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OK Cupid, which evolved from the personality quiz culture of TheSpark.com, is currently one of the biggest dating/social networking sites on the web. With 3.5 million active members, they have a huge online community to dip their stick in (and yes, I wrote it that way on purpose) for dating trend analysis and observations–which are culled and commented upon on the site’s blog, OK Trends.
Earlier this week, in a post called “The REAL ‘Stuff White People Like,’” writer Christian Rudder took on a big chunk of questions:
…and used a sample group of over 500,000 OK Cupid users to forge some answers.
Before checking out what Asians REALLY like, I hypothesized on what my peeps would dig: computers, apps, expensive bags, imported cars, Bruce Lee, Depeche Mode, cute things, stuffed animals, booze, the color red, general awesomeness, robots, Giant Robot, and winning.
OK Trends says (male results on left, female results on right):
Okay, what now? Let me start by saying that I fully support interests in pho, bossa nova, sashimi (who knew the aversion to carbs was so prevalent?), and lip balm (specifically, Continue reading OK Cupid, Whatever You Say
Filed under: Algorithms, Analysis, Asian Nerds, Coz, Diana Really Really Hates Nerds, Equal Opportunity Nerding, Ethnicity, Interests, Lameness, Malcolm Gladwell, Michael Buble, Middle Eastern Women, Nerds, Nerds Of Every Color, Nicholas Sparks, OK Cupid, OK Trends, Soundgarden, Stuff White People Like, The Real Stuff White People Like, Tom Clancy, White Nerds
Any use of inappropriate cultural terms or conflation with the original movie is entirely intentional:
The Karate Kid (Jaden Smith) and his Mom (Taraji Henson) are leaving Detroit. Lest you think this is a single black mom/deadbeat dad scenario, we’re told upfront that the Karate Kid’s Dad is dead…period. Detroit is portrayed as a gray, dismal city full of shuttered storefronts. This is America in our continued state of joblessness, America in the 21st century, America on the decline. But China, where they’re headed for Mom’s work, is the land of opportunity, the land of now, the land on the up-and-up, or, as the Karate Kid’s Mom puts it, “a magical new land,” like unicorns live there or something.
The Karate Kid tries out his Mandarin on the Asian dude sitting across the aisle from him on the plane. “Dude, I’m from Detroit,” the Asian dude says. Light laughs from the audience, which is mostly made up of families with tween children and some creepy older loners who probably wanted to be Daniel-san back in the day. My Hardass Asian Mom (HAM) approves of this joke: “Not all Chinese or Asian looking guy speaks Chinese, this is true.”
Meanwhile: Where is my Bananarama remix???
When the Karate Kid and his Mom arrive at the airport, their lady driver is holding a sign Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Liveblogging The Karate Kid Remake With Jen’s Hardass Asian Mama
Filed under: Bananarama, China, Gong Fu, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parents, Inappropriate Crushes, Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Kung Fu, Nerds, Tamlyn Tomita, The Karate Kid, The Karate Kid Remake, Unicorns, Wax On Wax Off
If you’re like us and fall hard for pretty people with big-ass brains, then honorasian Danica McKellar in collegiate gear and lingerie is YOUR WET, WET DREAM.
Filed under: Big Brains, Bras, College, Danica McKellar, Danica McKellar Lingerie, Danica McKellar Photo Spread In Maxim Magazine, Fantasy People, Honorasians, Lingerie, Math Nerds, Maxim, Nerds, Panties, Really Smart People, Smart Women, Smarties, The Wonder Years, Wet Dreams, Winnie Cooper
My sister recently gave birth to my first nephew. Throughout nearly 20 hours of labor, she stayed in contact with everyone who cared about the delivery via countless texts and Facebook status updates, from her iPhone. Observe:
So in a weird way, I can almost understand that however strange and surreal, sometimes technology and sacred moments can wonderfully merge.
But a wedding at the Apple store–in which the vows are read rapidly off of an iPhone screen, guests stand mere feet away from the Genius Bar, the groom pats the bride on the ass before saying “I do,” PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE COUPLE ARE BUYING SHIT, and the whole thing ends up in a video on YouTube?
Last night, as I watched the Danica McKellar guest spot on The Big Bang Theory, I was reminded of one thing: Kunal Nayyar (who plays Rajesh on the show) is such a babe!!!
Name: Kunal Nayyar
Hails from: Los Angeles
Why He’s A Babe: Well…
Okay, fine: We’re not WOW experts. So we don’t really know what it means to kill 390,895 creatures, accumulate 7,255,538,878 points of damage, complete 5,906 quests, raid 405 dungeons and hug 11 players–but it sounds like a shit-ton of warcraft to us! And we’re huge fans of hugging!
A fella in Taiwan, whose handle is “Little Gray,” apparently did all of the above and then some, making him the first person to accomplish basically everything that can be accomplished in 11.5 million people’s favorite lifestyle game, World Of Warcraft. Basically, he’s “beaten” the unbeatable game.
Sure, there are some bitchy WOW sticklers that are already poo-pooing on the epic win, citing a glitch in the, uh, “B.B. King achievement” and a “false victory point” used by Little Gray to override it. But we figure that people suffering from PC eye strain and extended periods of virginity just get grouchy. Details, details.
Filed under: 2D Life, Dubious Achievements, First To Beat World of Warcraft, Gamers, Gaming, Getting Laid, Guilds, Hugs, Little Gray, Nerds, Taiwan, Taiwanese, Taiwanese Man, W.O.W., World of Warcraft, Wow
Along with the usual suspects, like Superman, Wonder Woman, and Slave Leia (which Olivia dressed up as a few Comic-Cons ago), there are some surprise picks from the Attack of the Show! host, like the Prince of Persia (i.e. the character that turned Jake Gyllenhaal into an oily muscle queen), Poison Ivy (“She was a bitch with serious issues. I admire that”), and…Kathy Bates in Misery???
“Okay, I know this is questionable. But, come on! This is a woman who saw an opportunity and didn’t let go. Okay, maybe that opportunity was to enslave her favorite writer and force him to write books. But she knew what she wanted and she wasn’t afraid to go after it. And isn’t that sexy?“
We seriously could not love this chick–Olivia, we mean, and not the sledgehammer-wielding Annie Wilkes–more.
Catch the Attack of the Show! crew on Friday at Comic-Con.
Filed under: 2009 Comic-Con, Annie Wilkes, Attack of the Show, By the Way Thanks for 8 Years of Misery, Geek Icons, Geeks, Mixed People, Nerds, Olivia Munn Playboy, Olivia Munn Slave Leia, Stephen King
Does anyone really care about the Facebook Movie? Or, for that matter, Facebook? Sure, Facebook currently boasts 250 million users, and Mark Zuckerberg had his official coming-out party as a mogul on Oprah a few months back, but all that really means is that your Mom is now on Facebook, sending you Growing Gifts once a week, trying to friends your friends, forcing your guilty conscience to take down your many stoned pics, while you take refuge more and more on Twitter, where you’re safe for now, where your Mom’ll only migrate to in a few years once she’s figured out its goshdurned lingo (“Twitted…or tweeted?”). So I guess what I’m really asking is, does your mom care about the Facebook movie? And will she actually spend $14 on a movie ticket to see how the most popular social networking site came to be?
These are the questions I had while slogging through Aaron Sorkin’s 162-page first draft of The Social Network, aka The Facebook Movie, based on Ben Mezrich’s book, The Accidental Billionaires, that was written without Zuckerberg’s cooperation and came out this week. (Mezrich also wrote Bringing Down the House, about the MIT blackjack team who stole millions from various Vegas casinos, which became the movie 21.) Facebook reps have declined to comment on the book, and employees were reportedly sent letters months ago telling them not to speak with Sorkin.
One reason Zuckerberg and Co. might not care about–or rather, care for–the Facebook Movie is that, contrary to reports that the script makes him out to be an “obnoxious nerd,” The Social Network does him one worse: it makes him into a dull one. He spends a sizable chunk of the script’s 162 pages sitting in a deposition room, talking to lawyers, getting sued by two different parties. There are a few scenes in which he is either seen writing code or…wait for it…talking about writing code. HTML code, people! Other than getting laid by an Asian chick in a bathroom stall at a “nice club in Cambridge..(playing)…thumping…house music”–whatever that means–Zuckerberg’s life comes across as a rather joyless verging on meaningless grind.
Even Sean Parker, who was anointed the “rock star” of The Social Network in another script review, isn’t a particularly interesting Silicon Valley bad boy. We’re supposed to believe that he’s some kind of 22 year-old visionary iconoclast, but he comes off more like a mid-level Hollywood douchebag.
He orders lacquered pork and foie gras and appletinis at a trendy Tribeca eatery (p. 102)!
He dates a Victoria’s Secret model (p. 121)!
He goes to a sorority party and makes a phone call explaining the significance of picture-sharing while a 17 year-old girl sprinkles coke on her boobs nearby (p. 154)! Then gets busted!
Scintillating stuff, right? David Fincher seems to think so. And maybe, just maybe, your Mom will, too. If she hasn’t moved on to Twitter by the time the movie comes out, and isn’t too busy figuring out what the deal is with RT’s and #’s.
Filed under: Aaron Sorkin, Ben Mezrich, Boring Nerds, Eduardo Saverin, Facebook, Facebook Movie, Mark Zuckerberg, Nerds, Oprah Winfrey, Sean Parker, The Accidental Billionaires, The Social Network, Twitter
Happy birthday to Olivia Munn, who turns 27 today!
Did we mention she’s Playboy‘s cover girl this month? There are 14 pics of Olivia in her birthday suit (almost) that weren’t published in the magazine that you can see on Playboy‘s website. Right now. For free.
So it’s kinda like her birthday and your birthday, too.
Gossip Girl and ethnics don’t mix. It’s been well-documented by DISGRASIAN since the first episode, when the Black Chick and the Asian Chick (aka The Haragossip Girls) were mutely paraded around in matching outfits, that non-white characters tend to be used on the show like accessories. After the writers’ strike, when the actress who played the Asian Chick decided to go back to Brown to study neuroscience instead of returning to the hit show where she had more headbands than lines (I know..how Asian), the Mutasian was replaced by another Asian Chick, whose character turned out to be a royally drippy–and tragically uninteresting–Nerd.
It’s only when the show stopped all of its tokenizing whatthefuckery that it actually got good. Season 2 opened with a “White Party” in the Hamptons (Diddy was nowhere to be seen), a fitting metaphor for what Gossip Girl is really about: pretty, rich white people trapped in a particular ring of hell where life is one neverending party that you can never leave. The Black Chick and the New Asian Chick have cropped up here and there, and they do speak now and again, but you’d be hard-pressed to name them, because they’re on the show so infrequently. The only ethnics left who still have significant roles are Dorota, the Waldorfs’ Polish maid (ethnic in the old school sense and a more politically-correct, non-WASP buffoon), and Vanessa, who I still contend is coded brown, mostly because of the gigantic earrings she always wears, but their place in the GG hierarchy has more to do with money and education (and their lack thereof) than with ethnicity, perceived or otherwise.
Which is fine by me, because ethnicity is clearly beyond the show’s reach. People of color on the show have been portrayed about as accurately as Yale was in Episode 6 of this year, when the Dean was depicted as a George Plimpton-esque bon vivant who had nothing better to do than play parlor games with prospectives and the co-ed, secret senior society Skull and Bones was THE Skull and Bones, all-male, and had a boner for Chuck Bass, who is still in high school.
Speaking of Gossip Girl‘s resident bad boy, Chuck seems to be the only character still dabbling with the dark side (i.e. the non-white). Whether it’s his rendezvous with that Japanese flight attendant earlier in the season, or his coy reference to his “daily shiatsu” a few episodes back, or the intriguing preview we got at the end of Monday night’s episode (see below), Chuck’s escape from the restricting corset of Upper East gentility usually involves a skeevy dive into the Otherworld:
Is that an Oriental massage parlor I see? An opium den? An Oriental massage parlor/opium den? What’s with that Asian drumming music? Don’t get me wrong, I’m down with Chuck’s downward spiral into abject hedonism–the most interesting if overacted plot development of the show thus far–but please, for the love of sweet white Jesus, leave us out of this.
I have TWICE been the victim of metal-induced Asian road rage. Picture this: two months ago, I’m driving to my parents’ house in Orange County, windows down, sunroof open, Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” a-blasting, me happily a-nodding along and a-drumming on my steering wheel. I pull up to a stop light. The music is kind of mortifyingly loud, but no one is around to force the feeling, until a young 20-something couple in a suped-up (read: lowered, old, and grubby) Nissan roll up on my right. The girl (passenger), perhaps pre-road hummer, is leaning into the lap of the guy (driver)–but as they pull to the line, they both stop to look at me.
But what do I care? I’m not embarassed of “Puppets,” for chrissake, it rocks! Who would laugh at this near-perfect opus? Plus, I’m not in high school, these guys are total nerds, and my V6 could out-dick their four cylinders any day. If we were moving, that is.
The light stays red. The girl points at me. They join together in laughter directed at me. I look straight ahead and begin to fume, becoming adamant at this point–I’m not going to acknowledge their ridicule or turn my goddamn tunes down! They’re kids! Kids, I tell you! Nerds! Mediocre-looking nerds!
The song ends and the gentle opening riffs of “One” cue up. I fast-forward on my iPod until the noodling begins. I turn the volume dial clockwise.
Their laughter erupts. I hate these motherfuckers! What in god’s name do they have on their iPod, I wonder rudely (albeit silently)–Oasis? Late-adopter Death Cab? Fall Out Boy? Weezer? What the fuck?
The light turns green. I slam on the gas, flying off the start far more aggressively than I am accustomed to. The guy gets a kick out of this and slams his foot down, too. Soon, we’re flying through a residential neighborhood, with houses whizzing by, angry grandmas going into conniptions on the side walk. I’m blowing through stop signs and not reading speed limit signs–hells bells, I’m defending my honor, here! And the honor of James Hetfield! Grubby Nissan guy starts to tail me.
This goes on for awhile. Suddenly, I get a call on the BlackBerry from Dad. I’m about to pull over to answer it when I realize I’m thirty seconds away from their house. I slink over to turn into their gated community. The couple collapses into even more laughter, growl their little engine, spit out the window, and race off.
All I’m thinking is: Metallica? Really?
Two weeks later, I’m cruising in East LA, griping about the 90-degree winter heat to the tune of Slayer’s “South of Heaven.” A dude in a royal blue lowered Integra (I’ll have you all know that the low Integra is my car alma mater) comes up on my left, flips me off, and barrels down the street.
All I’m thinking is: Slayer? Really?
I don’t know what it is about me, loud music, imported cars, and angry millenials, but they don’t seem to fucking mix. So it is with deep pride and joy that I declare my love for Boris, a fucked-up Japanese metal band that has been around 4-eva and is still doing awesome shit.
I mean, even if you didn‘t like the way they sounded, you’d have to give them big ups for having one dude that looks like Bowie and a tiny chick that makes a lot of noise. But I like the way they sound–loud, in my car, with my windows down.
Take that, muthafuckaz!
The Wired blog GeekDad posted the “10 Best Geek Characters in Mainstream Movies” today, and nary a one was Asian. I wish that had been an oversight, but, with the exception of Harold and Kumar, I can’t think of other great Asian geek-movie characters, which is weird, because, like, we own that shit. The Wired post also brings up the old hairsplitty topic of Geeks v. Nerds and goes a long way toward explaining why there aren’t Asian characters on this list–Asian outcasts and outsiders in movies tend to be nerds, not geeks. And if they’re not nerds or geeks, they’re villains, gangsters, or badasses.
Earlier this year, David Brooks wrote a Times op-ed piece about the evolution (and rise) of the geek in our culture, and he described the difference between a geek and a nerd this way:
Among adults, the words “geek” and “nerd” exchanged status positions. A nerd was still socially tainted, but geekdom acquired its own cool counterculture. A geek possessed a certain passion for specialized knowledge, but also a high degree of cultural awareness and poise that a nerd lacked.
A way to paraphrase what Brooks wrote? A GEEK GETS LAID. Most of the characters on Wired‘s list–which includes Indiana Jones and John Cusack’s boombox-toting Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything–end up getting the girl (or boy, in one instance). Their geeky attributes simply add another top note to their existing man-musk. Geeks are really studs in sheep’s clothing. Nerds, meanwhile, are loser virgins with squeaky, pre-pubescent voices and undescended testicles. They often live with their mothers. They not only pick their noses but, one suspects, they also eat their boogers. And they do not know how to talk to their desired sex, much less how to save them from the evil clutches of Nazis, controlling fathers, or oppressive high school pecking-orders.
Often, talk of Asian-American “identity” conflates with the representations of us in pop culture. The Asian Nerd character is such a sore subject, in part because what we really want is to be geeks, on the big screen and in our little lives. And how do we do that? If we look at the few good Asian geek-characters out there, this is the takeaway: smoke a bowl. Don’t go to med school, but have the grades to get in. Believe in unicorns. And, of course, fuck. Fuck a lot.