You are currently browsing posts tagged with Never Was-es
Love the astroturf.
Love the blonde hair.
Love the (blue) cross eyes.
Love the boob grab.
Love the cat pose asana.
Love the rump tunnel.
Love the Mickey Mouse gloves.
Love the crazy feathers.
Love the period sash.
Love the hooker shoes.
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.
And by “love,” we mean: MAKE IT STOP FOREVER.
BRETT RATNER: I can’t believe Sheila Nevins actually funded my Helmut Newton doc!
COURTNEY LOVE: If Helmut was still alive, I would have loved to pose nude for him.
BOB EVANS: We could be called, “The Plastic Surgery Victims,” or um, “The ScaryFaces.”
BRETT RATNER: I mean, I AM the genius behind Rush Hours 1 and 2… do you remember how Chris Tucker said, “I don’t understand…a word.. you are saying” to that funny Chinaman? That shit was me! All me.
BOB EVANS: I can’t even feel my own nose.
COURTNEY LOVE: Me neither.
BOB EVANS: Court, I don’t know if you know this, but your left cheek is falling off.
COURTNEY LOVE: That’s not true! That’s just paparazzi photos! They make you look worse than you are!
BOB EVANS: But I’m standing right next to you.
COURTNEY LOVE: Uh… Ehrm… Oh! I know… we should call ourselves “The Helmut Newtons.”
BOB EVANS: Brilliant! Brett, how on earth did you get Sheila to make this film? I’m not questioning your ability or anything, but you did ruin the X-Men movie empire, and that’s hard to do.
BRETT RATNER: Bryan Singer is a hack. He puts too much emotion and sense into his films. People loved X3. Everything blew up.
BOB EVANS: Is it true you wanted to change the name of the movie to “Brett Ratner’s X-Men Movie with Many Explosions?”
BRETT RATNER: It’s Brett Rat.
BOB EVANS: What’s that?
BRETT RATNER: Brett Rat.
BOB EVANS: …
COURTNEY LOVE: Do you have any coke, Rat?
BRETT RATNER: Courtney, I think your cheek is falling off. You should probably fix it before we screen my film.
COURTNEY LOVE: What film?
BRETT RATNER: My Helmut Newton doc.
COURTNEY LOVE: Whoa… They let you shoot a documentary?
BRETT RATNER: Wait. How did you get in here? Get her out of here. She wears fake Chanel.
BOB EVANS: Helmet Newton? Wait! I knew a Helmut Newton. What’s your name again?