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By the grace of the football gods, my Steelers are currently 5-2 and holding strong in the AFC North –despite kicking off the season with four games sans their starting quarterback/resident douchebag. Last week was particularly painful–the boys (with douchebag) lost a great contest after a gritty fight with the awesome and beloved NOLA Saints.
As usual, I grumbled at the idiot calling plays and getting sacked on the field. Always the Hardass Asian Steelerfan: “Roethlisberger, you tool, move that ball! Why can’t you be more like Drew Brees? Look at your brothers Hines Ward and Mewelde Moore Troy Polamalu and James Farrior. They work so much harder than you. So much smarter!”
I was ultimately surprised to read that safety Troy “ol’ reliable” Polamalu placed the blame for the Saints loss squarely on his own broad, Samoan-American shoulders. To the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, he said:
“I think there are times in games where there were a lot of opportunities to make plays, and I didn’t make them,” he told the Tribune-Review. “It doesn’t have anything to do with anything physical with me, and maybe I’m second-guessing myself a little too much. But, other than that, we’re 5-2.”
Teammate Ryan Clark told the newspaper that Polamalu felt that he let the team down, which makes sense considering Polamalu’s addiction to perfection (the only addiction that is, by the way, so fucking ASIAN). But is my favorite safety really to blame for a loss against the NFL’s defending champions? Nah!
Still, I doubt anyone could convince Polamalu he’s wrong unless they’re married to him. I wouldn’t try. So my suggestion for redemption is simple: perfectly pound the Bengals tonight on Monday Night Football. Nothing says “I won’t fail again” like kicking kitty ass and taking names.
Hmmm… bet somebody‘s happy that the Saints won the Super Bowl!!!
And by “somebody,” I mean every person in America except for the Colts, people that don’t believe in dinosaurs, grouchy Indianapolis mathball devotees, whoever Reggie Bush dumped to bang Kim Kardashian, folks that don’t care about Black people New Orleans, a couple of sour Vikings fans, Tim Tebow, jerkoffs, assholes, and strange hard-nosed people like my sister who show their conviction during the most curious of times, declaring “AFC all the way!!!!” and rooting for the Colts in Super Bowl XLIV even though we–as Steelers lovers–spend every waking moment during the rest of the season hoping for their failure.
So yeah, somebody is totally fucking thrilled!
Filed under: AFC, Angelina Jolie, Bourbon Street, Brad Pitt, Celebrities At Sporting Events, George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People, Indianapolis Colts, Kim Kardashian, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Minnesota Vikings, New Orleans, New Orleans Saints, NFC Victory, Party Time, Reggie Bush, Saints Beat Colts, Saints Win Super Bowl, Scott Fujita, Super Bowl 44, Super Bowl XLIV, Thrilling Outcomes, Tim Tebow
That’s not actually asking much. Last night, during the NFC Championship shootout/battle royale/best game of the season, it was hard to look at anything else. When Fujita wasn’t putting pressure on Brett Favre, he and Anthony Hargrove were tackling him hard.
Filed under: Amazians, Brett Favre, College Sweethearts, Defense, Defensive Linemen, Focus On America, Football, Gay Rights, Go Saints, Honorasians, Hotties, Linebackers, National Equality March, New Orleans, New Orleans Saints, NFL, NOLA, Professional Athletes, Rad Japanese Dudes, Reprzentasian, Saints, Same-Sex Marriage, Scott Fujita, Sports, Super Bowl Ads, Super Bowl Miami, Super Bowl XLIV, Who Dat?
It was with heavy heart that I state the obvious: Jen’s and my teams are out of the running for this year’s Super Bowl ring (my freakin’ Steelers, defending champions, didn’t even make it to the postseason).
I can’t speak for my illustrious writing partner, but this year I find myself (for the first time in my life) hoping that an NFC team takes home the big prize (Dear lawd, do not let Continue reading Who Dat Rootin’ For Dem Saints?
Filed under: Amazian Jr., Awesome Football Teams, Brad Pitt, Brett Favre, Drew Brees, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Minnesota Vikings, New Orleans, New Orleans Saints, NFC, NFL, NFL Postseason, Philip Rivers, Playoffs, Punks, Super Bowl, The Cowboys, The Steelers, Who Dat?
Hails from: Oxnard, CA
Occupation: NFL outside linebacker
Known for: Being culturally hapa (adoptive father Rod Fujita is third-generasian Japanese-American) but biologically Caucasian; bowing after making spectacular defensive plays; being called the “Asian Assassin”; revering his grandmother Lillie, who gave birth to Scott’s father while interned in Arizona during WWII; helping to secure a Saints win yesterday in their season opener against Tampa Bay, 24-20, with a 4th quarter-interception; giving the people of New Orleans–who’ve just returned to the city after fleeing Gustav–something to look forward to for a change.