely), and mostly to find out who on the U.S. men’s gymnastics team is gay. Now, Diana and I pride ourselves on having excellent gaydar–we’re Asian chicks, after all, and most of our BFF’s are gay–but we ain’t the Gay Census Bureau. Nevertheless, we want you horny newbies to feel at home, so I give you this photo (from the real Gay Census Bureau, Towleroad):
Then there are those of you who have come to our site looking for nipples. And, you know, we do write about nipples a fair amount. Crotches, too. Shit, why do you think my parents spent all that dough sending me to an Ivy League school?? But for those of you who’ve come here to ogle, say, the nipples of a 16 year-old Olympic athlete, i.e. a child, we give you this:
FUCK OFF, PERV.
Filed under: Beefcakes, Beijing, Crotch, Crotch Shots, Gaydar, Gymnastics, Home Porn Horndogs, Kevin Tan, Nipples, Pedophiles, Pervs, Prurient Shit, Raj Bhavsar, The 2008 Olympics, The Gay Census Bureau
Who knew that Bai Ling was, as Michael Kors would say in that gaysal (gay + nasal) voice of his…”high fashion”? Last week, the NY Times published a story about Band-Aids being the latest fashion craze and even cited Bai Ling as an early adopter.
What’s next? Nipple-slipples as the hottest red carpet accessory? Oh, wait…never mind.
Speaking of Bai and fashion accessories, our favorite alienasian boldly went where every man has gone before and attempted to explain why white dudes love Asian chicks on her blog last week:
Dinner was nice last night, meet with a good director and his chinese lovely wife and his Italian friend, its a trend that westen guys find Asian girl to be their girl friend and wife, they all attracted to the east, which I don’t belame them, we have the pointry the romance and the beauty and the mystery of sex……
…but not, apparently, the good spelling.
TILA: Hurry up, betch, and kiss me.
COURTENAY: Hold your horses, lady! I gotta uncross my eyes first.
TILA: Ughhh. Not that again.
COURTENAY: Yes, that again.
TILA: I sure know how to pick ‘em.
COURTENAY: (hysterically laughing) Betch, pleeeeeease. Do you know how much my daddy’s worth? I could buy your little Chinese ass if I wanted to.
TILA: Dude. I’m Vietnamese, you dumb slut.
COURTENAY: What’s the diff?
TILA: Good point. Did you get those wonk-eyes uncrossed yet? We gotta make out, betch. People don’t believe I’m bi and I really really really need the street cred, ‘kay?
COURTENAY: And I really really really need people to know who the fuck I am. Hanging out with other rich betches is not really helping. (beat) You’re right. We both really really really need each other.
TILA: That’s what I’m sayin’! Trust me. I have the Mid-ass touch. Everything I rub on turns to gold.
COURTENAY: Alright, alright! I’ve almost got my eyes uncrossed.
TILA: Fuck. We’re getting nowhere with this. (sighs) Just take the picture.
I decided recently that, even though I’m shelling out the equivalent of a mortgage on gas every month, I’m pretty stoked about the fuel crisis. Yeah man, I’m down with the $5 gallon. Vespas are back (my heart melts every time I see a smart-looking gal zipping along with her scarf flapping in the wind. It’s so Quadrophenia. It’s so Roman Holiday. It’s so Ready, Steady, Go!). Parking has certainly gotten easier (unless you’re trying to find a pole to tie up your Bianchi bike). But the best result of all: General Motors has been forced to admit that their Hummer brand is in danger.
I’m glad that finally, FINALLY, it’s the general consensus to laugh and point at the morons stupid enough to put a down payment on one of these butt-ugly, gaz-guzzling, fuck-natural-resources-this-world-is-for-me-me-me tankmobiles. Now we point, we giggle, we wonder aloud how bloody crazy a fuzzin’ person would have to be to park their ass in the drivers seat of one of those things, dumping in double tanks of fuel just to drive to the corner store. I mean, how crazy would you have to be?
Happy 44th birthday to California State Controller John Chiang! You’ve got a–er–funny money situation to deal with in our fine state, so we wish you ze best of luck!
If you’re still trying to figure out what a State Controller does, check out Chiang’s guv’ment website here.
Bai Ling attended the X-Files: I Want to Believe premiere last night looking like a slutty Big Bird, accessorized with–shocker!–a requisite nipple slipple, silver heels, a hint of ass crack, and those stupid fucking band-aids.
Bai doesn’t appear to be in the movie, but if she were, we’re confident she would have been perfect as “one of them.”
Filed under: Aliens, Bai Ling, Band-Aids, Big Bird Suits, Dana Scully, Fox Mulder, I Want to Believe, Jumping the Nipple Shark, Live From the Red Carpet, Nipple Slipples, Nipples, Premieres, X-Files Movie